Love That's Ugly (Completed)

Not A Choice

Gulf was neither happy nor unhappy. If he could actually put it into words what life felt like to him, he would say unamusing. It wasn't terrible but there wasn't anything amazing happening either. He was just living it because he was alive, nothing drove him to make something out of himself. Maybe that's why his parents only default expression while looking at him or talking about him was of disappointment or at times disgust. Are parents allowed to be disgusted of their own child? Maybe the blame lies with him, if only he wasn't abnormal, things may have been quite different.

At the age of 25 he was still lounging at home, doing absolutely nothing other than wasting his time. He had somehow completed his schooling and graduation, but couldn't land a job anywhere even with his parents help. He had joined his Dad's company but couldn't survive there for even a month. He made a mess of everything and before he could embarrass his parents further they decided to keep him at home claiming he was working on his artistic abilities.

What those abilities may be you might wonder. A writer was what his parents went with since he used to keep journal when he was young and seemed most plausible one given the circumstances. They even hired someone to write a book and got it published under his name, boosting it with marketing influence to the bestseller list. Shame was all he felt when people complimented his writing skills or smiled at him thinking he was someone. But in reality he was no one. An empty shell.

His student days were the worst since he was stupid and slow at retaining things. Teachers and students were all fed up with him but no one bullied him because of his family name. As if that wasn't worst, he had age regression disorder. He would revert to younger mindset, at times 8-10 years younger than his age whenever faced with stressful situations. In the younger mindset, he would often get moody or throw temper tantrums. He couldn't get psychiatric treatment because his parents didn't want the world to know about his disorder. This prevented him from ever getting into a romantic relationship with anyone. Like hell anyone would want to date someone like him.

Forget about dating, he didn't even have friends to begin with. Some people did become his friends just for the sake of garnering favours from his family but quickly realized he was too much trouble. He had been alone for as long as he could remember and to be honest it wasn't that bad. Solitude didn't scare him like it used to. He preferred it more than anything else. Being surrounded by people was suffocating for him, looking at them or talking to them made him anxious. Even going to store to buy something wasn't easy for him. He could feel everyone's eyes on him and it felt like they were judging and mocking him.

He hardly went out since most of things he needed the helpers got them for him. He stayed inside his room, just staring at the walls or sleeping. There were days when he didn't utter a single word. His parents didn't indulge in conversation with him either. In fact they avoided him as much as they could. Like if they didn't see him enough, they could pretend he didn't exist. He wished he didn't exist. He had thought of killing himself but was too much of a coward to actually do it.

"Gulf come downstairs. We need to talk." His mother called him.

He went to the living room where his parents were sitting with solemn expression, "Yes?"

His father placed a photo on the table of young man, "This is Mew Suppasit, son of our business associate. You'll be marrying him."

Gulf was shocked, "What?"

"Are you deaf?" His father scoffed.

He said timidly, "But I'm not gay."

"Did I ask you? Your wedding will be next month."

"But-"

"It's final. Don't argue anymore."

"Does he know about my condition?"

"No, and he better not. Keep it a secret."

"But how will-"

"If he finds out and divorces you, I'll kill you."

"If that happens, just kill yourself. Don't come back here." His mother said.

"Be a good boy and marry him quietly. Don't create a fuss unless you want to be homeless." His father threatened him.

Gulf agreed reluctantly, "Okay." It's not like he had a choice.

That's how marriage between Suppasit and Kanawut was fixed and they had wedding in February, just 20 days away. Gulf couldn't help but hyperventilate. He wasn't ready to marry anyone and on top of that a guy. He wasn't gay, he had never been in a romantic relationship to actually know his sexual orientation. Love had been an elusive concept for him. He didn't even get parental love so how could he even hope for someone else to love him. He had never even thought of having a husband or wife for that matter.

Whoever this guy was, he was going to be pissed off when he realizes he had married a mentally sick person. What would he do if Mew wanted to divorce him? It was unfair to Mew since he doesn't know what he was getting himself into. No way would he actually accept Gulf for who he is. His own parents didn't so why would a stranger?

Gulf knew it was going to be nothing but disaster. He didn't even know the guy and he had spend rest of his life with him. How would he survive that? He didn't do well with strangers, it triggered his condition and Mew was definitely going to find out. It's not like he could control it at whim. And when he finds out, he would definitely leave him then what would he do? Where would he go? It's not like he could survive on his own. That's how pathetic he was, he needed someone to support him financially. His future looked doomed and there was nothing he could do.