Look After You

As Long As I'm Here

Y/N's P.O.V.

Yelena and I stayed up well past the time I was supposed to go to sleep after our heated discussion. I don't count it as an argument because we both were dealing with things that were very different.

I had a right to have the worries I had and still have. I don't have a bad gut feel about Yelena herself but I also wanted to more things about her since she is going to live with me for a bit. Granted I did invite a strange to stay with me but the way I was looking at it was that she needed help. Every time she ate here she was scarfing her food down and even though she looked nice I noticed how drained she was.

There wasn't color to her face, no life inside of her eyes, and she was obviously very tired. I could tell she did her best to hide it but failed on numerous accounts. Seeing her yawn but while trying to hide it along with constantly rubbing her eyes to make them feel less heavy, it was very obvious she was neglecting herself. Maybe not on purpose but either way she didn't look too good.

Now that Yelena's here she does eat a lot better, her color is coming back to a golden skin tone with her eyes starting to brighten. She also sleeps better and I can tell, since she sleeps later than I do but wakes up well rested. I'm glad that she gets what she needs being here.

Now back to last night...I can also see Yelena's side of the discussion because I mean she was forced into a lot of things as a young child into adulthood. Everything that I took for granted like first kisses, highschool, sports, prom, and every first time you could have, while Yelena didn't experience any of it. If I knew the extent of everything I wouldn't have pushed as hard as I did but I shouldn't have anyway.

I felt bad seeing the look on her face and the cracking in her voice while telling me just about everything in her past. It was very visible that even talking about it put her in a position to relive the moments that have tortured her soul.

I couldn't and can never imagine going through that process. Hell I'm still trying to wrap my mind about what she told me and what bothers me the most is when she said she has more bodies than anyone could imagine.

"I'd kill him all over again."

That sentence rings through my mind and I now understand. That night she killed that man who attacked me, that's why she didn't want me saying her name....so she wouldn't get caught.

Should I be scared? Yes for sure, she practically murdered someone right in front of me.

Am I scared though? Of course not, hearing her constant repetition of the sentence 'you're safe with me' calms my worries. She also did it in defensive and saved many other women by killing him.

In the end when I look at her all I see is a lost soul trying to find a place in this new world of hers. She hasn't had any guidance of a regular person through out life like I have or just about anyone for that matter. I just see a hurt little girl that's been betrayed and beaten down to the point of almost irreversible damage.

No one deserves that and I'm not excusing her actions but as she explained further on...she kind of has an excuse. It might be unbelievable to most but also there have been many things in my life that are unbelievable too.

That's why I haven't judged her from the beginning. This world is already filled with hate and judgement with people fighting one another instead of with each other. So why would I fall into the same pit as the rest of the world when I could make a difference? Even if it's just Yelena that I change even in the slightest bit, it still counts for something.

Yelena is worth saving, I just hope she lets me.

"Y/N your phone...shut it uppppp." Yelena complains stuffing her head under her pillow.