In This Town

march 17, 2022

Jamison•

This isn't the first time this has happened. My imagination taking over, thinking that Alexa is back, when she's not.

For seven years, I've had these ideas float around. That she's back, and she isn't going to leave again. That it's all just some terrible nightmare that I'm yet to wake up from. But it's not, and that reality hit harder than I thought it would.

So maybe it's just another one of those days, where my brain tricks me into seeing something, someone, that's not there.

"James do you know her?" Finn questions, snapping me out of my internal sob fest.

"Yeah. Yeah I think so," I mutter. He must think I'm crazy.

"Oh shit!" He yells. "That's the Alexa Morgan! Is that what you were coming to tell me?!"

"I mean, Alexa wouldn't come back," I say. "Her parents said she wouldn't, her sister, our friends. They all said she was long gone," I try to comprehend.

"Let me see that picture of her again." He reaches for my phone.

I pull up the picture of her and I in the summer of 2016, probably the best summer of my life. Then everything got ripped away from me, all at once.

My parents split, my brother died, and the love of my life moved away. It felt like the world was out to get me.

"Yeah J that's definitely her." He zooms in on her face.

"Except she's got a kid now," Sadie adds.

This can not be happening to me. Just when things started feeling normal, when I really thought I was letting her go, she comes back.

But I think of the look on her face when she saw me. Horror, anxiety, disgust even. She knows just as much as I do, that there's no going back. That whatever happened then, has to be forgotten about now.

Whoever we were six, seven, years ago, don't exist anymore. We've grown, separated, and survived alone.

"We're closing early today," Finn starts. "I'll call everyone, for a fire?"

"Okay, ask Charlie if she still has Alexa's phone number, and invite her too." Sadie suggests.

"You heard what she said, the kids got a long day tomorrow." Finley argues.

"Just do it. God." Sadie rolls her eyes, cleaning off the counter.

•••

I wasn't surprised that everyone else showed up, but seeing Alexa walk up to the spot we've practically owned since high school, was almost like a knife to the chest. So close, but so far at the same time.

"Lex I can not believe you're back! You haven't changed a bit!" Sarah practically tackles her. They giggle, hugging on the ground.

"God it's so crazy being back. I really thought I was going to stay in Texas forever." She smiles.

They two join us, Sarah sitting between Alexa and I. This has to be the closest I've been to her in years.

"Okay, so what is Texas like? Do they surf a lot there? Or is it all just cowboys?" Trent questions. He's always been the curious one of the friend group. Also the most blond, but that's beside the point.

"There's surfing. Not nearly as much, or as often as here," She motions to the crashing waves, barley visible as the last light of the sun disappears. "But yes a lot of cowboys too." She laughs. A sound that I thought I had forgotten.

"Sick!" He chuckles, giving her a light punch in the shoulder.

"It's cool. I don't think that I've officially met you before, but it's Sadie, right?" Alexa says, her tone sweet and curious.

"Right. By the way, your daughter is adorable. How old is she?" Sadie smiles. Everyone else's mouths drop to the floor.

"You have a kid now?!" Trent shouts, in utter disbelief.

"Yeah," Alexa looks away. "Yeah she's a good kid and, shes, five." She hesitates, looking over at me.

"Well where's the little babe?" Sarah questions. "If she's anything like her mother, she's gotta be a pretty cool kid." She teases.

"She's at home with Stel and my mom. She starts school tomorrow, so she's a little nervous." Alexa smiles, I assume at the thought of her daughter.

"And who's the lucky boy?" Charlie nudges at her.

"Oh, um-" She looks over at me, the down it her feet. I don't think she realizes she's doing it, but she's picking at her nails. "He's not really in the picture."

"Oh," The word slips out of my mouth before I can catch myself.

"It's not really that big of a deal. I don't think Evie really realizes that it's different, ya know?" She questions.

"For sure. She's a lucky kid Lex, 'specially having you as a mom." Trent says, patting her knee.

Silence washes over the group. It's so awkward, knowing that there's so much to say, but no one daring to say a word. So many questions, that will go unanswered tonight.

"I um- I should probably get back, Evies got a long day, and there's a lot to do," Alexa starts, grabbing her bag.

"You okay walking back by yourself?" Finn questions.

"Hm? Oh yeah I'm fine." She tells him.

As she slowly disappears into the darkness, I can't help but wonder; why is she back?