haunted by the past

2. the one with the proposal

"What is it dear?" My mum asked looking at me a little weird and worried. To her defence I probably did look like I had just seen a ghost before spitting a mouthful of water on the table. 

"Nothing, I'm good, but if you'll excuse me, I'm gonna go to the lady's room" I said and without waiting and answer I rushed off the table towards the toilet where I picked up my phone once again.

"What the hell are you talking about?"

"I'm surprised Charles hasn't spilled it already"

"Spilled what, come on Pierre you started this!!!" I groaned out loud to his ignorance. It had been like this if not even worse for the past, I didn't even know how many years now. It was frustrating, I had gone through a lot and Pierre going from a friend to an enemy didn't help the worries that had been piling up on my side of the game. 

"Yeah, but maybe I just listen to you and leave you alone, that's what you want right?"

I sighed big time. I wanted to throw the phone on the wall, but I needed to know.

"Come on asshole" 

"Ouch princess"

"Dick"

"Sorry can't send you one, I'm at dinner with my family ;)"

"Eww and it's my family, not yours"

I shut the phone ignoring the peeps and buzzes while I rolled down to the floor leaning my back on the bathroom wall. I couldn't get married. Everyone knew that, except no one did. I just couldn't do it to him nor to myself. I was young and heartbroken and sick and the list went on. 

I loved Andre, but I wasn't going to marry him, at least yet. 

"Liz, you in there?" I heard a voice outside the bathroom door. I walked to the door and opened it meeting a bit concerned Lorenzo.

"Hey Enzo" I smiled innocently.

"You okay? You've been here quite some time, our food came" He asked giving me the same look mom had given me when I left the table - little concerned, but most of all confused. 

"Yeah, I'm okay, just had to pee" I lied slowly and not convincing at all.

"Right" the expression was turning now more amused than anything. "Let's just get back, it's gonna be a big night" he smiled winking at me and I stopped on my tracks. Oh shit. He was going to propose me, Andre was going to ask me to marry him. My heart felt like it would pump it's way straight out of my chest. I didn't want him to ask me to marry him, because I already knew that it wasn't going to happen. I needed more time and I needed to heal first. 

"What is it, Liz?" Lorenzo looked at me and my terrified face more serious now.

"Nothing let's just get back to the table" I sighed, putting up my usual fake happy face and walked back to the table sitting down next to my boyfriend. I gave him a small smile but couldn't help but turn my face away from him real quick. This was why proposals are done in secret.

I turned my gaze over the table seeing little too happy looking Pierre talking to my brothers. I hated him; this was all his fault. I could've just had a nice little family dinner tonight, but no. Before I had time to turn my eyes away from him he caught me and flashed me a big not so innocent smile. After seeing my stressed expression there was a moment of doubt before he put up the smile again and for a moment it had felt like when he had actually cared about me. 

Deep breathes.

I decided that it would be best for me just to focus on my salad and not the douche across from me or not even the loving boyfriend of mine next to me. I was just going to eat this salad piece by piece and to my surprise next thing I knew, we were already leaving the restaurant without any proposals. I was relieved. I mean I loved the man, but I was only 21 and I wasn't planning on get married just yet, I wanted to graduate and get a job and after that think all those things. Also I was still too much of a mess to consider dragging someone with me in that level.