A smile on his face, a shine in his eyes, a spring in his step and his entire being exuding an ebullient energy— anyone who would have seen him like that, would have guessed in a split second that Ram Kapoor was happy. Because he was! It was true. He could feel his heart brimming with a joy so profound, that he literally had no words to explain what he was feeling.
He was about to be a dad. Ya ya! PROBABLY! He was probably about to be a dad... but even the bleak probability of the dream he had weaved for himself since forever coming true had him dance in his heart. Of course, that was after his wife chided him for doing his happy dance in font of her nervous self, he knew he would have to control his urge to openly express his joy untill they didn't get a confirmation with the home test kits and untill she doesn't get a hang of the joy that might soon be filling their lives.
Back in their room, before he had come out of the premises of Kapoor Mansion and started onto his journey of getting the test kits that could change their lives forever for good, he had made his wife lay down and reached for his car keys... moved out of the room and then went back almost tripping childishly over his own bouncy feet to grab his wallet from the console table near their bedroom door. Hey!! You can not blame the guy for fumbling around and acting like a ball of energetic excitement... he couldn't think straight. His thoughts were muddled up. He wasn't nervous like his wife... or maybe he was... but his stumble-fumble-bumble-bee kinda excitement of having his dream fulfilled was overpowering all his other emotions and feelings and actions...
His dream... a dream to have a family of his own— a wife to love and a child, preferentially, a daughter to pamper... his queen and his princess. He had seen that dream for himself ever since he was a teenage boy when he saw his father get married to his step-mother and then have kids with her. He saw how his father was there for his Nandini mom at every step of the way they built their family. He saw how his father pampered his mom while she was expecting his twin siblings and then, once his siblings were born, he saw his dad and Nandini mom pamper his little sister Shivi and little brother Shubhu to their heart's content. He saw how their eyes glistened with pride as they cheered for the little kiddos, even for the tiniest accomplishments that came their way— their first word, their first step, the first time they rode their baby bicycles, their first day of school, their first poem, their first prize at school... and even the accomplishments that came after the firsts. He saw Shubhu-Shivi getting the love of two very caring and loving parents, and, receiving all the joys of having their family- he saw it all... from a distance.
No! Its wasn't like he was being intentionally left out. His father tried his best to never let him feel that way, but then, even though he was Virender's real son, he was an outcast in the family he built woth Nandini... and it was a harsh reality he accepted the day he saw his father walk into Kapoor Mansion with a new-born Shivi in his arms, while Nandini came in holding a new-born Shubhu and, saw them being so busy with the twins, that they did not even exchange a pleasantry with him as he stood at the door waiting for them to come back with his siblings, while they were busy handling the fussy new-borns.
He was so excited to meet his siblings, hold them... cuddle them... love them. But he never got a chance to hold the new-borns who started to fuss around or was spared a second by the new parents who were busy handling their babies. His father had tried to hug him by extending his one arm towards him while still holding the baby with the other but the fidgetting cotton ball in his arms who was wrapped in a pink baby blanket had his father leave a yearning ram as he retraced his extended arm to sooth the baby.
It might have been an unintentional thing on his father's part to leave Ram standing in the doorway without hugging him as he went inside patting soothing the baby but, with tears brimming in his eyes, Ram felt a little bad seeing his father retrace his arm like that. He, however, tried to make his heart understand that while he was a big boy who could manage things on his own, his little siblings were too little and needed both their parents to handle things for them. He remembered closing his eyes for a second that day, swallowing the unshed tears in his eyes on not getting his father or mom's attention, and then opening his eyes, only to look ahead with blank eyes devoid of any overwhelming emotion and a changed hard exterior disposition. He remembered clearing his clogged throat and deciding in his heart to selflessly give love to HIS family, even if he was just an outcast in their close-knit tribe, and to not withhold any expectations even from his dad who had his new family to look after. He believed, if he loved them selflessly, one day he would get it all back in some way or the other. So he let them enjoy being with one another and joined them in their time only when they wanted to involve him in their family activities. He kept himself to his room and joined them only for meals, he smiled at them or talked to them only when they smiled or talked to him, hugged them if they came forward to hug him but never willingly outstretched him arms towards them for a hug. He was physically with them but in his heart he had gone miles away from them. He gave them love but never expected anything from them. He loved them as his family and nodded his head head in a yes when they asked him to take their word for truth that he was just as much a part of their family as shubhu and shivi were.
While Nandini never really made a visible effort to create a balance between her kids and Ram, even though she made everyone believe with her sugar-coated words that she loved Ram as much as her own flesh and blood, it was his dad, especially, who made a real effort and tried to create a balance between his three children. But he too was a human, afterall. Not everytime could he have it all held together. With the responsibility of a new bsuiness he was just starting to build, he kept busy and then had his exhausted self often faltering in dividing his time equally amongst his wife and twins on one hand and Ram on the other. Attending his office during the day, he often got back home exhausted and, once home, Nandini and twins would engulf him with themselves for a better part of the evening that often made him miss out reaching ram before he slept at night. Ram would wait for his father to come see him and would be overjoyed when he would show up at his doorstep and then would spend an hour or two with him, talking to him, asking him things about his school and friends, and playing with him his video games. But, on all those days when he wouldn't come to Ram, he would go to bed with a heavy heart and tears in his eyes that soaked his pillow.
For the world, however, he strongly held onto the facade of him being a big boy who could manage it all on his own or with the help of his favourite Yash Uncle... even assuring his father that he need not feel guilty about spending more time with his little siblings than him because he was happy to see his father happy with his siblings and he was content because he had his Yash Uncle.
And he didn't lie. He did have his Yash Uncle with him. Yash Uncle— Tarun's father, his dad's most loyal helping hand, his caretaker and above all his biggest confidant. He loved his Yash Uncle like his own father and Yash loved him even more than his own sons. Yash was the only person who saw Ram shed those tears on being left out by his so-called family. He was the only one with whom Ram shared his pain of not being good enough to be actively considered a family by the clan he so wanted to be a part of. Yash was the only one whose love and attention didn't let Ram waver from the straight path of focusing on all good things in life and from not straying onto any wrong path of raging hormonal adolescence. It was only because of Yash that he never really missed out on a mother's love, as he Yash's wife Tara, following her husband's pursuit, showere dher motherly love on Ram. He truly was thankful to God for giving him his Yash Uncle and Tara Maa who were always there with him.
Yash worked at Kapoor Mansion till he was about 70 and then one day he declared to Ram that while he would stay with him in spirit forever, he wanted to go back to his home. Ram was a little sad that day but he understood his Uncle's need to be with his wife while they were both turning old and grey. Yash promised to visit him regularly. But before he retired, his Yash Uncle gave him Tarun... a brother he with whom he could share his life's all small and big joys or miseries... a shadow who Yash made sure followed Ram every secind of his life... a person Ram could blindly trust and depend on. Tarun, too, knew how important Ram was to Yash and loved Ram as an older brother, as his parents always taught him. And like his father asked him to, he slowly became Ram's shadow... someone who was always there for and with Ram. And as it was evident by the promises they made to each other, even after his retirement, Ram and his Yash Uncle's bond didn't waver even a bit. He would often go to meet Yash at his home or take him and his Tara Maa to Kapoor Farmhouse over the weekend to spend some unbridled time with them whenever he missed Yash too much. And it had continued even after marriage, for, Priya too understood the value Yash had in Ram's life, so much so that she ensured treating him with the same respect as she would have rendered to her own father-in-law. However, it had been quite a few months since they went to meet Yash and Tara but he would take Priya to meet them... better still bring them to Kapoor Mansion for a few months till the birth of their baby if Priya would be really be pregnant to take his blessings and to have someone who would shower love and care on Priya... the love and care he knew Nandini won't be capable of giving, for, he knew Yash and his wife were the only family he actually had... the ones who loved him selflessly. He could rely on Tara to actually play the role of a doting mother-in-law to Priya that Nandini could never be,- taki g care of her like a loving mother-in-law would of her expectant daughter-in-law, while he himself would get Yash to be with him for him to share his joy and apprehensions of an impending fatherhood... afterall, Yash was the one who understood what this would mean to him, for, he was the one with whom Ram had shared his dream... the dream to have a family of his own.
He must have been 17 or 18, when he along with his family had gone to a near by park for some weekend "family time", which included his dad and Nandini mom playing with Shivi and Shubh while he sat on a far-away bench with Yash. He looked at his father and his happy family playing and making merry without any care of the world. He longingly looked at them, wanting to be a part of their happiness but keeping his desires to himself for the fear of being treated as outcast one more time over. It was then that Ram had turned to Yash and said with a wistful yearning smile on his face, "One day, Yash Uncle! One day I wish I can have a family like that. A wife to love and a daughter to pamper. I will give them all the love and make sure to fulfil their every wish and desire. They will be mine to call "my own" and I will be theirs to call "their own". I just wish for it." Yash had smiled at Ram and patted his back lovingly and assured him that he will have the family he dreamt of.
When vedika came along, he thought his search for a loving life-partner had ended. He had introduced her to Yash who wasn't very happy with her being in Ram's life. Perhaps his old and experienced gaze had seen through her facade of being a loving and caring partner that she pretended to be and realised her true colors were just that of a money-minded girl who would flip sides to the one that had more money with the blink of an eye. He tried to warn Ram on several occasions but Ram being mad in love with her would always try to assure Yash of how good Vedika was. Yash, being the supportive parent figure in his life, then, would simply agree with him but would pray in heart for showing Ram the reality... which did happen when she left him for Shashi. Ram had wept like a baby in Yash's arm that day as he talked about how he was so stupid to not see what Yash or his friends wanted to show him. But Yash had only soothed him and said, "Its okay, Ram! Lets just thank the lord for showing you the light of the day before it got too late. Dont lose your heart son! Trust Him and all that He does... One day, son, you will find a woman who will show you what true love is... show you that love is not about glittering diamonds and expensive flowers but about the value of emotions and essence of feelings. She will hold your hand, smile at you and love you unconditionally. She will be the one who will be truly meant for me. And she will make your life beautiful." He was too dejected at that time to find any semblance of truth in Yash's words of finding true love but then came along Priya and he could see Yash's words manifesting into truth. Priya was the lady who loved roses to lillies because she valued the essence of flowers over their value... and that stood true also for his emotions. She cared for his emotions more than she cared about his bank balance. She was the woman he had searched for his entire lifetime and perhaps it was his Yash Uncle's good wishes that had led her to him, even when he had completely lost his faith in love. And in finding her, he had also found his true tribe- The Soods... the people, who besides Yash and his family, loved him to their core. He understood his mom's game of manipulation a long time back. But kept pace with it for she was the only real family he had or so he had to portray to everyone to keep his father's goodwill. But, with Soods coming in his life... he actually got a family to love. He still loved her as his mom, still provided for her like a son as he promised his dad but no longer, now, did he need to pretend to follow his mom's manipulations blindly, for, he had a strong tribe to back him up everytime he said NO to her. And she understood it too... probably that's why she had stopped interfering in his life.
Life finally felt good. And, now apart everything, he was probably also about to have his dream of having a family fulfilled and he had that, all because of that one man who had believed in him. And so he would want to take his blessings if they were to really embark on this new journey of parenthood.
Parenthood. The word was big but so would be the responsibility. As he sat in his car driving to the nearest open pharmacy, he wondered how would he manage it all, for, it would not just be his responsibility towards his kid that would be added in his life but also his responsibility towards his wife that would increase many-folds... it already had!
He knew, for one, that his wife was the type of woman who had all the time in the world to take care of him, his brother, his sister, her family, his family, their house-helps and their friends... but literally had no time or care to look after herself. Had she been vigilant about herself, she wouldn't have waited this long or to fall so sick before agreeing to see the doctor. But as they say, "it all happens in its own good time." At least she agreed, and, now they had a vague idea of what might be the reason for her sickness.
Her sickness. He wasn't a pregnancy expert nor did he have any knowledge of it. But he had seen how his Nandini mom had struggled when she was pregnant with Shubh and shivi— the twins. She would puke from morning till night, would wince around about having body aches, would shout at his dad for not taking enough care of her, even though the man was literally putting in all his time and efforts to care for the lady. He knew he'd have no such problem because his wife felt obliged to him for even the most trivial things he did for her... not that he wanted her to feel that way, but he knew she also would not scorn at the efforts he'd put in to take care of her. He also knew that, if the past few days were any indication of how hard it would be on Priya to go through these nine months, he'd have to be extra vigilant of her every need, if she'll let him be. Because right in this was her second problem.
Her need for self-dependency. His wife had always had an incessant need for self-dependency and three years into marriage that was one thing he still hadn't been able to break into— making her to rely on him even for trivial things. That was one hard task he had at hand which he had never been able to accomplish. And so if Priya were really pregnant, he would really need to buck up in his efforts to make her rely on him so that he could tend to her needs without having much for her to worry or even think about.
But this was a road he'd have to carefully trudge on. A single careless word in the matter from his side could make her feel that he was trying to chain her down... something he could never do but something her childhood trauma could lead her into believing. No... he didn't wish to chain her down! No... he didn't want her to slow down in her path to progress! Yes... he would want her to rest and take care of herself and let him do everything else! Yes... he would want her to even stop taking the strain of going to office for some time till aftet the birth of their child. But no... he would not force his decision of leaving work and staying at home. If she'd want to work, he would not say a word against it.
He, however, would then need to revamp everything around in their office for her sake... to avoid her getting stressed or strained even for a tiniest thing.
And in addition to all that he would need to make sure that none of his words or actions would make her feel claustrophobic, reminding her of her misogynist father. No he couldn't let that happen.... Not when she might be on her way to nurture a life within her. Her ease, her comfort, her smile and now more than everything else in the world, her health was what mattered the most and to have all that he would do anything in his power, including, the aspect of keeping a check on his behaviour. He suspected she'd close off for a bit to simply test the waters with him, if she were actually pregnant... to see if he would act out like her father. And so he knew he'd have to trudge forward as carefully as possible.
Ram has a troubled childhood, but Priya was a girl who had gone through literal childhood trauma which is why he had to take even greater care of her. The girl had a father but never had him acting like a father-figure in her or her sisters' life. He just hoped that she would understand that no matter what, he would always be there for her and their baby. And if she'd ever show doubts about it, he'd be ready to go to any extent to clear them up for for her. Because what mattered to him was her well-being.
It was at this point that Ram looked out an realised he had come a little too far driving around lost in his thoughts. He chided himself for losing himself in his thoughts thinking that Priya might be getting worried since he was taking so long to return. He turned around and started driving towards home. He stopped at a pharmacy, got down and asked for a pregnancy home test kit. When the pharmacist gave him one, he showered him with a million questions about its accuracy till the pharmacist joined his hands in front of him and gave him a set of ten more test kits all of different brands. His eyes then fell on the nearby general store which made him think about taking something for his wife that she'd probably like to eat. He walked around the aisles when his eyes fell on Valrhona Grand chocolates— his favourite... and something struck his mind!
Since Ram got married to Priya nearly three years ago, he had, on several occasions, tried to get Priya to develop a palette for his favourite chocolate. But every-time he'd put a piece of it in her mouth, she make faces and pass comments like "What the hell is this nasty thing, Mr. Kapoor?" However, in the past few days, he had seen her munching on his chocolate randomly on two different occasions and when he had asked her about it, she had just shrugged and said, "They looked so tempting."
This made Ram to smile a toothy grin... perhaps his baby already had his taste buds and was provoking its mother to develop a penchant for all things he loved... be it biryani or Valrhona or Tiramisu. He picked up a box of his... actually, now, THEIR favourite chocolates, almost certain now that his wife was carrying the symbol of their love.... A part of him and a part of her, thought he with a wide smile on his face.
As he moved to the counter to pay for the chocolates and crackers— that he bought to ease his wife's queasiness which he sensed would now be a regular thing for them to deal with— he felt a tug in his heart, as if she called out his name. He was suddenly anxious to know if she was alright. So he paid the bill, came to his car and called tarun to ask him to check on Priya. It was only when he called back to say that priya was in the room listening to music that his heart found some relief but he now was in a haste to reach his wife and so he sped off towards his home to his wife... and baby
ČTEŠ
RAYA FF: TVAM, MAMA JEEVANA HETUNA
Fanfikce"She came into his life and became the real essence of it. She touched his life and made it golden. And now they have set out to explore a new and beautiful side of their relationship as they continue to fall deeper in love with each other"
