haunted by the past

30. the one with the aftermath

I slowly opened my eyes which felt like years later and still felt the familiar fingers in my hair. I jolted up once I realized that I actually felt the fingers still in my hair and that I was still curled up against Pierre Gasly who was the last person I should feel this comfortable with right now.

"Hey woah, easy" was all that Pierre had time to say before I stood up which was a mistake as I felt everything go black in my eyes for a sec and with lighting speed he was there holding me up. "Are you okay?" he quickly asked and I could hear the worry in his voice.

"Yeah, I'm fine" I told him. "Just got up too fast" I finally was able to stand on my own and took a two steps back from the French.

"What happened?" I asked not really sure how we had ended up here. The past I don't know how long was a little blurry in my head.

"You had a panic attack" I knew that. I had meant more how I had ended up clinching into his shirt while he held me close to him.

"Yeah... "I let out a shaky breath. "What time is it?" I suddenly realized to ask. I had no idea of the time, but it had felt like I had slept a long time by the way my head was pounding that after nap kind of way.

"Little past two" Pierre told me and my eyes shot up to his.

"Aren't you supposed to be driving like, I don't know, right now?" A panic flashed through me. It was two a clock. It had been like nine when I had last checked and there was no way Pierre would've been able to be there leave and then come back to the exact same position.

"Yeah" he said quietly, and my mouth dropped open with my hands shooting up. "But" he rushed to say before I could freak out. "Someone needed to stay here with you, and we can both agree that it's more important to get Charles out there than me" he made a point, but it wasn't good enough for me.

"I was asleep" I almost yelled in frustration. "What on earth you think could've happened to me? And isn't' Arthur or anyone who's not needed in the car around?" I shot back feeling a different kind of panic growing inside of me. He couldn't skip a session for me.

"I don't know" he shrugged like it was no big deal and I let out a groan burying my head to my hands.

"No, no, no" I pointed o finger on him. "Why'd you do that?" I cried out.

"You know why" he said slowly, and I took in a deep breath tilting my head back. The look in his eyes was telling me enough and I couldn't do that.

"Pierre, you can't do things like this. You can't neglect your job because of me" I pleaded. I needed him to agree with me. I couldn't have him going around making sacrifices like this for me. We were friends. And yeah, friends could do things like that to each other, but this hadn't been like that, and we both knew it.

"Look it was no big deal" he tried to convince me, but I didn't believe him for a second.

"How did your boss take it? You literally sleeping instead of doing your job" I insisted to know. I needed him to see how messed up this was.

"It's fine, look it's done and if it was up to me, I'd do that thousand times again" he told me looking straight into my soul while taking few quick steps towards me so he was now hovering straight above me with his hands locked into my arms.

"I- "I couldn't really find words.

"Yeah?" he looked down into my eyes and I wasn't sure if I wanted to kiss or hit him right this moment.

"Don't do this to me" I said but it came out more of a whisper and I could see pain flash through his eyes. "I can't, and you know it" I told pulling the front of his shirt into my first begging him to free me from my misery.