In This Town

April 30, 2022

Alexa•

Jamison has been acting, strange, since the daddy- daughter dance. I don't know if it was just because it was weird for him, or because he found something out.

It's crazy, thinking that he did. No one knows but me, my family, Sarah, and Charlie. So, unless they said something, he doesn't know.

But watching him with Evie kills me. She loves him so much, and he loves her the same. He needs to know. It's something he deserves.

And maybe I'm just scared. Scared of how he'll react, what he'll think, what he may do. Or, I could just be over thinking it. He could very much be so happy, and think nothing of it. It scares me how it could go. But I'm going to do it. I'm planning on doing it today. So he's coming to my house, my mom with Evie at the beach.

I'm not ready for Evie to know yet.

The knock on the door, makes my heart pound. A six, almost seven year secret, all about to come spilling out.

"Hey," Jamison awkwardly side hugs me. "What's up?" He asks.

"I just, need to, talk to you, about something." I tell him. My stomach tying itself in knots .

"Is everything okay?" He questions, putting his hand on my knee, as we sit down on the couch.

"I've been um, keeping something from you. Something pretty important, that I think you should know." I mumble. He tucks a piece of hair behind my ear. He cups my face in his, soft, soft hands, that I miss.

"It's just me and you Lex, you can talk to me." He softly says, tears roll down my cheeks.

"When I got pregnant with Evie, I knew, a lot of things were going to change. They had to change. It wasn't just me who I had to worry about anymore. There was a whole other human being, who needed stability, comfort, and a normal childhood."

"If you're telling me this because you think that if you and I ever became more again, I am more than," He starts.

"This isn't about us Jamison." I state.

"Okay,"

"Evies dad, isn't in the picture, because, I chose for him not to be. I guess I was just scared of what was going to happen," I start. He slowly lets ago of my cheeks, anxiously picking at his fingernails.

"Lex,"

"No, just let me finish, okay?" He nods his head and I continue. "I was nineteen when I had Evie. Got pregnant when I was eighteen. That means that she six, not five," I tell him. "I ran away, because I wanted what I thought was best for everyone involved in the situation."

"Alexa, what are you trying to get at?" He questions, running a soft hand over mine.

"Evie is your daughter, Jamison." I blurt.

"Oh my god," Is all that come out of his mouth. I feel a rush of relief, and an overwhelming sense of guilt, all at once.

"I know it's a lot, and a little late, but Jamison,"

"A little? Alexa six years isn't a little! That's almost half of her childhood!" He raises his voice.

"I can not believe this," Jamison rubs his hand through his hair, and across his face. So many emotions flood the room.

"I never wanted to hurt you Jamison, I guess I just wanted what was best for Evie." I try to explain, but words will never be enough.

"What's best for her?! What, did you think I would be a shitty dad?! Did you think that I wouldn't be good enough for her?!" He yells.

I have to remind myself that he deserves to be mad with me. Upset, and angry about my actions. That I am in the wrong here.

"I never thought that Jamison. Never."

"Then what was it about me that made you think that I wouldn't be good enough for Evie?" He yells, tears in his eyes.

"You had just gotten a once in a lifetime scholarship to an Ivy League College! You were moving half way across the county for god sakes! I try to explain.

"I wouldn't have left if I had known Alexa!"

"And that's exactly why I didn't tell you." I confess

"God Dammit Alexa!" He shouts. I cant control my crying anymore.

"I'm sorry Jamison. I'm so sorry," I cry. He just shakes his head. Everything in me screams.

"Just, be quiet. You've done enough!" He snaps.

We sit in silence. His facial expressions change every minute. I patiently wait for him so say something. Anything.

"I can't believe you." He mutters, shaking his head in disbelief. "How could you do something like this? You took six, almost seven years of my time with her. All because you thought it was right." A look of disgust washes over his face.

"I have hundreds of pictures of her," I mumble, walking over to a closet and pulling a large box out. I gently put it on the table, and he opens it, pulling out pictures of Evie.

"My god she was a beautiful baby." He smiles, as if all the anger has washed out of him.

"She was nearly a perfect baby. Never fussed or anything really. I have a lot of videos, if you want,"

"Jesus, I'm going to have to watch her grow up through videos." He says, the disgust and anger coming back into his tone.

"Im sorry," I mumble.

"Who else knew?" He questions.

"My mom, my sister, and most recently, Charlie and Sarah." I tell him.

"Where is she? Does Evie know?"

"She's at the beach with my mom. And no, I didn't tell her. I thought that might be something we slowly ease her into."

"I want you to call your mom, and have her bring Evie here. And then, we're going to tell her. Because if anything, she deserves to know. She's suffered long enough." Jamison spits. The words cut deeper and deeper.

"Okay." I whisper. I pull my phone out, and call my mom. She agrees to bring her home. And now, we wait.

In complete, and utter silence. No noise fills the room. Just my own thoughts screaming at me.