Fools in Love

17- Sam

Sam

It was an adrenaline rush arguing with Noah. I knew that sounded toxic and maybe I was crazy, but I couldn't help how I felt. Like my whole body was on fire. My heart was racing, and I was back on that cliff again.

"If you're so concerned about me being pleased, then do something about it!" I was pretty sure that's what I said, but if I'm being honest, I was so wrapped up in Noah, I could be wrong.

Either way, seconds after I spoke those words, Noah's large hands were capturing my face and his lips went to mine.

My hands took in the fabric of his t-shirt and I pulled him closer as I kissed him back with so much passion. Kissing Noah after months of no contact was the equivalent to doing the Polar Plunge: an exhilarating shock to my whole body. And I would do it again in a heartbeat.

We were quick and brutal with our kiss, making up for lost time. And I was craving more, longing for his touch.

I opened my mouth for his tongue to explore mine which brought a moan out of me. But what really got me going was when Noah's hand slid down to my throat. He tilted my head up, his lips attacking my neck. "Oh God," I breathed out, "I've missed this," I admitted. I really did.

Noah's hand moved lower and lower until he was right where my body wanted him. He rubbed me through my pants- but I desperately wanted him to touch me without clothing on- as he whispered, "We both know I can please you better than Boring Ben."

I moaned because God damn, he was right; I hadn't been that turned on in a while. Ben was good, but-

Ben!

I shoved Noah back "Stop. Stop, stop, stop," I said quickly. "I'm-" I took a deep breath. "I'm with Ben. I like Ben. He's- it's simple with him, and easier."

"You don't want easier," Noah claimed, his hand going back behind my ear as he leaned in.

I placed my hand on his chest before he could kiss me again. "No," I whispered.

"You want easier?" Noah questioned me, seemingly frustrated.

"No," I shook my head and quickly corrected myself, "I mean yes." I felt like I was going to pass out from how dizzy my mind was.

"Which is it?"

"I need easier," I confirmed, but I felt lost, tangled in the mixed emotions from kissing Noah and the undeniable guilt I felt for Ben. I wanted to throw up or maybe just run away.

"That's not what I asked you. I asked you if you want easier. Not need."

"I want easier," I said, but my stomach felt queasy. I needed to go to Ben. I was so stupid, I did this again, it was like I couldn't help but ruin relationships. What was wrong with me?

Noah looked like he just woke up back to reality. Reality of us two not being together. "Right. I'm... I'm sorry." He ran his hand through his hair. There was a pause and I didn't know what to say, but then he added. "I'll drive you home."

"Wait, we- we didn't even talk about things, I don't-"

"I don't know if there's any more to talk about. You're with Ben... you want Ben," Noah said as if those words were a hard pill to swallow.

I hastily swiped at my eyes that were watery. "I'm sorry," I didn't know why I apologized for me wanting to be with Ben, but Noah just shook it off. Then another, but different apology "I'm sorry about Carter and I." I hated myself for what I did with Carter. It ruined too many relationships.