𝐖𝐫𝐢𝐭𝐭𝐞𝐧 𝐨𝐧 𝐥𝐢𝐛𝐫𝐚𝐫𝐲 𝐰𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐬

chapter 20 pt. 1: as the world 💫

TRIGGER WARNING:possibly triggering topics⚠️

Also LOOOOONG CHAPTER WARNING

Y/n pov

It's been a week since the incident, it's also been a week since I found out that my real mom is someone else.

It's been really hard for me since then, things aren't going well

For instance

Pop's died.

Nah I'm just playing.

Gotcha bitches.

Anyways

Things really have been different for me, pop's may not have died but he did have an episode, in the following hours of me leaving that night pop's freaked out, he got worked up and he was struggling to breathe. I'm just glad aj knew to call the cops right away because the episode was severe, if aj didn't call help as quickly as he did then pop's would've been in way worse condition.

So for the past week pop's has been staying at a hospital/care center. I haven't talked to him since the night everything happened, I don't want to talk to him, I can't stand the guy right now he lied to me for how many years, but he's still my grandfather so of course I visit and check up on him, to see how he's doing...I only go at night when he's asleep to avoid conversation and conflict.

Many nights of me sitting by his side while he's in the hospital bed hooked up to countless machines that are keeping him alive, most of the time I don't say anything...I just hold his hand. I tried bringing aj but it was too much for him to see pop's like that, hell it was too much for me at times. The first time I went to see him I had a fucking panic attack. But I refuse to not see him because I don't know if one of these times I see him could be that last....and I don't wanna chance it, especially since that would mean our last conversation was an argument.

Sooner or later I know we're gonna have to talk, but the doctor says he's in stable condition and should be on the road to coming back home soon, and that's all I care about. I can't lose him, not right now, not when I feel like my world is caving in.

A good thing that helps me cope with all this drastic change in the past week is ariana.

She's been staying over for the past week, and I don't think she plans on leaving anytime soon. She's worried about me. And I'm grateful to have someone to look after me because I don't trust myself. I've gotten a little Trigger happy with the pills lately and I'm glad arianas here to help bring me down when I get too high. The voices have tried to come back and fuck with my head but arianas here, and she can tell when they're talking to me

So when the voices speak ariana shuts them up, real quick.

I've reverted back to my middle school self, I don't talk. Of course I speak when I'm spoken to but the answers are always short and dry, I don't have the energy to be happy and have conversation because that's just not where I'm at right now.

I've been doing alot of moping, I've just been drained for the past week, I'm glad that my friends still try to include me and get me to have fun, most importantly I'm glad that they are always there for me when I need a shoulder to cry on, because believe me I've been doing alot of crying lately.

But then it goes back to ariana, because whenever I drop a tear she's right there with a tissue to dry my puffy cheeks, always there to get me up off the ground and lead me to my bed where she holds me tight, like I'm gonna vanish, and she's always there to tell me it'll be ok only to leave me with a kiss on the cheeck while I sleep away my problems on her chest