The Finding Tree

Chapter 22 - The Next Best Thing

November 20, 1919

My dear J,

I have news.

I have been in contact with my friend Anne Morgan from my school days. She has developed a worthy cause that I feel compelled to assist. At the start of the year, I will travel to Europe, and become part of the Committee for Devastated France. There has been much reported of the horror of war from Europe. I have seen pictures of the Somme, Verdun and Marne from years past. I'm sure things have only gotten worse. Since 1916 The French alone have lost over half a million souls.

These poor people have lost everything, My friend has devoted her life for the last few years to supporting the families and tattered remains of the people there. I will live in simple barracks at Château de Blérancourt. I will eat with the people, provide transportation, organize food distribution, nursing, and also education and small business opportunities for those that remain.

I have to admit I'm excited to be on this new adventure.

And before you ask me, I have spoken to Patrick. He's eleven now and able to make up his own mind to some extent, and I don't want him to be miserable. I wanted him to come with me. I begged him to reconsider. But he was adamant that he didn't want to leave home and his school. He's very much concerned with our financial independence already.

I couldn't care less about our social and fiscal status, and I think my apathy in that regard has made him more worried than ever. This is my only regret. I will return to see my son twice a year. I love him dearly and I've told him so daily. But I need to honor my husband's death by helping those that cannot help themselves. I think he perceives me as frivolous and untrustworthy.

My son is quite independent and shows no need for a doting mother anymore. I will spend Thanksgiving and the winter holidays with him, doing whatever he wishes. I hope he wants to go ice-skating or even hiking, maybe we can even volunteer with a soup kitchen. I think seeing true misfortune will be good for him. I may insist if he sulks with his books and accounting ledgers too much. I am still his mother after all.

J, I have visited the Lakehouse and assigned a caretaker to keep the property in good condition in my absence. They are a trustworthy couple with grown children, and no place to call home. I have told them to think of my home as theirs for now. I trust they will treat the place with care.

It may be quite a while before I write in this journal again. I will take it with me, but I have a feeling I will be quite busy for a long time. My analyst is doubtful over my excitement for this adventure, but I know that Lawrence would approve. This is just the salve I need for my aching heart and need for ablution in his absence. It will never replace him, but this will be the next best thing.

You will remain in my thoughts daily, dear girl. I think of you often and send you my love through the years.

Yours always,
Mabel

I smiled at the entry from my great grandmother. She was moving on. She was gathering her strength and fortitude and moving forward with her life on her own terms. I needed this desperately right now and I clung to her words.

On the high of reading about her adventurous future, an idea blossomed in my chest. I got out blank paper and the new black Pilot I had purchased at the school's bookstore.

November 21, 1995

Dear Dad,

Thanksgiving is in two days and I will be spending the day with people that care about me. I hope you and Hannah will have a good holiday as well.

This year, I'm inviting Peter to Miko and Ginny's house for dinner. Miko has been my airport shuttle driver for over four years now. He and his wife Ginny are the most loving people. You'd like them very much. They are the grounding force I've needed, and I'm ever grateful for their support. They took me in when I needed someone so desperately. I love them like family.

Dad, thank you for your letter. It has meant a lot to have you be so honest with me. I do want you in my life. I'm just a little scared. Peter has told me that I should give you a chance, and I think he's right. Peter is my friend. More than that really, but I'm not sure how much more.  He likes me. He wants to spend time with me, he's given me my first kiss. I think I love him. But I know I love too easily. And love for me is messy and hurtful.

I have a request for you, if you're willing. I think I can trust you, since you fought for me to keep the Lakehouse during the hearings. Would you and Hannah go live there for me? Would you keep the property up, keep it green and beautiful? Can you do that for me, or would it be too painful. I don't want to put you in a difficult position. but if you are willing, you can stay there for free.

The Cameron trust will pay for all the upkeep, taxes, and property maintenance. It's legally my house now, and I just can't stand having renters stay there during the summer. I can contact the lawyer and ask him for some help if I need it. Will you be able to work from there and create an income for yourself?

Marcie had her reasons for renting it out, and I appreciate her being financially responsible. But I hate that she took it from you. The rental funds have been gathering interest for years now, so I don't need the extra money right now. But I know that place is special to us both, and I need to know someone who loves it will keep it for me until I can go there myself.

Dad I've always loved you. I think you know that. I hope we can see each other soon, and learn how to be a family again. Maybe you can come to my high school graduation?

Love always,

Janey