Saints or Sinners | {BOOK 3}

89| Demon Snooki

Our next case, we dealt with a couple of Pishtacos, or Peruvian fat suckers. The brother, Alonso, was killing people while his sister Maritza was only taking what was necessary to survive. She and her husband ran a retreat where they helped people lose weight. While on that case, we met a chipper new sheriff named Donna Hanscum who was quite the character. After that, it turned out the Bunker was haunted and we figured out it was Kevin.

He found out through some other ghosts in the veil that his mom was actually still alive, so we ended up going to save her, and then she figured out what Kevin's ghost was attached to and took him home with her. Ever since I got back, things were really tense between me and the boys. Dean had gotten over his initial anger of me ditching pretty quick, and with the exception of the two hunts, we'd just been trying to act like a normal couple. Even though things were smoothing over between me and Dean, the same couldn't be said for me and Sam. The only time he really talked to me was on the cases, and that was only to work the cases. He was deadly serious about just wanting us to be coworkers, not family.

Maddie and Zep continued to go over to their friends' house during the day and while we went on hunts. I didn't like sending them away so much, but didn't want them getting in the way with all the tension going on at the Bunker. Plus, it was nice to have them act like actual kids for once.

I found a case in Washington that turned out to be the work of one Ed Zeddmore and Harry Spengler. Harry had made up a story about something called thinman to get Ed to stay with him despite the fact the rest of their ghostfacers group had split. It had worked for a while, but then two human guys who'd heard the story had started killing people, so we made Harry come clean with Ed.

After that case, Sam and Dean started doing research on Cain and Abel while I tried desperately to get ahold of Crowley. It had been almost a month since he said he was going to find the First Blade and there hadn't been a word from him.

"Come on, Crowley. Pick up!" I growled as my phone rang out. "Where the hell is he? It's not like he's got a social life."

"Uh, you're actually worried?" Sam glanced up from his computer.

"Too busy inflicting pain to answer. Leave a message," Crowley's voicemail spoke in my ear.

"Guy's got one job- find the First Blade, bring it back," I grumbled. "How hard is that?"

"It's Crowley," Dean pointed out. "He's not exactly a team player."

"Yeah, but his ass is on the line, too. He goes missing for weeks on end without a peep? Well, not one that makes sense, anyway. Listen to this."

I switched my phone to speaker, playing them the message I'd received a couple weeks ago.

"Eleanor. Um..." Crowley's voice faded into indecipherable ramblings.

"Wait a second. Did he... drunk dial you?" Sam raised his eyebrows.

"Come on," I mumbled, not answering the question as I dialed Crowley again.

Once again, after ringing out for a few moments, it went to voicemail.

"Plan B?" Dean asked.

I looked over at him questioningly and he smirked.

⁘

I folded my arms over my chest as Dean finished spray painting a Devil's Trap and Sam buried a box in the center of a crossroads.

"Alright, do it," Dean gave Sam the okay.

"Daemon, esto subiecto voluntati meae."

We looked around as Snooki appeared inside the Devil's Trap.

"Winchesters," she greeted us, eyes red.

"I-is that, uh...?" Sam stammered.

"Well, that explains a lot," Dean said.

"Okay, uh, look... Snooki- can I call you 'Snooki'?" I asked.

"No. It's Nicole now," the demon said.

"Okay, then. Nicole... we can do this one of two ways. The easy way- you talk. Or the easier way," I held up the demon killing knife, "-you still talk."

"I vote for number two," Dean smirked, putting in his two cents.

"We just want some basic information about Crowley," Sam added. "That's it."

"Google him. Are we done?"

I advanced on her with the knife raised.

"Whoa! Not the face! Are you crazy? Listen, guys, what happens in Hell stays in Hell. I got nothin'."

"But you do have a pretty sweet deal with Crowley in charge. If Abaddon wins, you can kiss all that goodbye-" I began.

"-all the fancy cars, the book deals," Sam added.

"Show biz can be tough," Dean finished.

"I'm doing fine. Thanks," Snooki replied.

"Oh. Well, good luck landing your next gig inside a Devil's Trap."

The demoness sighed, rolling her eyes.

"What do you want to know?"

"Where is Crowley?" I demanded.

"Last I heard, he was somewhere in the western Pacific."

"Makes sense," Sam said.

"Really? Floating around in the ocean while his kingdom goes up in flames?"

"Meaning?" Dean asked.

"Hell's gettin' crazy. Even the loyalists want to sign on with Abaddon. She's gonna make her move. Are we done? I got a thing."

She messed with her hair and we all exchanged a look.

"Exorcizamus te, omnis immundus spiritus..." Sam began.

"Seriously? An exorcism? We had a deal."

"See you, Snooks," Dean smirked.

⁘

I paced in the Bunker library while Sam sat at a table doing more research. Dean had left to go pick up Maddie and Zep.

"Hey. So... Cain said the First Blade was tossed in the deepest ocean, right?" Sam piped up. "That's the Mariana Trench. Maybe Crowley found it, and it's a double-cross."

"That doesn't make sense," I shook my head, rubbing my forearm. "He wants me to power up and kill the bitch. He set it up."

"Okay. A-assuming he does show up with it, Crowley is only useful to us until we have the Blade."

"Yeah. So?"

"So... there's nothing stopping us from using it on him, right?"

"Nothing at all," I said as my phone rang. "Speak of the devil. Did you find the First Blade?"

"Not exactly," Crowley answered.

"Well, then, what, exactly?"

"I'm in... a jam of sorts. Thought you might help."

Just then, Dean entered with the kids.

"Where are you?" I asked with a sigh.