We'll Have Our Little Secret

Chapter 22- Tge Sun Will Come Out Tomorrow

"Laur, if you're not packed you need to get out of bed and do that." Hannah says closing my door again, and leaving me alone in my room. The whole day I've laid in bed, not really wanting to get up. I had ice cream and chocolate this morning trying to see if what they say about eating that stuff after a break up really works. It doesn't. I think it's just something that they say to get you to spend more money on ice cream.

I push the covers away, giving my warm legs Goosebumps. I walk over to my closet and grab all of my pairs of shorts, and a couple skirts and dresses. I put that in my bag, and then I start on my shirts. I have a lot more of those, so I have to make about 3 trips from my bag to the closet.

That's when I hear my phone buzz.
I'll admit, I had butterflies. I ran over to my phone looking for Ross's contact and a message that says that he's sorry, or that he wants me to come over. Or even him asking me not to leave again. But instead, it was just an alert from the weather channel about a thunderstorm.

I squeeze my phone in my hands, and I sit on the floor. Without even thinking about it, I start to cry. If Jack was here right now, he would tell me to stop crying. Then he would bend down next to me and whisper "It's only for the better, Sweetheart."

The thought of Jack made me cry even more. Everything in my life is being turned upside down. Just a few weeks ago, if you would have asked me how my life was, I would have answered you with an honest answer. It was Perfect.
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I finished packing a few hours later, and instead of going down stairs with Hannah, I just laid down in bed again. I haven't told Hannah that Ross and I broke up, but yet she wouldn't care. She didn't know the REAL Ross anyway.

But I did. If someone asked to me explain him in one word, I would tell them that's impossible. Ross can't be explained in one word because he is so much more than one thing. He's kind, passionate, a good listener, an amazing friend, someone you could always go to, and much more.

I brush my hair out of my face and check my phone yet again. Nothing. Why do I keep checking it? I know he won't text me. He meant what he said last night, and so did I.
No I didn't.

I would take him back in a second.
I love him.

Another tear slides down my cheek, and I hold back the tears. I can't keep crying over him, because that won't do me any good. All of my pain put together won't bring someone back. So why do we cry over people? Why do we cry when we lose a loved one? Or when someone we've known all of our lives moves away? Why do we cry when we go through relationship problems?

It's because we're letting our selfishness out. Being selfish is probably not the first thing you would think of when you see someone crying, but it's true. We don't cry because that person is leaving their house and going to one that they think might be better for their family, we're crying because we won't have them with us everyday anymore. We cry those tears for us instead of crying tears of joy for them.

We cry when we lose a loved one because we won't get to see them anymore, because they're gone and we can't talk to them anymore. We cry because WE don't have them anymore. But instead we should be crying tears of joy that they don't have to deal with the everyday burdens this world gives us. They've moved on to a better place.

I love Ross. But crying tears over him isn't going to help me any. He chose not to support my decision about going with Jack, and that's something that he should be there for me on. But instead he was think about how we can't be together, when Jack is the main purpose for everything. He's the reason why I am doing all of this, because he matters most right now.
That's when Hannah walks into my room.

"Laur?" She asks a little worried. She can probably tell I've been crying. I wipe any remaining tears from the brim of my eyes, and stand up. I give her a fake smile.

"Hey Hannah." I say. She stares at me for a minute, and then walks over to me. She uses her thumbs to wipe of the smeared make-up around my eyes that I left.

"Laura, why have you been crying?" She asks. I just stare at her for a minute not knowing if I should tell her or not. If she hasn't known about Ross this long, why tell her now? Just tell her that you and the fake Ross broke up.

"Ross and I broke up last night." I explain, and a look of sorrow goes across her face.

"Sit down." She says walking over to my bed and sitting on the edge of it with me.

"Tell me what happened." She says.

I explain everything to her. I tell her about our fight, and our selfish words that we shared. I still don't know if I meant what I said or not, or if he did. I think it's best that I just try not to think about it.

"I'm so sorry Honey." She says giving me a hug, and I hug her back. Tightly. It's exactly what I need right now.

"I just can't stop crying." I say looking down at my hands.

"Listen here." She says lifting up my chin so I can look at her.

"In life, you will fall, you'll rise, you make mistakes, you live, you learn. You're human. You're not perfect. You've been hurt, but you're alive. Think of what a precious privilege it is to be alive- to breath, to think, to enjoy, and to chase the things you love. Sometimes there is sadness in our journey, but there is also lots of beauty. We must keep butting one foot in front of the other even when we hurt, for we will never know what is waiting for us just around the corner." Hannah says. I sigh, and give her a small, but real smile. She's right. I need to keep my head up high, and stay strong.

"And remember, Sometimes life takes us place we never expected to go, and in those places, God writes a story that we never thought would be ours. " She says. I nod. I've never heard such a true statement before.

"I know it might hurt now, and it's ok to cry. Just don't unpack and live there. Wake up the next morning and live your life. If it's meant to be, it will happen. If not, then that door was such for a reason." She says. She leans in, and kisses the top of my head.

"Kepp your head up sunshine. The sun will come out tomorrow." She says with a smile. And with that, she stands up and leaves my room.

I still have that little piece in my heart that wishes it was meant to be.