Ecstasy of Love

Chapter 1: Eleutheromania

Josephine POV

Racing.

That's what I'm always doing.

Racing past my competitors.

Racing past my problems, my reality, and all of the emptiness that nibbles at it.

Racing past anything wanting to crawl under my skin and try bringing me down.

To exhaust me, physically and mentally so, I don't ponder and crumble, again.

I race so fast as if death itself was chasing me behind. Because two years ago, I was forced into a test, or at least it felt like it. And the memory keeps on haunting me because I failed.

Never again, I promised myself.

Since then, racing has become much more than my liberating escape. It's become an obsession to chase for perfection. To be the best one at it.

Since then, I haven't stopped, sometimes I even race twice a day.

My car slices through the still air before the sun is even out, just as fleeting as the ping of loneliness comes to me. And I come to a stop as my crowding thoughts become too much to handle.

I've been here for almost two hours so I guess it's no surprise I need something else to distract my mind from the tormenting tendency it daily casts on me.

In moments like this, only silence surrounds me. The most loaded sound in human history, and one I've learned to really appreciate along with my loneliness. The only audible sounds are my accelerated heartbeats and the low wind that accompanies the sunlight cracking the sky at dawn.

Once again, I'm pulled out of my thoughts by the beauty in the LA sunrise. The dark sky begins to lighten as beautifully painted swirls of orange and muted blues appear across it.

There is something in the view, the sight of the grandeur of the universe that makes everything else in my life feel not so awful. It gives me hope that there's something else in life for me, something big and maybe even meaningful. A wave of peace crashes over me as I let myself believe it, even as a very far away future.

I repeat the thought in my head like a mantra.

There's something big and meaningful just for me.

There's something big and meaningful just for me.

The thought gives me what I needed to bring my heartbeat to its normal rate again, and the adrenaline to stop pumping through my veins.

I know exactly at what time of the day the sky is most mesmerizing since I've been coming here, to my quiet place, every time I need to escape from reality. It is a deserted area where I can drive as fast as I can, without anybody disturbing me. I love how silent and refreshing it is in here.

Every time I want to go 150 mph without a care for the world, this is the perfect spot for it. Here is where all the pressure on my shoulders disappears, where there are no one's expectations to put up with, especially not my parents. And where I let the high of driving so fucking fast take over me.

And let me tell you, this high is like no other, it is liberating and empowering, all at the same time. Nobody can tell me to slow down or to stop. Here, I am the only one who takes decisions. And the best part of all: Nobody ever can take this away from me.

When I feel like it's time to face reality again, I start what technically is my car. I may not be entirely proud of how I acquired it, but at least elated I accomplished my mission. The irony isn't lost in me though, I was venturesome enough to steal a car, but not to lose my virginity.