You're a Badger, Harry

9: You're a De-Gnoming Genius, Harry

Summary: *glances at title* Debatable.

How Harry managed to convince his friends the Stone was perfectly safe he did not know, but something in his expression must've won them over. So when the end of the year came and Quirrell attempted to steal the Philospher's Stone, he failed miserably and was promptly murdered to death by Voldemort before Voldemort fled. Or something like that. Who knows? There was no body when Dumbledore went to check.

"Voldemort..." Remus whispered, face stark white, "in the school..." He stood up abruptly. "I need a drink." Of pumpkin juice, of course, he's not an animal (save for the one night a month).

Back at Hogwarts, the Hufflepuffs were celebrating. For the first time in several years, someone other than Slytherin had won the House Cup. And, more importantly, the Hufflepuffs themselves had won it.

"Does this mean I can retire from my Quidditch career now?" asked Harry.

"No!" several Hufflepuffs yelled.

"Yes!" said Cedric Diggory. "I mean, no!" he backtracked when all eyes turned on him.

"My aunt will hear about it if you do!" said Susan. "And trust me, Potter —"

"Polo."

"— you don't want to make my auntie mad."

Harry gulped. "Noted."

Perhaps it was thanks to the fact that they didn't worry as much about the Stone, but Harry and Ron did better than they had in Harry's previous timeline. Hermione, of course, was Hermione and Harry had no idea how well Draco had done before, only that he hadn't beaten Hermione. Whether that meant he had the second highest marks in their year or not was up to interpretation.

Alone in his room at Grimmauld Place, Harry mentally went through the Horcruxes. The locket, the cup, the diadem, Nagini, and... one more... oh, the Gaunt ring!

No, not Nagini. Not yet anyway. And Harry had the first three now — Kreacher had willingly given away what Regulus had known, so they added the locket to the collection — so only the ring and diary.

Ginny would be bringing the diary to Hogwarts, but if she went to Gryffindor, it would be harder to take it from her. Hm... well, he'd worry about it later.

In Harry's past life, his summer between his first and second years had been absolutely miserable. Now, he was absolutely not miserable. Sirius was alive and free and Remus was alive and happy and Dobby was alive and not stealing Harry's friends' letters. All was well.

The end.

Okay, the author lied. Let's keep going.

Remus was snoring at the table when Harry came down for breakfast one morning. Harry patted his head.

"There there, wolf. It'll pass."

Remus merely grunted in reply.

Sirius came in, holding a plate in each hand. A third floated behind him. He paused and smiled fondly. "Isn't he beautiful?"

Harry took in the drool trickling down Remus' chin, the graying hair that fell in wisps over his forehead, the slight furrow of his brow as he mumbled curses and threatened James to not stealing his chocolate again or else he'd put salt blocks in his drinks for the rest of his life.

"Mmm," said Harry noncommittally.

Sirius coaxed Remus awake so he could eat and spent the rest of breakfast trying to play footsie with him. And by trying, I mean he accidentally kicked Harry once or twice. So Harry kicked him back. Remus just wanted to eat in peace. And drink his pumpkin juice.

If there was one thing Harry had not anticipated coming to the Burrow for the first time in this life, it was Ginny not being bashful and blushing all the time.

Well, she was at first. But it all changed when it was time to de-gnome the garden and Harry bragged he could catch the gnomes with his eyes closed.

"Then do it!" said Ginny, brown eyes bright and challenging.

Her jaw dropped as Harry, summoning the finding powers of Hufflepuff, snagged not one, not two, not three, but four gnomes in one round without looking and chucked them over the fence.

"Teach me how to do that!" she begged.

"Ah, sorry, Gin. Only Hufflepuffs are particularly good finders."

"That may be so." Ron had waltzed over, grinning. "But Gryffindors are known to be good at baseball."

"Since when?" Harry scoffed.

"Since now," said Ron, and tossed a gnome into the air and thwacked it with a broom. It flew quite an impressive distance, Harry had to concede.

Mr. and Mrs. Weasley and Sirius and Remus all watched with varying degrees of confusion as the gnomes were thrown, hit, and punted through the air at breakneck speeds.

Pretty soon, the gnomes started to get tired of being thrown around and left.

"I am a de-gnoming genius," said Harry.

Ron swatted him on the back of his head. "Hey, genius, you lost to me at the punting round."

"But I won at the blind round," Harry retorted. "So ha!" He took a victorious sip of his water to emphasize his point. "But, Ginny, you did an excellent job at golf. Have a straw."

And that was how he and Ginny became sipping pals.

Romantic Hinny? Heck yeah. Chaotic platonic duo Hinny? Also heck yeah. Just Hinny, y'all, I don't care.