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❝In those mesmerizing hues, I've seen a better me. And in that 'better me', it's me in your arms.❞
[Y/N'S POV]
Explosion. Erosion. Emotions. That word alone had stayed as an unknown element for me for years of my whole existence. Sometimes that word and its definition feels like a concept I could easily understand but frequently? I feel like I just have it but nothing else more.
Like a complex material, that there's a time I feel like it is easily attainable but one blink of an eye would suddenly bring me to a realization that I am a thousand steps away from it. Again.
Emotions... a simple word yet complicated at the same time.
People say that it is something big of a deal, it is everything, it is power and it is also knowledge. A symbol of strength and weakness depends on the person controlling it. Indeed, not just nothing.
But on the shorter end of the stick which is the one I am always getting, it is labyrinthine, or it feels like a void we feel in the darkness, endless. It is simply just there for it to fill you, so you wouldn't have gaps, holes or an empty space, but still despite it being an abstract matter to take up a space of an area, it's still feels nothing. It's the presence and absence of a matter at the same time.
And I'm sure it is anything but understandable.
The mere presence of it is just there but always an element that is incomprehensible. It's just existing so it can be said that you have it, nonetheless, whether you are capable of handling it, understanding it, or managing it is out of anyone's business but you.
Well, in my case, I could never really tell.
Thump. Thump. Thump.
Ever since I was younger, I've been in this unending loop of misery. Sometimes, it feels like I lost the sense of myself, sense of understanding it, and sense of importance to continue the act of living.
It was always easy for me to overanalyze what is happening to me, it is always brain before heart.
And that is the biggest downfall I've had. I tend to study my emotions rather than feeling it, to analyze it rather than actually letting myself undergo through those sensation to finally be able to understand how I can cope with it healthily.
