April 30, 2022

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Jamison•

It's unbelievable. A secret like that, kept for so long. There's no way in hell anyone could even begin to comprehend how awful all of this feels.

Knowing that you've unwillingly gotten time with your child taken away from you, is soul crushing.

But when I watch the sweet little five year old walk in the door, seeing her mother crying, and not knowing what's going on, it kills me even more.

"Mom?" She softly says, wrapping her arms around Alexa.

"Evie, we need to talk to you honey," She mumbles, pulling her, our, daughter, onto her lap.

She looks over at me, her sweet little eyes, pleading with me to tell her what's going on. What's going to happen. Why her mother is crying, and why I seem to be the reason.

"Eve, I know you've wanted to meet your daddy for a while now," Alexa starts. "And I think it's time for you to meet him, if you want that."

If you want that. Giving Evie the choice. Not me, but Evie.

"Can I! Can I! Can I! She looks around the room, for her father.

I walk over to her, kneeling in front of her, a smile on my lips. My heart races, excited to tell her that she's mine.

"I'm right here Evie. I'm. Right. Here." I tell her. She looks up at Alexa, confused.

"It's true Evie." Alexa confirms.

She looks back at me, a smile growing on her face. She practically jumps on me, squeezing me so tight, giggling.

Every emotion hits me at once. Happiness, joy, grief, love, and immense sadness. Five years, stollen.

"I always knew my daddy was somewhere in the world," She whispers into my ear. "And I finally found you."

"I'm sorry it took so long pumpkin." I whisper back, tears welling in my eyes. I squeeze her back, letting her body sink into mine, her body shaking. She sniffles.

"Does this mean that we're all going to live together, as a family?" Evie questions. It's a dagger to the chest.

"No sweetheart, it doesn't." Alexa tells her.

"But Gramma and Grampa do. And all of my friends moms and dads do." Evie complains.

"Maybe someday Evie. But not today, or right now." I say. I know just how heartbreaking it is to have split parents.

"Does it mean that you'll come to all my recitals?" Evie questions.

"Of course Eves. I wouldn't want to miss it." I smile, rubbing my finger across her cheek.

"And does that mean I get to call you dad?" She shyly mutters. And it makes me so happy. Beyond words.

"It sure does. And I promise you, I'm not leaving. Ever. So you'll get to call me dad for forever." I pinch her cheek; she giggles.

She pushes away from me, looking over at Alexa. Tears rolls down her cheeks, as she sniffles. But she deserves this. She deserves to feel guilty, and sad. She did this. Not me, not Evie, but Alexa.

"Sweetheart, can I talk to your mom alone for just a second?" I ask the six year old. She nods, a big smile on her face. She skips down the hall, into her bedroom.

"Fuck," I mumble. "I still can not believe this." I rub my hands across my face. She refuses to look at me, and I don't blame her. She's done something so awful, and terrible. Not only affecting myself, but her own daughter.

"Is there anything else this important you're keeping from me, Alexa?" I spit. I cant stand even looking at her.

She shakes her head, not daring to make a single noise. I sigh, stand up, and walk down the hall to Evies room.

She sits happily at her desk, coloring something in a coloring book. I lightly knock on the door, and she looks over at me. I see myself in her, more than I ever thought I would.

Our hair, eyes, cheeks, face figure, and most importantly, confidence. She's a fierce little thing, and I adore it.

"Hey pumpkin, what are you coloring?" I ask her, walking behind her desk chair, to get a better look.

"A ballet dancer!" She cheers, smiling up at me. I pull her up off her chair, and onto my right hip.

"Daddy, can I stay at your house tonight?" She questions. Everything in me screams yes, and I know I shouldn't care what Alexa has to say about any of this, but it's only fair if I ask her first.

"Let me ask your mom, okay?" I tell her, placing her back down on her bed.

"Okay!"

I go back down the hallway, to the living room. Alexa glued to the same spot she was.

"Evie wants to stay the night at my house, if it's okay with you." I say.

"Whatever she wants." She mutters, barely loud enough for me to hear her.

I turn back around, to go tell Evie, but she's peaking her head out of the room, listening to the conversation. She smiles, as I meet her eye.

She runs down the hall, with an already packed bag, and into my arms. I pick her up, twirling her around, and we head for the door.

Evie waves goodbye to her mother, before the door shuts behind us.

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