Beyond Saturation

E

13 October 2016

Taehyung had carefully dodged everyone's questions until this very day. Yoongi or Hoseok called him regularly to check on him even though he repeatedly told them that he was fine and that he had only fallen off the stairs that day. 

He never answered any of the video calls, however. He always called the missed video callers later and excused himself saying he was busy when they called. 

Jihyo had wanted to meet Junha, but he dodged that as well, coming up with some or the other excuse every time she called, not that her calls were too frequent, anyway. 

His methods didn't work with his brother, however, because one - his brother knew everything about him and two - he didn't want to give his brother a heart disease with all the amount of worrying that he seemed to be doing about Taehyung. 

He made sure to talk to his brother on video calls only after Junha fell asleep. Junha didn't deserve to know what was happening to him, after all. He deserved to live a little peacefully. Taehyung didn't miss any chance to talk to him, though. Just not through video calls. 

Tonight, however, he couldn't avoid answering Jimin's video call. He knew it was his birthday. Thanking the darkness around, he quickly lay down, acting as if Jimin had woken him up from his sleep. 

"Hey, Jimin, happy birthday," he wished with a smile. There was enough darkness around him to not show the bruises on his face and he was thankful for that. The night lamp in their room did miracles, he thought. 

"Thank you, hyung, did you fall asleep already? It's just ten!!" Jimin exclaimed incredulously. Taehyung chuckled even though it hurt his throat. "I've just made this habit to sleep earlier. It helps relieve stress, you know?"

"Ohh...I used to sleep at eight when I was in high school," Jimin said with a chuckle and then frowned, "are you not going to turn the lights on? I can't even see your face clearly!!" 

"Ahh," Taehyung groaned and grinned, "the switch's somewhere else and I'm too lazy to move now. You have to manage with this for today," he said. 

Jimin gave him a sour expression. "Do you have a throat infection or something, though? You sound horrible," he said. Taehyung's smile fell right away, his eyes gaining a faraway look as he thought back to the new habit that his husband had formed. 

Choking him. 

It was as if Jeongguk was opening a new door every week. And once the door opened, things only became intense, never stopping once. He hit him once, and it didn't stop after that. He raped him once, it didn't stop after that whether Aera was there with him or not. He took drugs once, it didn't stop after that. He whipped him once and it didn't stop after that. He choked him once and it didn't seem like it was going to stop either. 

Either way, after being choked so many times and so hard, his voice no longer sounded like the velvety deep honey that he once used to be proud of. It sounded like a squeaky toy that was being stepped upon. 

It didn't take a genius to realize that the cords in Taehyung's throat suffered permanent damage. 

Whenever someone asked him about it, he passed it off as an intense throat infection. At least, they wouldn't ask more. He knew for a fact that both his brother and Yoongi never seemed to buy any of his stories, but he felt that they were holding themself back only because Taehyung didn't seem like he wanted help. It was clear how much both of them were holding back from confronting Taehyung. Yoongi about literally everything and Seokjin about his voice. 

"Hyung....? Are you okay?" Jimin asked when Taehyung didn't reply. It seemed like Taehyung's cheeks were glistening with tears, but Jimin couldn't really be sure with the poor lighting. 

"Me?" Taehyung came to his senses and wiped his tears off right away, "I'm fine, of course," he said and tried to smile, but his eyes and lips betrayed him. While the latter dropped right away, the former gushed more tears out. 

He wondered how he still had the capacity to cry. Just how much water was a human eye capable of producing?

"Hyung!! What happened?!" Jimin asked, sounding desperate this time. Even if the tears on Taehyung's cheeks were an illusion, the sobs that were now clear to his ears couldn't be an illusion, could it?

Taehyung broke down completely, sharing literally every single detail of his life with Jimin, something that he had not even done with Seokjin until then. He didn't care that Jeongguk was right next to him. That man was knocked out senseless after almost choking and hitting Taehyung to death, after all. 

Taehyung didn't understand why he was doing this to a guy half his age, mainly when it was the poor boy's birthday, but now that he finally started, he just couldn't stop. 

By the time he was done, Jimin was crying along with him. The boy didn't know what to say to comfort him, but the fact that he was sharing his pain and crying for him was comfort enough for Taehyung. 

He had suffocated enough without truly sharing his problems with anyone until then, after all. Even a small breath of fresh air was appreciated. 

"I am sorry for ruining your birthday night like this, Jimin-ah," he sniffled after about two and a half hours. "I can't believe I just dumped everything on you like this," he said. 

"No, hyung, I'm glad you shared everything with me. Please don't feel bad about that. But you need to do something about this, hyung. He can't still be hitting you about the divorce thing. You need to report to the cops or something. This isn't right," Jimin said. 

"I know it isn't right, Jimin, but what can I do? I don't want to report him to the cops and make him go to jail or something. This act doesn't deserve life imprisonment. He is definitely going to come out after a few years. It would be a thousand times worse if he develops a grudge by then. I am waiting for him to just agree on signing the divorce paper so that I can legally stay away from him without any future problems," Taehyung explained. "That's why even though I get hit for it every time, I remind him about it every night when he comes back home. Because I hope some or the other day he'll think logically and just sign the paper."

"But how long will you go like this, hyung? Your voice is damaged already, your face is damaged already, how much longer are you going to wait?! You need to be strong to be able to take care of Junha later."

"I know, Jimin. I'll see until the end of this year and report to the cops if nothing changes by then," Taehyung promised. 

"Okay, hyung. Go to sleep now, you need to wake up early to cook for him. Keep me updated, please. I can't believe Jeongguk hyung is like this," Jimin said. 

Taehyung scoffed lifelessly, "I didn't think he would become like this either. Good night, Jimin," he said. 

"Good night, hyung."