永遠の光 , 𝑬𝒊𝒆𝒏 𝑵𝒐 𝑯𝒊𝒌𝒂𝒓𝒊 | CHIFUYU MATSUNO X FEM! READER

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Y/N's POV

It was a day like any other.
I woke up early as always and got
in class in time. Now I'm sitting here
at my table, waiting for class
to start.

The first lesson is history.

I'm not that kind of student who constantly participates in class. To be honest I rarely ever talk in class. I'd rather take notes. Even if I wanted to, I just can't see myself raising my hand in class.

What if I say something wrong? Or stupid? I couldn't handle such an embarrassment...

My teachers do say I need to have more courage and I apologize every single time because I feel so bad for worrying my teachers.

I always burden others with my behavior. Why am I so dumb...? Why couldn't I be born with more intelligence? Or be more normal in general?

Even in class I'm known as the quite girl but none of them have ever talked to me. Except during group assignments. And it's always super akward.

In the end most of my classmates even ignore me and do the assignments without me.

I don't get what I did wrong... is it really because I don't talk that much? Is it because of my appearance? Do I look that appalling?

But on the other hand it also has its good sides since I'm not a burden to anyone. At least not so much. Just think positive Y/N... Just think positive.

When the class finished, I decide to go to my usual place: the school toilets. It may not be the best place to eat, however I had my peace there. And to be completely honest, this place is my only retreat.

I don't feel comfortable anywhere else without constantly having too many thoughts. Most of them were negative.

I don't want people to see that I'm not feeling well. I hate the looks they give me, the gossiping. I can't be a burden to anyone. My parents would be really mad.

There are tears in my eyes nevertheless I blink them away and get my food out with a growling stomach. Suddenly I remembered something.

I almost forgot... yeah that's why I have way less food with me than usual. I'm too chubby which means I'm worrying my parents again. If I only drink water...

That should be fine.

Sadly, I put my food back in my bag and drink water instead. Meanwhile the tears were already rolling down.

I wish I wasn't like that... like the way I am.

I hate it.

I hate the way I look, my voice, my personality, my weight-

Why can't I be like other people in my age? Why am I so incompetent?? Plus my grades are so bad...

"I can't do this anymore...", I mumbled in a shaky voice, "shit... why is everyone so much better than me? I don't get it..."

I drink my water and then look at the time. The break was already over ten minutes ago but I do not have the motivation to go.

My eyes were too swollen.

Everyone would immediately notice this. I need to stay here until my eyes look better.

That's my first time to skip a lesson. Didn't think I'd ever do that but here we are...

Haha...

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