𝗡𝗶𝗿𝘃𝗮𝗻𝗮|𝗸𝘂𝗿𝘁 𝗰𝗼𝗯𝗮𝗶𝗻 𝘅 𝗿𝗲𝗮𝗱𝗲𝗿

003

November 16, 1981

It's been about a few weeks since I last saw Trevor and his friends. They finally got caught which honestly makes me pretty happy.

I quickly walk through the quiet hall's of the school.  I make a sharp right turn and I'm at my destination. The big bold letters on the door '202' seem to scream at me.

"Alright everyone settle down. Please open your books to page 604."

I could just tell that's today was the beginning to a very long day. With that I opened my notebook and made some random sketches to pass the time.

"Look everyone its the idiot fucker!" the room bursts into fits of laughter as many pointed at some kid. I wasn't fazed, bullying was pretty normal at this school.

I continue to watch but realize that kid was kurt. I let what everyone was saying sink in. He must have done something with Clara.

I cringe to myself knowing just what that "something" might be. The constant bullying seemed to last the entire period. 

Sometime later school was finally over. I went home and fell straight onto my bed wishing, once I fell asleep I wouldn't wake up.

Next day - January 9th, 1982

The next day was school again. Great.
The day went by fast as the bell rang. Again, And again, And again. Then once more as school was over.

I quickly grab my books and ran out of the class. I walk home alone like always, but I like it that way. Its quiet and calm. I can just take in all the nature around me.

I continue to walk at peace for about 15 minutes, Then out of the corner of my eye I spot my moms car parked in the driveway...along with my fathers.

My mom never gets home this early, And my dad well he wouldn't be here. Its an odd sight if I'm being honest. This can quite literally mean one thing...There's a massive argument going on.

There's no way there together at peace. I walk in through the back door hoping I don't have to make way into there conversation but there yelling can be heard right as I enter.

"GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER" I heard my father Yell. "MAYBE IF YOU TOOK HER FOR A WHILE I WOULD BE ABLE TO" I hear mom add on.

My mom looks tired. She looks like she's going to break any second. I've seen her yell a million times but not like this. Her jaw was clenched so hard as if it was unhinged and she was keeping it in place.

Her fists clenched as well. There was this spark of anger coming from her. One that I didn't want to witness.

"THAT CHILD CAN NOT COME ANYWHERE NEAR MY FAMILY"

"WELL ITS SEEMS YOUVE FORGOTTEN SHES ALSO YOUR FAMILY"

I listened knowing they were talking about me, I mean what else would they really be talking about. Im so fed up with this, But all my thoughts stop short when I take notice of Evelyn's presence.

"DONT YOU DARE TALK TO MY HUSBAND LIKE THAT...THAT CHILD IS A SPAWN OF SATAN, TRUST ME SHE WONT EVER GO ANYWERE IN LIFE."

I was tired of listening. I knew Evelyn was right. I knew my life was fucked. I knew I would never go anywhere, the only place I'd go to is hell...If I'm lucky.

I take a sharp inhale and turn around, letting my feet carry me away. I decided not to go home. I didn't want to piss of my mom, because then I would have to deal with her bullshit.

I called on a pay phone saying I wouldn't be home till late, To which she responded with a low and slurred "okay"

I could tell she had been drinking. She said she was going to quit.

In this moment I let my brain process the thoughts about how: I didn't want to be anymore. I didn't want to be a person. I didn't want to be alive. Yet I didn't want to die.

I tried to take my life. It didn't work out. I was so prepared too. I made a journal about all the things I've been through. I left it on my bed, so when I was gone my family would read it and feel some sort of guilt.

I wanted them to just feel something. I wanted them to realize how they made me feel. Tears build up in my eyes causing my vision to blur, But without a doubt I was at the place I wanted to be.