Ecstasy of Love

Chapter 47: The first step

I come down from my high to feel his hot breath fall on my lips, coming out in pants. They're shallow and quick, much like his thrusts.

He's then kissing me again, this time faster, more frantically. Like he needs to latch onto me because I'm his sustenance. Needs to lick, sweep and taste my mouth like his life depends on it. I do the same to him; I suck his tongue inside my mouth and lick the roof of his. It makes him go wild.

His teeth nip at the seam of my lips, and I moan. I feel myself turning into mush in his hold again. All I can feel is his sculpted chest, his ridged body...all him. Arching my back, I push my breasts against him.

Then a low groan comes from deep in his chest. And he shatters in my arms. He tries to stifle the sound of his grunts before they escape his lips, but I feel them. I can feel the rumble of his groans through his chest, rumbling right against mine.

I feel so full of him. Feel the way his whole body crowds mine, and I close my eyes, savoring the feeling as long as he'll let me.

Because I'm not a fool. I know it'll fleet away just as quick as Hero appeared at my doorway. And most probably, I'm a fool indeed for letting him barge into my life again like that, even knowing that I'd lose him. It'll probably hurt worse to watch him walk away a second time.

But then, it will never matter what happened between us or what happens in the future, I think I still wouldn't ever be able to say no to his warmth. It'll always be my downfall.

How could it not when my heart keeps holding onto him this ferociously? Even when he can't bear looking at me.

I love him. That statement prevails to be as undeniably true as the day I came into realization. And he said he loved me. Sure, he didn't mean to say it out loud. But he did. And what if his statement continues to be as true as the first day?

Even as I try to maintain cold hearted about him, my stupid little heart can't help itself to soar at the possibly that after everything I did, he may still love me. That we still have a chance to fix us.

But then, he lifts the weight of his body off mine, and I brace myself for the loss. He pulls himself out and I immediately feel empty.

It doesn't matter that he made me come just a minute ago. My body craves for more of him. Needs him.

I'm hesitant to talk, to move. I don't know how to act now. It's strange to think about the last time we had sex on this same couch. Afterwards we couldn't stop unglue ourselves from each other. He couldn't stop himself from peppering kisses all over my neck, collarbones and down the valley of my breasts. He had me giggling so hard; I think he somehow knew that was the time I had laughed the hardest.

Today, it seems like he couldn't get away from me any faster. I watch his reddened lips, as he stands up and picks up his clothes littered on the floor to put them on just as quickly, then takes a seat on the rug a few feet away from my still very naked body. But I guess it's something that he's still on the same room as me.

It sickens me how trapped inside my thoughts I'm right now. Hero can probably tell as he usually does. By the look he's giving me, I'd say he knows.

And now that he's here again, it's like hope has been rekindled inside me. I want to do whatever it'll take to make him stay longer here, with me.

Answering his questions, haunting him with even more unresolvable questions. You name it, I'll do it. So he realizes that our love is still right. It has to be.

Because yes, I lied. Yes, I did everything wrong with him. But after all is said and done, I'm still his liar. His goddamn idiot.

He cannot make this godforsaken mess out of me and not have me later. I won't let him.