Numb (Alliance Trilogy)

Attraction or Pity

Chapter Eleven

Max felt his stomach rumble with laugher while Jenny and he sat across from each other on her living room floor. Her childhood stories were more interesting than that of his growing up. It seemed that growing up with Gia and Frank had not been as bad as he had pictured. In her journal, Jenny had mentioned very little of her childhood. He wanted to confess the awful betrayal he had done, aside from all the other awful things he wished he could bury, this was one of them.

"Growing up with my two older brothers was not all that bad, it did come with its ups and downs." He confessed.

"What are their names?" Jenny asked.

"Walker and Hayden, Strange names I know." He chuckled.

"And why did they name you Max?" Jenny asked.

His eyes trailed to her long legs, they had begun to grow thinner he could tell, along with her face. For a moment he paused unable to answer, he questioned more himself as he locked gazes with Jenny. Why had he fallen for her so quickly? She was beautiful, no doubt. She has long straight brown hair that had natural high lights. Her eyes were almost honey with a straight nose that followed along a pair of wide and full lips.

"Max?" She asked.

He pulled out of his daze and blinked looking down to his hands. There was something drawing him to her, but what was it! She was attractive but the fact that she was paralyzed should have stopped him from taking his imagination farther. Yet the fact that she was handicapped didn't seem to bother him in the least.

He failed to see with his judgmental eyes what it was exactly. When he had met Izzy, he had clearly seen what a beauty she truly was, sophisticated, witty, smart, perfect athletic body, and a blast in the bedroom. Now he failed to find attraction in all of those things.

"Max?" Jenny asked again.

"I'm sorry," he muttered, as he looked down to his hands.

"Is there something wrong?"

He fell silent once again pressing his lips in and out of a thin line, clearly expressing his frustration. "I have a serious problem on my hands." He sighed.

"Is everything alright?"

"I...I think... that I might have f-feelings for another woman." He confessed.

Jenny went still as she lay casually on her side, propped up on one elbow. Her expression grew thoughtful as she looked down to the glossy wooden floor.

"Is she someone you've known longer that Izzy?" Jenny asked.

"No, I've recently met her."

"What is it about her that you seem to find attractive, is she a lot prettier than Izzy?" Jenny interrogated.

"This is going to sound really stupid, but I have no idea why I like her, clearly this woman would have been someone I would have walked by without a second glance because she has a defect. When I was younger, more rebellious, I judged women a lot on their looks, and believe me I was picky."

"And this woman...she's the opposite of that?"

"Exactly."

"Why are you telling me this Max?" Jenny asked. He grew quiet as he tried to settle his thoughts. Was he stepping over the line?

"I need advice, and well you're a woman."

"Do you want my honest opinion?"

"Yes, please.

"I think that after promising your life to the woman you are now engaged to is still in effect. As long as Izzy is alive and well, and not in a situation to leave you then by all means you should not break that promise to her. I think that out of all the women in the world you chose her to be your wife for a reason. Think very hard and find that reason, this other woman you are attracted to will only make you realize that you have lost something great. All men go through a moment in their lives when they begin to feel a sudden attraction to other women, and it makes them question their relationship. You are simply going through that, but do not forget the reason why you want to get married." She explained.

"I want to get married because I wanted to stop being the animal I was once, I want a good life, a wife, kids, a nice house and a steady job." He replied.

"Right, and you chose Izzy because for the first time in your life you realized that you could devote your entire time and life to only one woman." She said.

Max simply stared at Jenny and felt his heart accelerate even more; it was as if every word that spilled from her mouth bewitched him, lured him in a trap.

"I feel like I can trust you with anything." He whispered.

"Why? Don't we hate each other?" She chuckled.

"We did. At least I'd like to think we are past that." He responded.

She smiled a genuine smile and sighed as she rubbed her eyes and looked up at the clock.

"Christ! It's nearly midnight." She gasped.

"Jenny...I'm afraid, afraid of myself." Max quickly cut in. He hated that it was this late, the time had seemed to stop while he sat there with her.

Jenny bit her lip and reached out to touch his hand, in her eyes a clear expression of sympathy. "Why, and why do you call yourself an animal Max, what are you so afraid to tell Izzy?" She asked.

"I did awful things Jenny, nothing that could take me to jail but I...I'm not proud of the person I once was. I had a weakness for women, I couldn't just settle for one, I needed...I needed three or more at a time, sometimes." He confessed.

"And that's what makes you an awful person?" She asked.

"No, I've simply done so much that I don't know where to even start, I'm afraid that if I tell Izzy all of this she might leave. Where does that leave me, it makes me feel that the next woman I tell will simply walk away unable to bear the past I once had."

"Okay, tell you what, since I am not a woman you would ever go for, tell me Max, tell me everything. I promise I will not judge, but I will do what I can to help you, it's the least I can do after everything you did for me. I'll listen to you if that's what you have been wanting." She said. Her smile was an honest promise that melted his heart and made his eyes water. Fear entered him as he looked down to her hand resting on his. He had been well aware of how her thumb rubbed against it, how warm and inviting it felt, comforting to be exact. He feared that he was holding on by a threat, a threat that was slowly pulling apart. How had things changed so rapidly, how was it that he had reconsidered his engagement in a snap of a finger. What had been the reason why he was falling so hard for Jenny Grant?

"I'll be here tomorrow, I promise, Jenny I will." He repeated.

Her reply was a nod as he stood off the ground and aided her to pull into her chair.

"I wish we had more time, but night time has fallen and I know Izzy will be waiting for me. I'm sorry that I could not spend more time here." He whispered.

"Max, I should be the one to feel absolutely awful, please tell Izzy that I am deeply sorry, I did not mean to keep you."

Max smiled at that last sentence and squeezed her hand tight before he walked out the front door and into his car. He pulled away feeling tears spill as he drove all the way home. Wiping at his tears he clutched the steering wheel and looked at her house disappear in his rearview mirror. It hurt, no it stung to walk out of that house, the pain was simply unbearable. Max reached over for his phone on the passenger side and viewed all the messages that Izzy had left. Each one sounded angrier that the last, and it hurt him too, it hurt that he no longer loved Izzy, that he feared maybe he would have to break her heart.

Max had never expected for his life to take this drastic turn. He had always pictured himself living the life of a bachelor. The last thing he had ever expected was to fall so hard for a woman he could not clearly have.

***

She rested, closing her eyes to inhale the detergent she had bought a week ago from the grocery store. Max was falling for another woman, and inside Jenny felt something ache the more she thought about it. Sadness overcame her suddenly forming her lips into a frown as she thought about his girlfriend unaware of what was happening with him. Would she be able to tell that something in him had changed?

Jenny tossed and turned unable to let go of his confession, why was it keeping her up? What was it about his honesty that had stirred her inside?