Short chapter ahead, prepare for impact!
Summary: *points to title* A good summation of this entire fic
Because Harry had not had his interaction with the twins earlier, he did not meet Draco Malfoy until they were standing in the chamber just off the Great Hall waiting to be Sorted. It felt strange. Almost as if this were a movie adaptation of a book.
"So it's true, then? Harry Potter is starting Hogwarts."
"Who?" said Harry.
"Harry Potter." Malfoy's eyes narrowed. "That is you, isn't it?"
"Perhaps. Or maybe you're Harry Potter. Or him." Harry pointed to a very confused Terry Boot. "Or him." Here, he turned to Ron.
"Sorry," said Ron. "My name's actually Rupert Grint."
"Ah, my apologies, Rupert. I thought you were a Weasley."
"Course he is," Malfoy scoffed. "Red hair, freckles, a hand-me-down robe. What else would he be?"
"My new bestest friend in the whole universe, of course!" Harry announced, throwing an arm over Ron's shoulders and beaming.
Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Hermione roll her eyes. Just you wait, he thought. Soon you'll be an idiot just like us. I'm sending idiot vibes your way. There is no escaping. None.
Malfoy didn't get the chance to say anything else. The ghosts apparently had enough and decided to make their presence known just then. Harry tuned them out, and tuned everyone else out, until it was time to be Sorted.
Hannah Abbott and went to Hufflepuff just as Harry had expected. But then —
"Amsel, Obsidian!"
Who the fuck? Harry thought, because even if his memory was questionable, he was sure Susan Bones had been after Hannah.
Dude, language, the author berated from above. You're a child.
Sorry, whom the fuck?
The author rolled her eyes.
When Hermione went up, Harry leaned forward.
"RAVENCLAW!"
Yes!
Ron gave Harry an unimpressed look but said nothing.
Eventually, Harry's name was called. He stepped up to the stool and felt the hat get placed over his head.
"What the fuck?" said the hat.
Dude, language, Harry berated. I'm a child.
"Did you just call me a —? Whatever. Now let's see... Oh, no. Just what I need. Another child that's going to wreak havoc."
The hat gave a string of disconnected mutterings, including something regarding chameleons, before calling out, with great reluctance (and to Harry's delight), "HUFFLEPUFF!"
Dead silence rang through the hall. From somewhere behind Harry, Severus Snape thought, What the fuck?
Dude, language, the author berated from above. There are children reading this.
Snape considered throwing himself into the lake.
*CRASH* I SAID PREPARE FOR IMPACT
There aren't enough Hufflepuff Harry fics. Granted, that's because he doesn't quite fit in, but come on! Not even for a crack fic? Do you understand the possibilities? The hilarity that can follow? .......... Well, I don't, but that doesn't mean I'm not going to try!
YOU ARE READING
You're a Badger, Harry
FanfictionHarry goes back in time, losing all the progress he's made - and all the forks he had. No, seriously, he's now forkless. Help a guy out, would ya?
