Arken Needs

32

Arken's

I'm looking at Reihan's sleeping face. He look so comfortable and peaceful while his eyes is shut closed. My heart is breaking just thinking of what I'm about to do.

I am leaving him, I don't have any other choice, it's between our relationship or Reihan's future. Ayaw ko man na iwan si Reihan ay wala akong ibang magagawa, bukod sa ayaw kong masira ang kinabukasan niya ay ayaw ko rin na masira ang relasyon nilang dalawa ni mama Rein. They're the two person who made me like this today, silang dalawa ang dahilan kung bakit hindi ako naghirap sa buhay, mama Rein raised me well and Reihan also participated with that. I don't want to ruin them just because of my undying love for him.

Hinalikan ko sa noo si Reihan. Habang ginagawa iyon ay lalong sumisikip ang dibdib ko. Pinigilan kong maluha nang tumayo ako sa pagkakahiga sa tabi niya. I stood beside his bed for a minute just looking at him while my heart is hurting so much. Ilang beses akong nagdalawang isip na tumalikod at lumabas ng kwartong iyon para tuluyang iwan si Reihan pero sa huli ay wala akong nagawa kundi ang maglakad palabas habang bagsak ang mga balikat at tumutulo ang mga luha. My heart is clenching so much and it truly hurts. Kada hakbang ko ay dala ko ang bigat na parang pasan ko ang lahat ng problema sa buong mundo.

Pagkababa ko sa sala ay nakita ko si mama na kausap si Dad. They know my plan that's why they're waiting for me here. Mag aala-una na kaya tulog na si Reihan pero kaming tatlo ay gising pa rin para dito. I didn't look at any of them. Patuloy lang akong naglakad papunta sa pintuan habang lumuluha. Nang mabuksan ko ang pintuan ay saka lang ako tumigil. Kinalma ko ang sarili ko at inipon ko ang lahat ng lakas ko para makapagsalita.

"I will definitely come back and I will have Reihan wether you like it or not." Matigas kong sabi kay mama Rein. Hindi ko na siya hinintay na makapagsalita pa at tuluyan na akong lumabas ng pinto ng bahay na iyon. Sumakay ako sa kotse ni Dad at doon ko binuhos ang lahat ng kahinaan at hinagpis ko.

I was crying like a baby. I feel so hurt and I feel like shit for doing this. Why can't I do something? I only want to love Reihan and be with him, why does this have to happen? Bakit kailangan tumutol saamin ang tadhana at oras? Can't this just stop and can I just go back to the time where me and Reihan are happy and doesn't care about anything but the love that we have for each other? This is so painful. Iniisip ko pa lang ang mangyayari kapag gumising si Reihan at hindi niya na ako makita ay parang gusto ko na ulit lumabas sa kotseng ito at tumakbo papunta sa tabi niya. I don't want to leave him.

Kahit na pumasok na si Dad sa kotse ay hindi ko matigil ang pag-iyak ko. He didn't say anything but he also didn't start the car. Ilang minuto bago siya nagsalita.

"Arken, you love him that much?" Tanong niya na mas lalong nakapag paiyak saakin. I quickly nod at him.

"I love him so much, dad. I don't think I can do this, I just want to be with him, I know he'll be hurt if I really do this." Halos hindi ko na masabi nang maayos ang mga salitang iyon dahil patuloy ako sa pag hikbi na parang bata.

"Son, right now, the timing is not right for the two of you to be together, you have to think straight, I promise you, we'll come back and you will have him again, but not now." Umiling-iling ako sa sinabi niya. I don't care about the timing, all I want is to be with him. Hindi ba pwede yun?

"I promised him that I won't leave him." Halos hindi na ako makahinga habang sinasabi iyon. Ngayon lang ako umiyak nang ganito, ngayon lang ako naging ganito kahina at hindi ko gusto ang nararamdaman ko ngayon. I don't want to feel so helpless like this again, I want this to just stop.

"I'm sorry, but Rein already made a decision, it's between us leaving for Australia or them leaving to get away from us. We don't have any other choice, Arken. She'll do everything to separate the two of you. I'm really sorry, son." I know my father also feel so helpless by the situation and that made me cry more. I don't know what to do anymore.