Love That's Ugly (Completed)

Falling In Despair

Warning (Sensitive Content)

Mew drove to his house in daze. He still couldn't wrap his mind around the that fact that Tine had broken up with him. No matter how much he cried and begged, Tine refused to take him back. How could their love fall apart so easily? Was his lie so bad that Tine couldn't forgive him? Mew knew he had broken Tine's trust but why couldn't Tine see his love? What other option did he have? It wasn't like he had wanted to get married. Wasn't he just as much victim as Tine? Had he told Tine about his marriage, he would have left him and that's what happened anyway. He had to marry a stranger while he lost the love of his life.

But he knew he couldn't put the blame on Tine, the guy had done nothing wrong. Anyone would react in the same way being lied like that would be daunting on any relationship yet Mew had gone ahead with his deception knowing very well that the day Tine knew about this, it would end their love. A fool he had been in love, no matter how fleeting, he wanted it to last. In this moment he hated his parents more than he ever had.

They had been calculating and manipulative since he could remember. Every friend he made should have a social status worth something or everything he did needs to have some value. He couldn't just do things for fun or amusement. Every mistake needed to be punished harshly to instill fear and discipline. When he was young he thought that's how parents were. It was when he went to school and made friends, he realized that's not how parents are supposed to be. It was shocking when his classmates talked about their mother feeding them or their father taking them out for ice cream. Such simple joys he had been deprived of.

All that luxury and wealth yet Mew yearned for a simple hug. He was twelve years old when he first knew what it felt like to be hugged. His friend had hugged him when they won a game in sports meet and he realized it was warm. He went home that day and hugged his mother only to be pushed away like he was something disgusting. Never did he hug anyone again until he met Tine. He would always greet Tine with a hug because for him that was one of the most intimate thing for him. No would ever know how much a simple hug meant to him.

Maybe he was just like them, cold and manipulative. He had deceived Tine so easily, why would anyone want to be with him. He drowned in self pity as he made his way home. He went straight to his room and plopped down on the bed. Gulf was watching TV when Mew came home looking like a lost puppy. He wanted to ask him what was wrong but stopped himself on fear of being reprimanded. Mew hardly talked to him kindly so why should he care whether he was okay or not.

But soon his indifference turned into concern when Mew didn't come out of his room the next day. It was already evening and Mew hadn't stepped out of his room even once. He hadn't eaten anything at all since last night and Gulf was worried about him. He had knocked at the door twice but received no response. By the time it was 10 pm, Mew staggered out of his room completely drunk and wrecked. Gulf was shocked to see the Mew lose control like this. His hair was disheveled, eyes bloodshot and puffy from crying continuously.

Gulf strode towards him, "Mew, are you okay?"

"Yes."

"You don't look okay. Sit down and stop drinking."

Mew took another mouthful from the bottle, "Why? I'm fine."

"I don't think so. You haven't eaten anything. Don't drink on empty stomach."

"Ar..... Are you w- worried about me?" He slurred.

"Yes, I am. Please sit down."

"Worrrried about me? Meee? Are you Tine? Tine worried about me a lot. You look like him." Mew squinted at him trying to recognize him.

Gulf asked, "Tine?"

"My boyfriend. No, my ex boyfriend."

Now it was all clear to Gulf, "No, I am not Tine. But you should probably stop drinking."

"Why? It's better when I'm drunk. It hurts a little less."

Gulf didn't know what to say to Mew. He felt guilty because he was the reason for the breakup though it wasn't really his fault. Mew took a step forward and tripped. He fell face first, hitting his head on the table. Gulf lurched forward to grab hold of him and both of were tangled on the floor. Mew groaned in pain and then looked down to stare at Gulf for few seconds in silence.

He caressed Gulf's cheeks tenderly, almost like a lover, "Tine, babe is that you?"

"Mew-"

"Why did you break my heart? Can't you see I'm in pain?"

"Mew-"

"Please take me back. I beg you. Don't leave me. I'll do anything you say." He started crying pitifully.

"I'm not-"

Mew hugged him tightly, "I'm sorry. I'm really sorry. I'll never lie to ypu again. I won't ever hide anything from you. Please stay with me."

Gulf tried to push him away but he wouldn't budge, "Snap out of it."

"I'm sorry. Please Tine. Gulf doesn't mean anything to me. I don't like him at all. He's nothing to me. You're the only one I love."

Gulf could feel hurt and anger mix inside him so he harshly pushed away Mew, "I'm not your Tine."

Mew crawled towards him, " Please, don't leave."

Gulf felt pity and anger for his husband. He had never been in love so he didn't know how it felt to break up but it wasn't like Mew was blameless. He shouldn't have lied to his boyfriend in first place. Gulf stood up debating what to do when Mew grabbed his arm in desperate attempt to stop him, his mind was in right state.

"If you will leave me then.... t-then I'll kill myself." Mew's weren't focused anywhere. Like he was stuck in some bad memory.

Gulf said in concern, "Mew stop this."

"No..... You're leaving.... I can't..... Need you..... Please." His words weren't clear now.

Gulf pulled his hand back and that was last straw for Mew. He let out a cry similar to wounded animal and dashed to kitchen with Gulf following after him. Mew took the knife from the counter and slashed his wrist in rashly, cutting deep, moved the knife again and sliced right below the first one, this one deeper than the former and would have cut again but Gulf grabbed the knife and threw it away.

He tried to stop the bleeding by wrapping a cloth around it but it wasn't enough. Mew grew silent after hurting himself. He wasn't crying anymore nor was he uttering any word. It was like the fight had left his body. He let Gulf drag him to the car and drive him to the hospital. Everything was getting blurred and soon it all went dark and for the first time since morning the pain subsided.