Connections- A Kny story of uppermoons 2 and 3

Regret

Akaza was mad. Not mad, more like upset, or angry or even he didn't  know what he was feeling at this point. He was grateful of course. That was to be expected. That he would be grateful for getting his ass saved, grateful that he, and his friend came out alive, AND his enemy was gone. But he just couldn't find it in himself to thank or congratulate the other demon on his success. He was proud of him. Incredibly proud in fact. But he was also feeling other things. 

Shame

embarrassment

anger

resentment

jealousy...

.

He knew feeling these things wasn't appropriate. He should swallow his pride and make himself be happy about how the events turned out. But he was ashamed. Ashamed of how pathetic he was. What kind of friend was he to put that much pressure on someone he cared so much about? He could see it in his face as he fought, Douma was straining his very limits. Heck, he had even burst veins from concentrating too hard! 

Having your own life on the line is one thing. Its another thing completely to have someone else's hanging in the balance as well. It was a miracle his blood demon art had turned out to be so incredible, that's what saved him in the end. 

just luck.

Some things shouldn't be left down to luck. Especially lives. But the emotion that filled his throat with an incredible lump was his envy and shame. He was the seasoned one. He was the one who had trained for over a century, who had mastered his abilities. And yet he was overpowered by a mentally damaged teenager who had been a demon for a day and a half, and who had no battle experience whatsoever. How humiliating. 

He was the weaker one now. In the two of them he was always the one to protect the younger man, he was the one who taught him things, who kept him safe from dangers when they went outside, who protected him from the other uppermoons and their anger issues. It was the two of them. The idiot who always got into trouble, and the idiot who got him out of it. 

Now Douma had protected him instead. He didn't need protection anymore. He didn't need Akaza anymore. He was uppermoon 2 now. His rank. Above him. He had the two children, Daki and Gyutaro now. What would he still need him for?

He doesn't need you.

Akaza blinked back tears as he sat down heavily on the floor of his bedroom, tucking his knees up under his chin as he bowed his head and tried to steady his raggedy breathing. This was the one thing he had never seen coming. And despite how much he always pushed the blonde away, now that he wasn't with him it was evident how much he needed him.

He needed Douma as much as Douma needed him. Except he doesn't need you anymore now does he?

He needed the endless chatter about stupid things in a too-loud voice, too close to his ears. He needed the naïve comments that always made him either burst out laughing, or facepalm with a smile. He needed the never ending torrent of hugs, and hand holding, and the comforting warmth of the taller man up against him as he complained about personal space, yet didn't push him away when he sat on him, or fell asleep on his shoulder-

Akaza took a deep breath as the tears began to fall more steadily down his striped face. He was overthinking this. Of course he was. But still... he didn't know if he had the strength to swallow his pride and face the others so soon after his humiliating fall from grace. As much as he just wanted to fall into his friends arms and cry, and tell him he did great, his pride wouldn't let him.

He felt useless and stupid. Sitting there arguing with himself. How pathetic

He was shaken from his thoughts by a loud knocking on the door next to where he was sitting, the shadow of a person appearing in the light under the door. "Akaza?" he heard Douma call out. "Are you in here?"

Akaza stayed silent, hoping the younger demon would give up and go away. No such luck as he heard the door opening next to him, flooding the dark room with a spotlight of brightness from the hallway lighting. 

Akaza pushed his tear stained face down on his knees, muffling his sobs and attempting to hide his soaked face. "Go away i'm busy" he mumbled, attempting to keep his voice level. "Your an uppermoon now so you can go get your own room-" before he was finished the sentence he felt two arms wrap around him and pull him close, tucking the striped demons head under his neck as he held him in a safe and comforting hold, rubbing his hand up and down his back in an attempt to calm the smaller demon down.

"I don't want my own room" Douma whispered to him stubbornly, leaning his head down on top of the others silky pink locks. "I wanna share with you like always, i would be scared and bored by myself all the time" he wined quietly, earning him a reluctant sigh from the older man as he returned the hug, wrapping his own arms around the blonde as he relaxed completely into his hold. "besides" Douma continued. "Who else am i gonna stick to all night when its cold" he huffed, yawning slightly from earliers overexhaustion. 

Akaza sat there for a few minutes before bursting into tears, burying his head in his friends damaged kimono top as he sobbed, causing Douma to freak out and attempt to calm him down.

Douma still needed him as much as he always did. He was a big child at heart after all. And maybe sometimes just being there is all someone needs to feel safe.