haunted by the past

43. the one deep in thought

Somehow, I had ended up saying yes almost straight away when Pierre had asked me to come with him to Milan, to his home. I wasn't sure what had taken over but the thought of spending more time with him made me equally excited and scared - this was my chance to figure out my feelings and even more what I was going to do.

When I had been with Andre, when I had met him and started dating him, I hadn't thought any of these things. It hadn't been scary or felt like I was letting Jules down or cheating him in anyway. But with Pierre, it all felt more permanent. If I was going to let go and surrender to my feeling there was no coming back, it was going to be the end game for me and that was what made it all so different. With Andre unconsciously I had always known it wasn't going to last and that it was a great distraction away from Jules and everything that had followed.

But Pierre, my Paris, it had never been casual or transient with us. No matter how we tried there was no way we wouldn't care for each other. It had been like that when we had been kids. We were messing around but we were always looking after one another. It got more serious as we grew up. Even though we lived in the different countries I spent a lot of time with his family meaning we spent a lot of time together. There was no denying that he had taken a different kind of liking on me than any other member of my family. What he and Charles had was amazing friendship, but what us had was hard to describe in words.

Jules. I used to call him the love of my life but now I wasn't sure anymore. I mean I loved him, so much, but the whole thing had started, as much as it pained to admit, as a revenge for Pierre leaving me like that. And when I say leaving, I don't mean anything romantic in any way, but he dumbed his best friend. And it had hurt like a bitch. I had counted on him, he was the one person that knew me better than anyone back then and probably today too, so it had been a bunch in the gut back then.

Anyways, now the things were good. I had gotten over the abandoning thing long time ago and he gained my trust back more day by day. He had been good to me, he had been a lot more than good to me actually, he had been stupidly amazing and supportive and a great friend hence why I was now on the way to Milan with him.

Telling my family that I was leaving had been a treat. Arthur had given me a curios and knowing look, my mum had been a little surprised as she didn't really even know that I was in good terms not to even mention this good terms with Pierre again. And then there had been Charles who had been surprisingly calm but tried to talk me out of it until the moment I walked out of the door.

Earlier today:

"What?" I looked at Pierre. He had just asked me to go to Milan with him, to spend time with him, to go his home with him. I wasn't sure what he had meant with a trip to Milan. Was it like really stay with him for a while or more like spending a day with him and keeping him company on his way back. Either way I was a little taken aback by the question.

"You heard me" he grinned seeming to love the impact he had had on me and the shocked expression on my face.

"I thought you had some places to be" I pointed out referring to the conversation before and Charles' note on how he was in a hurry.

"I lied, well basically, I have few meetings and I have to visit Faenza before Silverstone next weekend, but you could come with me" he explained, and I raised my brows. He was planning on me to stay the whole week with him, well half of it since we would have to fly to London in some point before the weekend. "Come on it'll be like old times, and Yuki will be there too" he smiled me knowing that I couldn't really say no to him.

"But I'm supposed to fly to London with my brothers and I haven't packed or anything" I stuttered trying to be reasonable and hold back my excitement morphed with fear.