A Different Life, A Different Story

Indie - The Not So Great Reality of Hope

I go inside the house with boxes in my hand. The house is nice, but I miss Tennessee.

The house is yellow with a pretty porch. It's fancy, but the porch of my old house was small. It had cute pillows on it for every season and other decorations around it to make it feel like that season. I remember William hitting the leaf every fall before he left. He's nineteen this year and in his second year of college. I wish I was just a little older so I can remember him more.

I was starting middle school while he was a senior in high school. I was in sixth grade. I was in sixth grade when Esmerelda got rejected, I was in sixth grade when all I had to be stressed about was math homework and quizzes every Friday. Mrs. Shanders was such a bitch. She'd always call the boys strong and call the girls week and pointless, uch!

I turn over to the big tree from the porch's view. The tree is big planted in the front yard, of course, and has blooming leaves because it's spring. I like the front yard because it feels more like home, but at the same time, it makes me sad because I really miss it. I'm moving at the end of my sophomore year, wow.

The inside looks way better than the fancy outside: the high ceilings and arched entries, the family room is big and filled with new decorations that Uncle Kimmy had bought before we moved, the kitchen has nicer counters than my old house it has more than enough cabinets all over the walls so organized accordingly, and the stove is so brand new! My feet get cold when I step off the carpet and onto the solid wood floor. Unlike my old house with hard wooden stairs, this one has carpeted steps. Leading out of the kitchen up to the bedrooms. Softening each and every step I take.

"I call this one!" Amilla says running into the biggest room. I go into a middle-sized room with the most treasured things of all--"A batten window!" My dream, other than California, was to have a batten window! My dreams are coming true!

The tiny boy says something but I'm too mesmerized by my new room to even care.

"Ahem, is this where you want your bedroom box to be?"

I take a moment to answer still looking at this room in awe, "Yeah."

A week later and we're finally packed. The blond guy comes over almost every day. He's the only friend I have here, and he freaks me out. I don't get good vibes from him, though. I mean he's nice but he's creepy. After I'm done with the dishes, I sit on the couch with him.

"Hey," I say.

"Hey."

I send Esy a snap. I can feel him starring at me. I look at my time and he's been starring at me for twenty minutes! "I think you're really hot."

I feel instant shock run through my body. He tries to kiss me but I pull away. "No, sorry i-i-i-i-i-it's embarrassing," I have a clutching feeling inside of me. I feel tight, uncomfortable, and frozen all at once. I wish I could just not be born, then the men I don't want, won't have to like me anymore.  Uncle Kimmy walks into the family room.

"I-I'll go." He grabs his coat and leaves.

"Great, now I feel guilty I say to Uncle Kimmy sitting on my bed in my new room.

"It's okay not to like someone that's attracted to you. It's gonna happen."

"I know, but I feel bad because of what I felt when I liked Ryan."

"I understand, but you did the right thing, you stood your ground. That takes a lot of courage, Indie."

I hug him. "Thanks."

"No problem, Kid." He kisses my forehead.

I lie down but I just can't get the guilt to go away he stopped coming over ever since.

Uncle Kimmy cooks pancakes the following morning. He does that whenever I'm upset about something.

"Tomorrow," he says kissing my forehead and placing the plate of pancakes in front of me, "I'm gonna be out of town."

"What? Why?!" I ask.

"Eh," Amilla says.

"Shut up, you don't know him like I do. Can you go away?!"

"Can you go to your, " then she mouths, "nice bedroom?"

I roll my eyes, "Anyways, why are you going?"

"My tour. That's part of the reason why we kinda moved here," he admits.

I'm frozen. I don't know what to say. I'm completely stuck in ice slowly sinking until I break, "You're the only person in this house that hasn't left me yet! No one cares about me and no one ever will because you all are just gonna up and fucking leave and I'm done! I'm fucking done! You know, I have a damn life, too. Do you know that?!! Do you?!"

"Honey I--"

"No! No! This is bullshit! Absolute bullshit! One min..." I sob and sob and sob and sob until I physically can't cry anymore. I run upstairs putting the flame up to my thigh again. I wish I was dead, deceased; gone.