Broken

Chapter 4

They were two strangers stuck in the dark together, Makenna thought, there was no room for judgement and no bumping into each other later because they didn't know what the other looked like. But then again, she didn't want to ruin her night.

"I don't want to kill my buzz,"

"Is it that depressing?" He asked and waited for her reply but got nothing but a light chuckle from her, "You don't sound drunk."

"I'm getting there." She lied and almost instantly regretted it and she did something she never did, she admitted it, "Actually, that's a lie."

"What is?"

"About getting there."

Atlas frowned, confused and waited for her to go on.

"I'm not planning on getting drunk." She said truthfully,

"You mean tonight?"

Makenna shook her head in the dark and realized that he couldn't see her,
"Tonight or any other night. Ever."

Something about the way she said it made him think of Emily because that was exactly the opposite of what Emily would have chosen.

"Why's that?" He wanted to know more,

Makenna inhaled softly and exhaled slowly,
"I'm afraid." It took a lot for her to admit that but there was always something that made you want to share your darkness with a stranger and in her case, a stranger she wouldn't meet again because they both didn't know what the other looked like.

"What are you afraid of?" He asked when she went quiet,

Makenna sighed in the darkness,
"Of losing myself and finding someone else, being someone else."

"And who's this 'someone else'?"

"Someone I no longer am."

Atlas let that sink in and he thought about it for a moment,
"Maybe you're just scared to find out that you don't have to find this other self."

Makenna turned her head in the direction of his voice, intrigued,
"What do you mean?"

"I mean that you're probably still this 'other self' and you're scared to let go of your control even just a little bit to discover that she'd been right there all along."

She didn't like where he was taking the conversation and she didn't want to go further down the rabbit hole.
"If you want to star-gaze, I can tell you this; that isn't the best place to star-gaze."

Atlas smiled at her lack of subtlety at changing the subject and he'd already figured out that the balcony wasn't the best place to star-gaze the second he stepped outside and looked up at the sky, tree branches sticking out here and there.
"How would you know? Thought it wasn't your thing."

Makenna smiled at his attempt at sounding American,
"It's not, not anymore."

Something about the way she said it made Atlas want to question her until she answered every single one of his questions. Something had changed her, made her an unbeliever in everything and he wanted to know her story. A part of him thought maybe if he heard someone else's messed-up story, he wouldn't feel so messed up about his own. His pain and grief were constantly seeking company even if he didn't want one.

And there they were, him looking for ways to escape his harsh reality and escape the world by looking up and searching for answers, peace, solitude, and there she was trying to escape the things he was searching for by looking down and staying grounded, getting swept up in the vanity of the world. Two souls, one darkness, dealing with loss in totally opposite ways.

"Why don't I believe that?"

Makenna turned her gaze in his direction, his silhouette outlined on the dancing curtains,
"I don't know, you tell me."

Atlas sighed in the midnight air,
"I would need to get to know you more to figure that out."

The thought of him getting to know her more made her heart skip a beat out of fear. Something about him made her feel as if he, out of everyone, could actually get past her dark hard exterior and deeper than she'd let anyone. It was probably the whole mysterious stranger in the dark situation that had her feeling that way and nothing more.

"I like your accent, by the way." She changed the topic without dwelling on what he'd said a second longer,

Atlas smiled,
"I like your accent."

"I don't have an accent."

Atlas snorted with the smile on his lips spreading across his face about to reach his eyes when he realized he'd smiled more tonight than he had in the past few months. His smile fell when images of the accident flashed in his mind. He gripped the railings tighter as he tried to prevent them from taking over and sending him into a panic.

Makenna looked around her for a moment, the darkness forgotten for a while and she thought it was best to make her escape before the lights came back on and the English boy here saw her and then all the mystery was lost. She liked that she'd had a nice conversation with someone that wasn't in her friend circle and she didn't want to ruin it by letting him see her and judge her by her appearance even if that's what she wanted everyone else to do.

"I'm going to head back down." Makenna turned in the dark and headed towards where she knew the door was, her voice breaking through the flashes and pulling him out of it.

Atlas looked up,
"Wait,"

Makenna stopped with her hand on the doorknob, waiting for him.

"Why'd stop star-gazing?"

It wasn't star-gazing she had a problem with. She just hadn't looked up in a long time, which she usually did when she was mostly praying or just having a conversation with God.

Makenna thought, just this one time, it wasn't like he was going to see her again,
"Everything I need and can control is down here," She turned the doorknob and pulled the door open, "Everything up there is unreliable."

And she was gone.

Again, with the control.
Atlas thought as he stood there on the balcony with even more unanswered questions and guesses as to why she'd become cold to all the beautiful things of the world that was either up there or came from there. Sunrise and sunset, rain, snow, the sun, the moon, the stars, rainbows and storms. It made him wonder if she could possibly be more damaged than he was. More broken.

When Makenna gotdownstairs, there were study lamps and phone flashlights turned out at almostevery corner of the room. She went back to the kitchen to grab another drinkand just as she dropped the tap on top of the keg, the lights came back on andthere was a loud and almost synced cheer which made her smile. The music cameback on and just like that, she slipped back into the crowd and to the personshe thought she truly was.

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Hey guys,

Just want to thank you guys that watched the video I added in the previous chapter.

I hope to make more Wattpad content for you guys over on YouTube. If you like, drop a comment here or on youtube on the type of content you'd like to see from me.

Thank you.

Love,
Jane Lanett. ❤️