The Wrong Woman

28. Mouna

Did that just happen to me? I thought, staring at my reflection. Technically it wasn't me. It was Rani's body. It shouldn't matter.

But...my face crumpled at the image of Dhruv looking at me naked. I covered my face with my hands and squealed into them. I could feel my cheeks burning despite having run my whole body under ice-cold water. That was the most embarrassing thing I had ever been through in my twenty-three years of existence.

Stop being so silly, I told myself. This wasn't my body to be worried about! That would have been a lot worse. Since I was in Rani's body, though, everything that happened, everything that I saw felt a lot like it was happening to me. I tried convincing myself, repeating these words like a prayer.

I pulled down the hem of the baby pink pyjama shorts that was riding too high to be comfortable.

How was I going to face him now?! What would he say or think? Was this normal? He did mention it was normal. "Of course it was," I mumbled as I hesitated out the bathroom door. "We are married. Husband and wife. This is very normal." I think. I didn't know. I wouldn't know. The very last thing on my mind before any of this was men and marriage.

Except for maybe Dr Arshan who was the only man that was not related to me that could count. Not romantically, of course. That would be weird. For him. I shook my head, the damp tendrils wrapping themselves around my neck and cheek before I flicked them away. I shivered, and I could see that the thin pink satin blouse did nothing to hide the goosebumps appearing on my bare arms. Being dressed like this made me feel naked.

He's already seen you naked, that irritating voice said to me and I squealed aloud and shook my head back and forth with a force that I never knew I had before. No, I had to stop thinking about that. That image needed to be put in the mind bin before I burned myself with just the image. I had to think of something else.

My body. Or Rani's body flattered every outfit in her closet. I should be trying on everything, using this to my advantage as Rani was doing. I couldn't. I wanted to reach out and go through every pair of shoes I had never been able to wear, lined up, waiting to be picked but I couldn't go through with it. My heart didn't thud with the excitement I hoped it would.

All I wanted to do was sleep and hide until this nightmare was over. Staring at Rani—me—staring right back at me, making movements that I was making only made it more real. I would never get used to being in this body. I wished for this to come true and yet, I wasn't happy at all.

Was Rani really happy in my body? Why? I thought with a sigh. Had she seen my body and judged it? She did say I needed to wax...I could picture her showering in my body and her making faces—No, no, don't think about that, I blushed. The humiliation! Now not only had Dhruv seen me technically naked but Rani had seen actual me naked! This thought made me want to cower. I shook my head for the tenth time that day. No, it wasn't a weakness because I saw her body, too.

It was only natural.

I finally decided to leave the dreaded bathroom before any more creepy, judgemental thoughts came about. I poked my head out from the gap between the door and the wall and looked around the dark grey carpeted hall.

There was no one in sight.

Good, I thought. I grabbed the clothes that needed to be put in the wash, hurried into the laundry and put all the clothes in the machine before hurrying down. I was curious—had Dhruv eaten the food that I'd made? I hadn't made so much in one day in a long time and I forgot how much it hurt the lower back. No matter how many times I tried to twist from side to side, it didn't help. I could only imagine how much pain Dhruv was in if he did that every day.