Fools in Love

20- Noah

Noah

I watched Sam walk into the bathroom and as soon as the door swung shut, I turned to Kaitlyn, "What the fuck, Kaitlyn?"

"What? I'm helping," she insisted. Kai looking back and forth between us while he sipped on the straw from his milkshake.

"No you weren't. You're making things uncomfortable. I told you last night that Sam and I agreed not to speak to each other. Ya' know, after he rejected me. So stop whatever shit you're trying to pull," I seethed, feeling my anger boil over. I took a deep breath, trying not to lash out at her, but she was making it damn difficult.

"He kissed you back, Noah. That means something," Kaitlyn pressed.

"No it doesn't, not when at the end of the night, he goes back to Ben."

Kai cleared his throat and we both looked at him. "Not to stick my nose where it doesn't belong, but Sam's definitely in love with you."

"What?" I questioned him, wondering if I heard him correctly.

"When he looks at you, it's like his whole world stops," Kai said and I hated how my heart felt at those words. "When he looks at Ben, Ben's just another person in the crowd. If you want my opinion; Sam's too afraid to get his heart broken again. That's why he chose Ben, he knows Ben will never leave him." And he slurped the rest of his milkshake as if what he said wasn't an anomaly.

"See?" Kaitlyn spoke to me.

"Move," I demanded, feeling irritated, but also felt the bats in my stomach making a riot, excited by their new discovery.

"Huh?" Kaitlyn questioned me.

"Move out, Jesus Christ," I told her again and finally she scooted out of the booth so I could get out.

"Okay, jeez," Kaitlyn muttered.

I didn't care because I was already making my way to the bathroom. When I opened the door, and stepped in, Sam must've been ready to walk out because the door almost hit him. "Sorry," I said.

"It's okay, um, I was just gonna-" Sam gestured to the door.

"I didn't come in here to use the bathroom," I told him.

Sam sighed and stepped back from the door to let me step and, letting the door swing shut, "Yeah, I figured, but I'm not really in the mood to talk. Kaitlyn kinda ruined that."

"I know. She was way out of line, I'm sorry."

"You don't have to apologize on her account," he said seeming to find the dirty, tiled floor more appealing than looking at me.

I took a bold step closer to him which got him to face me. "Why Ben?" I asked in a soft voice. I knew he told me his reasoning yesterday, but what if Kai was right? Maybe when Sam said Ben's easier he really meant that he won't get heartbroken this time. And I'd do everything in my power to not make that mistake again.

"Noah," he spoke in an equally soft voice but his was pleading, "Don't do this."

"Give me a better reason than 'he's easy' because we both know you don't want that. I know you, Sam, you like the fight otherwise you wouldn't have kissed me like that last night."

Sam scoffed, "I wouldn't say I like the fight," he muttered.

My hand went behind his ear to make sure he was looking at me while I confessed, "I don't just have feelings for you, Sam, I'm in love with you. And I can't stop loving you. I don't want to stop."

My heart was pounding out of my chest while Sam's eyes widened a tad and his mouth opened as if he was going to say something, but then he closed his mouth. I hated the wistful look in those green eyes of his that should never look sad, "I'm scared," he whispered.

"I know, and I'm sorry because that's my fault, but we-"

"We can't," he shook his head.

But that wasn't good enough. "Tell me you don't want me," I said, swiping my thumb softly over his cheek. "Tell me Ben makes you happier. Tell me you don't love me and I'll stay away," I promised.

Sam leaned into my hand, his eyes closed for a second before he pulled my hand off his face and met my gaze, "Ben didn't break my heart." I took a step back, my hand falling to my side. "I'm sorry," he apologized, his eyes then watering.

I just shook my head, "No reason to apologize, you're right. Have fun with Ben," I told him then walked out feeling like my heart was about decay.

Walking up to the booth, Kai was watching me expectingly and Kaitlyn had that damn grin on her face. I said firmly to Kaitlyn, "I'm leaving so either come with me, or get a ride from them," and her smile fell.

I felt like a fucking fool going after Sam in that bathroom. So fucking stupid to think he'd change his mind. How much more pathetic could I get?But I had to cool down because feeling stupid only made me angry with myself and I could feel my emotions getting out of hand if I didn't leave.

"What happened?" She asked but got up along with her gathering her garbage and mine.

"Nothing. I just..." I made eye contact with Sam when he stepped out of the bathroom. "Need to fucking leave," I muttered and walked out.

"And then Kaitlyn and I went back to my apartment," I explained the only eventful parts of my week to Dr. Zinko.

"Hm," was the sound my therapist made while he studied me.

I rolled my eyes, "What?" I questioned him with a bad attitude.

"What do you think I'm going to say?" He asked me. He was wearing the ugliest, puke green sweater vest. But I was in a bitter mood, so maybe it wasn't that ugly.

I leaned back against the couch, "Probably that I shouldn't have left like that, but how 'bout you try getting rejected after telling someone you're in love with them. Kind of a big 'Fuck You' to the face, don't you think? So excuse the fuck out of me for leaving." I took a deep breath, shifting in the couch, my leg bouncing up and down from how fucking mad I was getting. I scraped my fingernails against my thighs a few times before murmuring, "sorry."

"That's okay. If you're gonna express your anger somewhere, here's the perfect place, scream for all I care. I'm just glad you didn't storm out of here like our first few sessions. That's an improvement."

"Yeah, I guess," I sighed, feeling more at ease. "So what do I do now?"

Dr. Zinko chuckled, "I'm not going to tell you that one."

"Then what am I here for?" I questioned.

"I can give you advice. So if you want my advice, take this time for you. You've been doing so well working on your mental health, you sobriety, even your anger impulses- believe it or not. You did the hard part already; you expressed how you felt, you were vulnerable with Sam. That's tough to do for a lot of people. Ball's in Sam's court now and if it's meant to be, it's meant to be. If not," he shrugged, "Take this time to move on, move forward."

Dr. Zinko made me feel better about myself because I did think I was doing better, but to have someone notice it and acknowledge it as well felt good. It felt really good.

What didn't feel good? Moving on. "What if I can't move on?"

"It'll take time and maybe it won't seem possible for a while, but one day you're going to stop and realize Sam Moretti was just another part of your life. A distant memory and you'll find it doesn't hurt anymore."

I didn't say this to Dr. Zinko, but I knew then that Sam Moretti would never be a distant memory in my life.

**

Damn, Noah just keeps getting shit on.

Thank you for readinggg!! New chapter out soon <3

-Xoxo, Bert