I Came To Love You

Chapter 7: Who I am

The spring breeze blew, and the cherry blossoms had begun to blow leaving the parks full of their scent. It was a new beginning. I walked every day through the same paths. I was always heading to leave a flower on My beloved's Grave. It has already been 2 years since he died in my hands. Murdered in cold blood. I had been rough for the past years. As I walked those streets I remembered his laugh, his smile. Every corner we lived in was a beautiful moment. He taught me how to live. Every moment I became sad or felt down I remember his words, he would have wanted me to move on to become a great person, to smile. I wanted to be that better me and I know wherever he is he will be proud. I became a makeup artist. I even opened up my own salon. I had made great friends. Friends that I could hang out with at night. We would be going to karaoke night having a few drinks, dancing, and singing. I bought my house. My first house and my first car were everything I had that I wished for. As I stood in front of his grave, I would always thank him for coming into my life, for being that chapter. But as I continued to live my life I remembered the moment with him.

The love he gave me and that love I wished I could have given him. Today would have been his birthday, well the day I gave him as I headed down to the beach where he used to just sit and stare blankly into the ocean. I watch the waves and the sunset go down. I started to wish to the ocean that he would receive my message. As I wrote down on the sand all I ever wanted him to know I watched the waves take it away from me and hopefully he would receive it. There are times that I felt that he was there but that he was who was walking with me protecting me. I had changed. Not for anyone but for me. From afar there had been chaos. Something suddenly had been happening on the other side of the beach. I walked to see it was a girl who kept walking deeper and deeper into the ocean. People were just standing there. As I knew that feeling but I know that I was able to save her just like Jimin did. If he had not come to save me that day I wouldn't be here.

I jumped in, swimming as fast as I could to save the girl. I sat her down, letting her cry. As she started to explain to me not feeling worthy of anything. I knew I used to feel like that. I wanted to talk about it. Damn it. I wanted to scream. I wanted to yell. I wanted to shout about it. But all I could do was whisper, "I'm fine. I didn't want to wake up. I was having a much better time asleep. And that's really sad. It was almost like a reverse nightmare, like when you wake up from a nightmare you're so relieved. I woke up into a nightmare. I had lived through this tough world, facing every barrier. But I knew and remembered the same words he said to me. He would say "You are allowed to feel messed up and inside out. It doesn't mean you're defective—it just means you're human." She cried and cried, giving me a hug. Saying "thank you my guardian angel. Looking back, everyday was a practice. The moments when I dared to say everything would last forever. I loved living in that illusion.

 If it weren't for your wise words I don't know what I would have done. She bowed and walked off feeling much better. I sighed and inhaled the fresh air. Feeling like Everything was new to me. It feels like I've found all the missing pieces in my world. I feel like I can befriend anything unfamiliar, and overcome difficulties that will come my way. I feel stronger. Nothing lasts forever. Everything is momentary. They all flow away. And that's not always a bad thing. I watched her walk away, it felt nice to be called a guardian angel. I stood up and shook the sand off my pants. So this is how he felt helping me and protecting me. I felt more alive. I looked into the ocean saying goodbye as I hoped that this was all a dream. I have faith that he made the right choice. Though it caused me great pain. I'm sure he went somewhere better. Somewhere less tiring. And somewhere he'll get hurt less. I walked by the streets where that  lonely corner was closed, as I held his coat I placed it on the bench. And said "This is where I met you for the first time. And this is where we end" I whipped my tears, and held my head high. As I left his memories  back to where they belong.