Where Is The Edge

Chapter 17

All right, Peter, I guess you did it. You not only screwed me in life, you screwed me in death.

I hope you're in a horrible place, I hope you're tormenting yourself on another plane of existence or have been reincarnated as a worm, although that would be much more than you deserve.

I know you are smiling at me, victorious, because I lost everything because of you. And yes, even though I made the decision to kill you, I blame you. Look what you made me do.

The remorse was becoming more and more unbearable, and it increased yesterday as soon as we returned home. Throughout the evening, I would catch glimpses of her gaze that always held high regard, and as I turned to look at her, she would smile in a way that conveyed to me in another way how much she loved me.

I constantly wondered how such a renowned lawyer, famous for her efficiency, would love someone she met working in a pharmacy and living in a halfway decent flat.

I knew that it mattered very little where I worked or my economic status, both of which are factors that should not and cannot prevent someone from loving another being, however, I am talking about experience and overcoming in between. There was a big age difference between us, she was very mature and we clearly reacted differently to certain situations.

Everything that could be considered an impediment to us having a relationship was of very little importance to her, let alone a relationship as beautiful as the one that was blossoming. Marcia was opening the doors of her life to me and I had to do the same, starting by confessing to her that I killed Peter Westerholt.

"My love, you've barely touched your food, and you've been zoning out since yesterday," the older woman commented, placing her hand on my back, rubbing that area in an attempt to comfort me. "Are you sick? Did someone say something yesterday that upset you?"

"Do you love me?" I asked her, being absolutely certain of the answer. She repeated it to me at least twenty times a day, but I needed to hear it again an impulse to tell her.

"I love you! I love you with everything I am and everything I have!" She confirmed, and proceeded to kiss my lips, to which I vaguely reciprocated.

"And you would love me no matter what?" I questioned again. Her eyes were beginning to turn troubled, and perhaps she suspected what I was about to blurt out to her; there was something else in her eyes, a hint of hope that it wasn't what she believed.

"Sure," she confirmed. It didn't sound genuine, it sounded more like something she knew she had to tell me to reassure me.

"I... I did something. I must confess, despite everything it brought up, I'm not sorry. The only thing that's torturing me is continuing to hide it."

She sighed extensively, "you killed him, didn't you?"

If the answer was no, I would obviously flatly deny it. However, my silence was answer enough.

"I hope you understand that I had no intention of hiding it because I didn't trust you, but because I didn't have the heart to tell you," I didn't even want to see her. Not only because of the shame I felt, but because her expression was definitely going to confirm to me how much I had broken her.

Marcia stood up from where we were sitting, her eyes of concern had turned to something more akin to infinite disappointment. I knew that look well, I had seen it in my mom's eyes several times and now I saw it in her, that was even more painful.

I noticed how her breathing seemed to quicken and she paced back and forth, touching her forehead gently and shaking her head in denial. Probably in her head was the thought of having fallen in love with someone who committed the worst of sins.