BTS Eighth Member | The Life: Year 2014

Chapter 43- Taking A Break

Author's Note at the End :)

September 15th, 2014:

The night I had my meltdown, we had gone back to the studio where everyone was anxiously waiting. Apparently, Jongin had texted Jimin telling him that he had found me crying and that I probably needed them. I hated seeing all their worried faces because of me. The worst part of all of this is that I have such a big support group, I had reached my dream, a dream people only hoped to achieve and never do. I was doing what I loved, I was loved, and yet I still felt empty inside, I still felt like a failure.

Jongin and the boys stayed with me in the studio the rest of the morning, but Jongin had to leave at 7 am because he had to go to his dorm where he was meeting his managers and members to fly to Thailand for his concert. He woke me up and said to text him every day and he would call whenever he could. He really was an amazing boyfriend and it just reminded me of how much of a terrible girlfriend I was. This relationship was so lopsided, it was unfair to him.

The boys didn't say anything to the managers, but they were tiptoeing around me again. I couldn't help but be upset at myself to have reached this point again. It made me realise just how fragile I was, one bad day and I was back to being broken. It sucked.

We had recorded for Simply Kpop today and it had gone well, with no mistakes. Honestly, if there was something I could be proud of was how I'd bounced back. I still felt like sh*t, but I had gotten better at hiding my emotions and controlling when to let them show.

I was supposed to meet up with all of IU's group of friends today at her place. I had mentioned to Jungkook and Jongin (separately) how I didn't think I should go because I wouldn't fit in, but both said I was being ridiculous, and I'd be missing out if I didn't. Jieun had even texted saying I should bring Jongin so everyone could meet my boyfriend. I thought that was a good idea, not because I wanted people to meet Jongin necessarily, but because it would mean I had some kind of support there. Not the Jieun or the rest weren't a part of my support system, they just didn't know me as well as Jongin.

I was currently in my dorm, getting changed to look put together for the gathering. Jongin was going to meet me at Jieun's apartment building so there were fewer chances of people seeing us.

"Have fun tonight! Tell us about all the gossip," younger Eunbi says, handing me my bag.

"You'll be the first to know," I chuckle.

"Are you taking... you know who?" 97' Eunbi asks, not saying Jongin's name because other trainees were around.

"Yeah, they're meeting me there," I answer.

I put on my shoes and open the door.

"Have fun! You deserve to just chill tonight!" younger Eunbi waves as I wave back closing the door.

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I get to the address Jieun had texted and see a man wearing a cap and mask waiting just inside the lobby.

"Hey handsome," I say, as I walk up to them.