haunted by the past

45. the one with the dinner gone bad

"Oh shit" had been the first thing that had fallen from my lips after the kiss in Pierre's apartment. It had been pretty accurate representation of what was going through my mind. Firstly, oh shit he kissed me and quickly after oh shit I'm going to be dead. 

Somehow, I had managed not to freak out too badly and somehow, I had gotten all the way to the British Grand Prix without completely messing up the whole friendship thing which I was very much questioning by now. It was clear that neither of us was in this just for the friendship. I knew I was in love with him, and it looked a lot like that I wasn't the only one.

Pierre had been chilled. A little too chilled after the kiss. He acted like it had been no big deal while I was completely losing my mind overthinking it. Then again, I had not given him a chance to say anything before my mouth had let out the words I regretted -." we can't". I had told him that straight away, but I had made a promise to Charles and as much as I hated it before I could make him change his mind there was nothing happening between me and Pierre. I just feared that it was never going to happen.

It was bothering me more than I liked to and I was afraid that at some point I wouldn't be able to take it anymore. I knew that Pierre had noticed my uneasiness and so was Arthur. Neither of them had said anything though.

It didn't help that I had promised to go out to dinner with all the parties involved from Pierre to Charles to even some other friends of theirs. The thought of a social gathering was enough by itself but knowing that I was going to have to try to keep cool while Charles would be watching my every move and Pierre probably just by being catching my attention.

"Are you done dreaming?" An Australian accent stopped my worrying and my eyes snapped to Daniel with whom I was driving towards the restaurant. It had been an eventful day and I was just happy that Zhou and everyone else was okay after the race start earlier today.

I relaxed a bit when Daniel listed the people coming to the dinner. I was familiar with most of them and with Danny and Carlos there I should be okay. Lando was still a bit unfamiliar territory for me, and the word was that he was bringing his girlfriend which made me feel a little bit better until I started to wonder if she was going to be nice or not.

"Seriously baby Leclerc, you can sit between me and your brother and I can be the only person you have to talk to during the whole evening" he assured and I nodded slowly.

"I'll be fine, I've been doing better with these things" I admitted to him and myself. I tried to remind myself that the wedding had been a lot of fun up til a certain point. I had made small talk and had fun, so I could do that again. I was done with all the drama and ready to just enjoy my life. I think I was finally starting to realize that it did not make me a bad person if I lived my life.

"Yeah, so stop being such a party pooper and smile a little" Danny fired back turning the car to the parking lot of a small fancy restaurant. I was wearing a blue floral summer dress that fell just over my knees. It wasn't anything fancy but I thought it was cute.

My heart was beating a little faster as we stepped inside the restaurant. I hadn't seen Pierre almost at all the whole weekend and was dreading seeing him again. Not like he had done anything bad, I just couldn't shake the memory of his lips on mine and it was driving me crazy and I didn't need any of that crazy tonight.

That was until my eyes locked with blue ones and I almost stopped in my tracks which made Danny stumble on me. The daze was quickly lived, and my legs started working again. I spotted Carlos sitting next to my brother and Lando and made my way to him. He had picked his first Grand Prix victory today and I hadn't had a chance to properly say congrats yet.

"Hey Lizzie" he said smiling standing up as I closed on him. I was pulled into a tight hug and I let out a small laugh. Carlos had really turned into an ally during the season and made it a lot easier to be around the paddock as I tried to be there more for my brother and everyone else. I still spent a lot of time in the grandstands and Charles always made sure that I had a ticket there too if I was feeling too uncomfortable but more and more, I found myself wandering around the paddock talking to the people I knew and I had to say it felt good.