Tortured Awakening (Book #1)

Chapter Thirty- Six

 "Can we please think this through?" Florence asked, rolling her eyes.

"Killian's desire for her can be used to our advantage" Archibald said, trying to reason with her.

I sighed and sunk deeper into the chair.

Samuel looked at me, noticing my new actions.

Florence stood and walked over to my wardrobe. "We are not sending Cordelia out to engage in sexual acts, just in hopes that Killian will weaken, leaving our little investigation safe"

"Our investigation is to keep Cordelia safe, not us" Samuel said, trying to argue both his and Archibald's side.

"If Cordelia happens upon Killian, while he is in one of his moods, guilt will consume me, if he just so happens to take his frustrations out in another way" Florence said, flipping her hair.

I wish that one of them would ask how I felt about it, instead of gaining the others approval.

"Besides, she doesn't even appear the way one should, when trying to invoke lustful thoughts" she said, looking at my appearance.

"Well you can do something about that" Archibald said, knowing that she could never resist the opportunity to play dress-up with me.

Florence glared at him. "How dare you dangle that in front of me, when you know I enjoy that act"

Archibald held his hands up in defense. "I am just saying that you could make Kilian's bad mood go away, with the right appearance.

I was no doll and I had no intention to play the role of one.

I ran my hand through my hair, growing annoyed as the argument only continued.

Once again Samuel noticed my discomfort and shot me a look of concern.

After Killian and Florence's little fight, I was not sure if I could even be in the same room with him.

However, I kept thinking about the way Killian looked at me, before he exited the bedroom.

It was rare to see him show concern in such a way.

I believe he has only looked at me like that two other times and both of those times were special and had places within my heart.

Although, they did not make up for every other horrible thing he has done to me or near me.

I sighed and looked at the ground, growing tired of their silly argument.

Everything was just too complicated at this point.

Perhaps one person had more than two faces, instead of what Luther said.

I had one for me.

One for Florence, Archibald and Samuel.

And now, one for Killian.

Maybe Luther had more than two as well.

It was strange how during their argument, all I could think about was Luther and how he may be up to something.

It was odd for me to be so convinced of something, without any proof, but it's the way he spoke of certain things.

The way he spoke stayed with me and it was all I could think about.

It was all too frustrating.

"Cordelia" Samuel called.

My attention was brought back to these three and I stared at them.

"Yes?" I asked.

"What do you think?" Archibald asked.

"About?" I asked, unsure of how long my stray thoughts had made me drift away.

"You going to see Killian" Samuel said.

I sighed "I'm not entirely sure. On one side, I agree with you two, but on the other-"

"You agree with me?" Florence asked.

"Not exactly" I muttered.

Florence looked at me, confused. "What entirely do you mean?"

"Well, you see, you have been going on about how you don't want me going to see him in such a way, because you do not want me to lose myself in the process" I said, knowing her concern was quite big surrounding this matter.

She nodded "Is that a problem?"

"Well, Florence, you do not seem to realize that I have already lost myself" I said, looking at her.

She looked down, knowing what I was talking about.

I looked over at the mirror "I do not even recognize myself anymore. I haven't for some time now.

"We know that this has something to do with how Killian has hurt you" Archibald.

I looked away, once hearing his words.

"You deserve to get away from Killian's constant control over you" He continued.

I sighed "It's strange, this whole thing. You're basically asking me to seduce Killian, when I do not know the first thing about any of that"

"We can help you" Samuel said, jumping to help.

"That is one thing I do not wish to receive help on" I said, feeling embarrassment take over.

Florence nodded "We seem to forget at times that you are human and in this period, you grew up a certain way. As did we, but our many years of living like this has opened our minds up"

"At least someone understands the predicament" I said, looking down.

Archibald gave me a look "You haven't said no though"

I nodded "I am well aware of that fact"

"She hasn't said yes, either" Florence said, giving Archibald a look.

"I think I did" I muttered.

"When?" Florence asked, shocked.

I looked up at her "When the discussion began. Sadly, I do not have a problem with going through with these actions you've requested from me, because I just have no care on the matter of getting hurt this way. I promised myself that if I am to die soon, like we believe, I refuse to go down without a fight and if my fight is taking control of Killian in a way, then so be it. We do not get to choose our battles, right?"

No one said a word, but they all nodded in agreement.

"See, so why should my fight be about morals and what not? I believe they all vanished when I was trapped here at the start" I continued.

Florence walked towards me "You're going through with it then?"

I gave a small nod "Yes, yes, I am"

"But why?" She asked, upset.

"Why not? I might as well experience everything that I can, right?" I said, knowing that things may change after certain things are done with, but at this point anything seemed necessary.

Florence shook her head "Cordelia, you do not need to do this"

"I know" I said, agreeing with her.

"Then please, do not do this" she said, looking at me worried.

I took a deep breath "It has already been decided" I stood and walked over to the wardrobe "Please help me, to the best of your ability"

She slowly nodded "Anything to help you"

I looked through the dresses, trying to ignore the panicked feeling that flooded my heart.

I know that I did not need to do this.

However, in a way, I did need to do this.