We'll get it right this time (SatoRika higurashi gou story)

chapter 14

TW for this chapter. There are mentions of suicide.

Satoko stiffly opened her eyes, they felt sore from all the crying she had done during the night and her throat was also sore from her screaming and wailing. She shifted to look up at Rika who was leant again the headboard of the bed reading a book. She peaked over her book when Satoko moved and smiled down at her. "Good morning, how're you feeling?" Her voice was tender and full of care as she gazed down upon Satoko.
Satoko shifted a little coughing before she spoke. "My eyes and throat hurt... And I'm all stiff." Satoko winced a little at her hoarse voice.
Rika placed her book down onto the bed and softly caressed Satoko's hair. "It will do, try to rest your voice, okay? I'll get you some water, and then we can discuss more." Rika moved Satoko's head from her lap and got up leaving the room. Satoko lay on her back feeling slightly disoriented, she had no idea what time it was or what the weather was like and was struggling to get a grasp on her emotions.
Rika soon returned sitting carefully next to Satoko and helping her sit up before handing her a cool glass of water. Satoko leant against the headboard a terrible headache making her head feel fuzzy. Rika sat beside her laying a hand upon Satoko's lap as if to hold onto her in some way.
Satoko glanced over at Rika who gave her a caring smile. "Go on, drink some water, it'll help sooth your throat, you'll be dehydrated after last night."
There was a long moment of silence while Satoko drank her water and then took a moment to think, to collect her thoughts. She really did have a complete meltdown last night, she felt guilty, that can't have been a fun thing for Rika to have to deal with, although, Rika's comforts were still fresh in her mind so she felt a little more secure than she would ordinarily.

Eventually, Satoko spoke up, her voice still sounding a little strained. "What time is it?"
"About half three in the afternoon." Rika responded staring at the ceiling. "You really slept well." She let out a chuckle.
Satoko nodded, most of the day was gone, did she really waste an entire day?
Rika looked back at Satoko. "When I asked you how you felt, I meant emotionally."
"Guilty." Satoko sighed. "And like I've ruined today for you."
Rika shook her head. "You haven't ruined today, it was nice to have a day solely for relaxation." Rika sighed sounding a little sad. "You don't need to feel guilty, you're struggling through a lot right now, I wouldn't be doing this if I didn't want to."
Satoko clutched her head. "I know, and I trust you more than anyone but I have these doubts and these horrible thoughts that creep into my mind no matter what! They tell me that you're going to leave and they tell me that I'm a burden and, and, a disgusting creature who doesn't deserve to live and who doesnt deserve your love and care!"
Rika's eyes widened at Satoko's words and slight tears began to show as her expression morphed into one of pure horror. "You- you feel like you don't deserve to live?" Rika quickly pulled Satoko into a voice like hug as of trying to make sure Satoko's soul remains within her body. "No, no no no... Satoko, you deserve to live, you deserve all the joys of life, no matter how low you may think of yourself, you're not that low and you deserve to live and to experience life, your whole life." Rika gripped onto Satoko tighter, Satoko could feel Rika shaking and her voice sounded choked by tears.
"Rika..." Satoko mumbled latching onto Rika in response to Rika's grip. Rika really did care for Satoko, this reaction was evident of that, yet, Satoko still felt guilt eating away at her, she shouldn't have said that...
Rika sniffled a little. "Satoko, please, promise me, no matter how tough it gets never ever think of taking your own life. Come and talk to me, or at least just come to me and I'll hold you tight for as long as you need, I'll help you in whatever way you want, I'll do anything! Just, please don't take your own life, Satoko, I couldn't live without you."
Satoko held onto Rika tighter suppressing the urge to cry, she really hurt Rika with those words... "I promise, Rika, I promise."
Rika pulled back from Satoko and stared deep into her eyes. "Please, Satoko."
Satoko tried her best to keep eye contact with Rika as she spoke. "I never could leave you behind..." Satoko smiled at Rika, it was true, Rika was so much to Satoko and there was no way Satoko would ever be able to leave while she still had Rika.
Rika returned Satoko's smile, she clearly looked shaken up by Satoko's words but seemed to take Satoko's attempt to negate that well.
Rika softly pressed her forehead against Satoko's causing Satoko to become instantly flustered. "You mean so much to me, Satoko." Rika closed her eyes and Satoko followed suit, slightly panicked by her overly flustered state. "And you do to me..." Satoko replied managing to stabilise her nerves a little.
Rika pulled back taking Satoko's face in her hands "I will never leave you, Satoko, so long as you don't leave me."
Satoko closed her eyes pressing her cheek into one of Rika's palms. "Of course..." She whispered. Satoko really had forgotten quite how wonderful moments such as these were in her unstable state and was glad she could bask in Rika's love like this again, unapologetically.

Soon Satoko had dragged herself out of bed and was standing at the double glass doors into the back garden of the cabin they were staying in, a fresh cup of coffee in her hand. Rain tapped and splattered against the window and the sky was gray but is felt oddly comforting to look upon.
Satoko felt Rika wrap her arms around Satoko's waist from behind and rest her chin on her shoulder. "It's pretty." She mumbled snuggling into Satoko's back.
Satoko blushed heavily and the loving contact from Rika but kept her composure. "It is... The world can be so, so beautiful..."
"So are you." Rika chuckled and Satoko blushed intensely feeling flustered. "Add cute to that" Rika giggled at Satoko's reaction.
Satoko let out a sigh, trying to get a grip on how flustered she was but it didn't work, she eventually decided to just enjoy Rika's affection, however embarrassed and shy it made her.

AN: I'm terribly sorry with how dark and intense that chapter got, I've really been building up with Satoko's emotional state, this is a hurt/comfort fanfic, after all. Anyway, I hope you enjoyed this emotional mess and I'll see you in the next chapter!