32| Plan B... C... D for Dumbass

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A gavel rapped to begin the auction and Dean and I quickly took our seats by Sam.

"Ladies, gentlemen, and... other, welcome to this once-in-a-lifetime event," Beau greeted everyone.

"Samandriel," Crowley acknowledged the angel from the other side of the aisle. "Slumming it, are we?"

"The first name in magical and alchememical estorica," Beau continued as we all passed money to Dean. "Our prices may be high, but our quality is unmatched, and we stand by our products."

"Don't know why you're so keen on that hunk of dirt," Crowley hissed across the aisle at us. "So it tells you how to blast back a few demons? I'll just make more. Can't get rid of my black-eyed boys, Samantha."

"Yeah, we'll see," Sam shot back.

"And across the plane..." Beau was saying.

"Alright, how much we got for plan B?" Sam asked Dean.

"Uh, well, we got our hacked credit cards, $2,000, and a, uh, Costco membership," he replied.

"Our first item, the amulet of Hesperus," Beau announced. "Let's start the bidding with, um, three tons of dwarven gold?"

Dean raised his eyebrows, looking over at Sam, and I facepalmed.

"Ah. This lady," Beau pointed into the crowd. "I have three. Do I have, uh, four? Ah. Four, gentlemen here. Four. Going for five. Five?"

Crowley smiled over at us.

"Five to this lady. Do we have an advance on five tons?"

"Plan C?" I asked.

"Big time," Dean agreed and Sam nodded.

"Any other bids? Any other bids?"

"I'm gonna use the restroom," Dean said, getting up and squeezing past me into the aisle.

"Sold," Beau finished the bidding on the first item.

I glanced back at Dean as they took away the amulet and prepared to bring the next item up for auction. He was back by the time they made the switch.

"Our next item up for bid, the hammer of Thor, Mjoelner."

"A finger bone from the frost giant Ymir," a man said, standing up.

Beau looked over at Plutus who shook his head.

"Uh... the bone and, uh..." the man held up a bloodstained brown paper bag, "... 5/8 of a virgin."

I covered my mouth and Sam recoiled slightly as Dean hit me arm to get me to scoot over a seat.

"Ah. Sold," Beau nodded at the man.

"Plan C tanked," Dean informed us.

"Maybe you should try plan D for dumbass," Crowley quipped.

"Our next lot, the Word of God..." Beau held up the tablet, "... capital 'G'- very old, very rare."

"Three billion dollars," Crowley said, standing up.

"Whoa," Sam, Dean and I chorused.

"The Mona Lisa," Samandriel said, also standing.

"The real Mona Lisa, where she's topless," Crowley countered.

"Vatican City."

"Alaska."

"Palin and a bridge to nowhere," Beau scoffed. "No, thanks."

"Alright, the moon," Crowley amended.

"You're bidding the moon?" I asked him.

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