nineteen

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Song for this chapter: Tolerate It - Taylor Swift

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January 1st, 1998

Despite my lack of sleep and my slight hangover, I wake up early the next morning. The first bit of morning light is slipping in through the cracks in my blinds and casting across my room and bed.

Theo's arm is draped across my waist and I can feel his steady breathing against my shoulder. I carefully roll onto my back and Theo doesn't even budge.

A sliver of light is casted across his face and his hair. I reach out and brush his hair out of his face. I ghost my fingers over the freckles on his face. I'm really looking at him. He's shirtless and the duvet is pooled just above his hips, and Theo's body is radiating warmth.

I go to touch his hair, which looks incredibly soft, but I pull my hand back before it comes in contact with his brown hair.

Everything clicks into place.

I like Theo Nott.

Oh, I am completely fucked.

I get out of bed, trying to be as quiet and as quick as possible. Theo's hand reaches out for me against the sheets but I'm already halfway across the room. I pull on pajama pants and a jumper, which is probably Theo's, and I head downstairs, closing my bedroom door softly behind me.

The house is still quiet since everyone was up late and we have a few hours until we have to leave for Kings Cross. I heard my mum come home around one, but Matthew didn't come home until almost two. I could hear him stumbling in the hallway and bump into the wall.

I go down the stairs in need of some tea. Maybe that will help me get my thoughts together because they are completely scattered right now.

I can't like Theo.

When I reach the kitchen, a single light is on and Matt is sitting at the breakfast nook with a cup of tea. He has a throw blanket on his legs and looks like he's still half asleep.

"I didn't think you'd be awake yet," I say.

"Same to you," Matthew replies. "I'm so hungover that I woke up half an hour ago and felt like I was going to die."

I stifle a laugh and get a mug from the cupboard. I put a tea bag in and pour the still hot water from the kettle on the stove. "I have Pepper-Up potion underneath my bathroom sink if you need some," I suggest.

"So do I, but it only did so much," Matt says.

I grab my cup of tea and go sit next to my brother in the breakfast nook. He shares his blanket with me and takes a sip of his tea.

"What time did you get home last night?" He asks.

I shrug, "A little after midnight. We weren't out late but we didn't go to bed until after two."

"I know, I could hear you and Theo giggling through the wall," Matthew teases.

"And I could hear you stumble your way in and crash into the wall," I reply.

Matt rolls his eyes and a smile tugs at the corner of his lips. I take a sip of tea and hold the warm mug in my cold hands.

"Why are you up early then?" Matt asks.

I sigh, debating whether or not to tell him. Part of me feels like I do need to tell someone.

"I like Theo," I say.

Matt laughs, "Well I would hope so, he is your boyfriend."

"That's the thing though," I mutter. My brother raises his eyebrows and I lower my voice even though there's no one else awake. "If I tell you something will you promise not to tell anymore. Like Unbreakable Vow promise?"

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