𝐊𝐢𝐬𝐬 𝐌𝐞 𝐃𝐞𝐥𝐢𝐜𝐚𝐭𝐞𝐥𝐲 {𝑺𝒆𝒗𝒆𝒓𝒖𝒔 𝑺𝒏𝒂𝒑𝒆}

Chapter 20

For fuck's sake, I don't know what I am writing.

You did not even know how the hell did you manage to get up on your own, you felt numb from his sharp words that could rip your heart more into pieces. His words echoed in your mind like a broken record, as if you did not know how those words were meant to, they just kept on ringing and repeating inside you as if they were such an alarm clock in the morning.

You managed to wrap yourself in a dry and clean towel, tears welled up in the corner of your eyes, they were threatening to fall at any minute with each ache of your heart. You felt dumb and weak, how could you be so confident for asking him such a thing, you were fully aware of his past despite being the transferee, it was no secret that Severus had fallen head over heels to Lily Evans.

As you looked at yourself through the mirror, the words of your grandma echoed in your mind. You could still remember her words about two types of people in life; one that is incapable of loving and one that is loved. Could Severus be one of those types or was he even in the option? There was a huge part of you that doesn't believe your Grandma's words as you believe that everyone is capable of loving and being love, though maybe some of them were just afraid or maybe even blind to see it.

Or maybe Severus was never really in the option, he was capable of loving and being loved, his fear of being unreciprocated was the only thing that had lead you to this way, but still, you were unsure as the man can't even answer your stupid question. Millions of thoughts ran inside your mind. If you hadn't been so nonchalant to ask him about falling in love, then you wouldn't be in this state.

What do you even know about love? It's not like that is what you were feeling for him. Maybe you don't love him at all, but there's this part in you that doesn't want to lose him, nor this thing to end, but what could be in there for this to continue?

But you knew to yourself that you needed an answer, but the question you gave was so stupid. You could have asked him the question about what are you to him, but instead; it ended up another way around.

With a sigh, you went out of the bathroom and you were not surprised to see it empty, your heart tightened in your chest once again, it was hard to breathe and to comprehend what just happened. Moments ago, you were enjoying each other's bodies and now, you were trying to avoid each other's company.

You knew you have to leave as you knew to yourself that both of you could not tolerate being on the same roof, your heart was filled with sadness, while his heart was filled with rage and those weren't a good combination and you might end up strangling each other's neck if you ever stay. It's not like he's going to leave his house, anyway, so with a flick of your wand, you managed to clean the dirty dress you wore the night before you ended up here.

Your boots echoed in his silent house and as you reached the living room, you did not see him there but the fireplace was crackling with fire in the otherwise silent room. With one last look, you walked towards the door and opened it, only to be welcomed by the cold wind of Christmas Eve.

You did not even bother bidding him goodbye, it was like it's worth it, he's probably not going to return it.

The wind had somehow reminded you of how alone and cold your Christmas Eve will be, a lot of things had happened this past 24 hours. Surely this night could not get any worse. You rubbed your sides using your hands, in an attempt to add warmth to your body before you took your wand out from your boot and disaparrated from Spinner's End.

You have never felt this alone in your entire life, especially when you're supposed to be enjoying this evening with your loved ones, but instead, you're gonna celebrate alone somewhere with your aching loud thoughts that were starting to bang in your mind once more.