Love, Claudia (BWWM)

Chapter Five

CRASH!

The sound of glass shattering filled his ears.

His body being shattered hitting the pavement at warp speed.

His head hitting the ground four times before he went unconscious.

It was all a nightmare.

And he was now awake, but the nightmare was reality.

His hands clutched his bedspread as tears ran down his face.

He was shaken to the core.

And living with the constant reminder of the day he chose to be unknowingly suicidal.

Sometimes his mind played tricks on him.

Sometimes he had dull feelings in his legs, sometimes he had hope that he would walk again.

"O-h, God. P-please, help me. Help me, please," River's heartbroken sobs filled his empty room.

Nights like this, he felt hopeless, helpless, utterly unrepairable within.

But he knew it wasn't true.

He didn't know everything, but he did know that God could not lie, so the words of Jesus remained true even when.

Jesus was always with him.

He could call on Jesus and He would be with him through this hopeless night.

Before the accident, he was in need of no man. He was River Delgato, the man who had it all.

The world was at his fingertips and he only needed to speak and things would happen.

River Delgato was the Lord of his life, of his world.

And River Delgato was on a highway to hell.

Everything was different now, but he prayed for the day that he would be able to walk.

A simple thing taken for granted by all who were gifted in that manner.

He wasn't upset at people who could walk, he was only hopeful that it would again be him.

"God, take the vicious dreams away. Please, I don't know what I've done now, haven't You forgiven me? Is this punishment for my past? I hate the mockery I experience in the night when my mind tricks me into believing I can move without that stupid chair," He swiped away his tears and held a pillow to his face.

Not to hurt himself, but to breathe, to calm down, to remember his suffering was momentary.

God didn't leave him.

He needed hope.

Something showing the light of God's love for him.

A reminder.

He removed the pillow from his face and closed his eyes in prayer.

"Lord, help me overcome this torture. I know that You are with me and are keeping me. Remind me,"

The subtle sensation in his thighs began again suddenly.

His eyes remained closed as he fought to ignore it.

'No more false hope.'

"Help me to understand where I am, only relying on You for hope and not something that will let me down." His legs being in working condition wasn't going to keep him near Christ.

His hope being solidified in the truth of Christ being Lord of all things, situations, and more would keep him near.

At times he wondered if he would have ever thought of reading a Bible before the accident when he could exist without the knowledge of Christ's nearness and immovable sovereignty over all things.