Where Is The Edge

Chapter 14

One thing that had changed considerably, as well as everything that involved my relationship with Marcia, was the silence. Before, silence was the superior thing to saying more than a thousand words of love and appreciation, now it is so unbearable, yet it protects me from the pain that invades me every time that same woman opens her mouth, even if it is to say such simple words.

"All right, Travis, have a good day," I said goodbye to the oldest son, with a comforting smile that I knew wasn't enough to reassure the boys that everything was alright.

At first, Marcia guilt tripped me to at least pretend that "I wasn't fighting with her" so the kids wouldn't worry. I told her that she had ruined it long before.

Given that, it is easy to deduce that I kept my promise, at least on my part, to establish a strictly professional relationship between her and me. For nine days in a row she had been urging me to talk about this, the deep regret that seemed non-existent before was now hugely palpable even in the brief glances we exchanged. She would ask me every time we were alone, especially when she came home from work, and the first three days I would raise my voice to her, asking her to leave me alone, and the remaining days she would politely ask me, and a simple "no" would be enough for a defeated Marcia to go to her room.

The rest of the day was uneventful; I went out with Kyle to the playground and we made various figures in the sand spot that was always on the side of the playground, then I bought him some cotton candy that a kind man had in a cart and we returned home after feeding the birds and ducks with the pieces of bread we had brought.

When Marcia came to drop Travis off from school, she just gave him a quick kiss on his head and said goodbye to the three of us. I didn't respond, I didn't even look up from the book I was reading. And when she came home from work at eleven o'clock at night, as usual, she seized the moment.

"My love, do you want to talk today?" She inquired softly. It was her daily question, and no matter how many times I said no, she always held out hope.

"No," I replied simply, getting up from the couch to get the phone and call Stefan to pick me up.

It pained me to have to put the black-haired guy in this situation, to pick me up at this hour and sometimes later, and drop me off at my apartment. He still lived with his parents and they always lent him the car when they didn't need it, and he swears he's usually awake in the wee hours of the morning, but I didn't believe him. I had no choice, I didn't have a car of my own, and the bus had long since made its last run.

"Whenever you leave, I'm always afraid that something will happen to you. Stefan is young and so are you, the fact that you're both outside seems inconvenient to me," she confessed.

"Well, you're too tired and I know that the day you get angry again over something that has nothing to do with me, you'll throw it in my face," I blurted out, and she sighed, it was one of those disappointed sighs.

"I said I'm sorry, (Y/N)! Maybe you have bad experiences when it comes to apologies but when I apologize, I really mean it!" She exclaimed in despair, "if I apologize it's because I won't do it again."

I ignored her words, and picked up the phone, asking Stefan to please pick me up.

I believed her, I really did, and maybe my anger towards her wasn't one hundred percent at her, but at past experiences that had left an indelible mark on my heart. That's why I found it hard to forgive her, because I know from experience that saying "I won't do it again" is very easy when someone is calm and peaceful, and as soon as that goes away, it's very easy to go back to the same thing.

It's fine, even if the pain makes me disappear. It's fine, because I am my own salvation.

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