Where Is The Edge

Chapter 15

(TW: Mention of self-harm)

December had arrived in the blink of an eye, proving once again that time was relative. It was amazing how much more enjoyable the days and life in general were when one had a clear conscience, and more than happiness, there was fulfilment.

Happiness was a kind of fantasy that was not always attainable or measurable. Happiness represents the absence of negative emotions, whereas fulfilment recognizes the existence of negative emotions and how they do not obstruct the stage of greater transcendence. Fulfillment was what I was looking for and fulfillment was what Marcia gave me from day one by standing by my side in the midst of misfortune.

It was December 17th, two days to the one year anniversary of Peter Westerholt's death. But it is funny how some things can change in a day, or even in an hour. And these changes mean that in a year's time, looking back, I realize that I don't recognize my self from back then at all.

This day, at this time, I was in a somewhat crowded restaurant celebrating Stefan's birthday. We had such a good time that I forgot what I had planned to do in two days, until, after reaching a very high serotonin peak, everything went into a tailspin and I didn't sleep after the tall guy had dropped me off at my flat.

And I was surrounded by so much love that it was inevitable to feel blissful. Love could be breathed in the air and felt in the atmosphere, it could be noticed even in the smallest gesture like feeling the older woman's heart racing when I lay on her chest, the smiles we exchanged in the middle of our conversations in the mornings, not to mention those kisses that were never enough.

"... thank you very much, my dear friend, do I count on your presence tonight at nine o'clock?" Stefan said, after I had bombarded him with words of appreciation for his birthday.

"Of course you can! You know I would never miss the opportunity. You're my best friend, like my brother, my soulmate..."

"Ugh, you know it doesn't have to be my birthday for you to repeat that to me," he remarked.

"Your birthday and mine are the only days where we can afford to be cheesy."

"And the bad times too," he reminded, perhaps hinting at all those times when we were there for each other. It hadn't been that long ago when he'd arranged to pick me up in the wee hours of the morning when my now girlfriend and I were fighting. "Do you need me to pick you up? Or are you coming in Marcia's car?"

"No, thanks. Marcia said she'd be dropping me off, because she also wants to stop by to wish you a happy birthday," just mentioning her name made my face light up and I didn't need to look in the mirror for that.

"Why don't you guys make it official already?!" He exclaimed, making his desperation palpable.

"We already made it official," I clarified.

"WHAT?" He yelled.

"When the case settled, she asked me to make it official. Even her children know about it," I told him, and he let out a high-pitched squeal.

"Hell, I need you to tell me everything today."

"Count on it."

***

We arrived at the bowling alley where Stefan was already waiting at the door, in his always elegant attire that didn't fail in any detail. When he saw us, he grinned from ear to ear, walking towards us.