Where Is The Edge

Epilogue

November, 1997

Dear Marcia,

I hope this letter finds you well.

Time flies by, doesn't it? Hopefully it has not been so fast that hearing from me again will bring you feelings of resentment, and instead, it is now indifference to another person who went through your life, so I will not have the power to bring you pain that, believe it or not, I did not intend to make you feel. Therefore, I repeat, I hope this letter finds you well.

I have heard a lot from you about the book you are about to release regarding the O.J. Simpson case. I well remember reading and watching excerpts from that case when I had just met you. All that you must have suffered when all eyes were on you. It was a very dark phase of your life from which you struggled to emerge, but finally, you did the Marcia Clark thing: you took advantage of it, reinvented yourself and rose from the ashes. You may not have won the case, but your determination has inspired millions of people, the right people. And you will do so even more through your upcoming book.

You inspire me every day, for I had the privilege of observing how some days, you would sit outside smoking as your way to relax, and that way, find yourself in a better state to spend time with the kids. Despite wanting to go to sleep, you would help Travis with his homework or watch Kyle's favorite cartoon with him. There wasn't a single night that you went to bed without asking me how my day was, and even though I asked you the same, there were many things you held back... still, it was an honor to feel like everything was getting better for you when I laid on your chest. You got up every day, to do your best in both your personal and work worlds.

Maybe I never formally said it and maybe I'm being reckless in mentioning it, but I'm sorry. I really am sorry. There isn't a single day that goes by that I don't imagine what would've been, could've been and should've been if only such a simple sentence had come out of my mouth at the appropriate time. And the fact that you are reading this, I appreciate it, because it is more than I deserve. I will not justify myself anymore, and I will not justify others, for I have been doing so for a lifetime. So, once again, I am sorry.

I am at a point in my life where I look back, and I realize that I do not recognize myself. Not in a bad way at all! But in that sense of having grown so much personally, and being able to say that I learned... maybe the hard way, but I did. I try to always have a goal in mind, not just a path without direction.

I contacted Phyllis Bowery in May, and about six weeks later I met my half-sister. Now, the three of us are a little family. And if you count our cat named Binx (yes, like the movie "Hocus Pocus") then there are four of us.

I have an evening job that I really enjoy, most of my income is directed to a start-up business to which I devote most of my day. Phyllis insisted on paying for it, but I wouldn't let her. In the end, she was kind enough to open the doors of her home to me, so the pains of paying rent or food are a thing of the past. Not to mention, as much as I appreciate her good intentions, this is something I wanted to do on my own.

I was able to realize that, going to college was perfect, but it was also perfect to not go. It's okay to want to step outside the norms a little bit and do it YOUR way. And I've found my calling. Soon enough, this business will become my first income and later on, it will become my only income, I will be able to have employees who will make my dream a precious unit and most importantly, I will look at my current self who is writing this letter the same way I am looking at my self who worked in a pharmacy. I can say with all certainty that the process brings me enormous joy.

But most important of all... how are you? I hope to hear from you very soon.

Love, (Y/N).

This letter, which I wrote in August, was sent but never answered.