The Tale of Dragons and Dungeons

Chapter 6: The Funeral

The group looked over the grave of their leader as the funeral service went on. All of them were clad in black. They kept solemn faces as they listened to the story of how he had saved the duck king from death himself, told by the Seraph of Bhaal, god of murder (A Seraph is someone extremely close to a god, like his right hand man.) The Seraph also told of how he had earned Bhaal's respect by killing an entire country in cold blood, no questions asked when Bhaal told him to. He told of his breed of killer llamas. Karl still wreaks havoc today. They also said something reminiscent of his family, but the Seraph said that Blader had specifically said in his will not to say more. A little girl behind them (About as tall as Lani) began crying. Oznerol looked at the crowd gathered. A group who seemed to be worshippers of Bhaal, holding the same mark as Blader did on his right hand, was there, and a group of dwarves had been gathered as well. In the middle of the crowd was a small child near Stinell, but he decided to think nothing of it. The entire group kept solemn faces as they looked at Blader's body about to be dropped into the coffin. He was fully dressed in his battle gear, besides the Elucidator. Their faces lost some solemnity as they saw who was carrying the body. The duck king, A follower of Bhaal, a skeleton, and the grave keeper. They smiled a bit but returned to their solemn faces afterwards. After the service, the group broke off and Stinell took the girl to the Rook. They approached the grave. They read the words engraved on the gravestone.

"If you can't handle me at my worst,

you don't deserve me at my best."

Isaac "Blader" Slaybane

296-311

Beloved Sociopathic Murderer

and Brother

At this the group questioned; Oznerol and Naunia had known him for years but never once did he mention his name being Isaac, or being a brother. They decided to think nothing of it, they were too busy grieving for their friend. Oznerol took off his helmet. "Whatta man, whatta man. And only 15." He put his helmet back on and took a cloth covered item from his bag. He unwrapped it, revealing the golden light of Elucidator, and he stabbed into the ground of Blader's grave. Stella threw her necronomicon at the grave. "You weren't supposed to die... Not the way you did anyway." Even though their quest for the Panacea was a success thanks to Dedrater, it had no effect on his lifeless corpse. They walked off to the Rook to drown their sorrows in drinks.

Blader opened his eyes and looked through where he found himself now. "It's so hot..." He thought as he tried standing up but found he was bound by indestructible chains. He struggled, making jingling sounds as he moved. All around him was dark. He kept struggling until a familiar, seductive voice cut him off. "It seems you're in quite a pickle." Blader recognized the voice immediately. "What's the meaning of this, Lucy?" "My name is Lucifer, now that I'm the demon of pride." Blader narrowed his eyes as she came into view. "Makes sense that you're a demon, considering you broke my heart!" "Relax hun, I'm going to help you out of this." Blader's eyes turned questioning. "Why?" Lucy's face turned redder than it already was with her being a demon. "I still have feelings for you. I always have. It's just... Satan likes to mess with people, and he called out to me specifically. I can't exactly turn down the most infernal demon here in Hell, now can I?" Blader smiled. "Alright then." Lucy unlocked the chains binding him and he got a feel of his nether world body. "Oh by the way..." Lucy smiled deviously. "Hmm?" "All beings of Hell's spirits are the only things brought down... Which means their clothes stay up." Blader looked down. "Well that's inconvenient. Anyway, let's get out of here. I need a weapon." "I think I can help with that, Partner." Blader grinned as he heard a familiar voice. The golden sword revealed itself to them. "I was wondering if you'd show up, Elucidator." He took his sword in his hand. "Let's get you fixed up." Suddenly a black cloak was covering him. "It's not the Coat, but I can't get that down here. Anyway, I've reforged my edges with soul steel, thanks to Cthulhu. Your friend Stella threw his book at me and I used it well. Basically rack up enough kills and you'll be living. Then I can get you out of here." "Well, we'd better get started then." Blader sheathed Elucidator and pulled the cowl of his hood over his face, allowing Lucy to handcuff him with mortal chains. She took him to the gates of Hell. "Class of cursed soul?" The gatekeeper asked. "Death's Mini-" "CLASS THIS!" Blader shouted and jumped forward, breaking the chains and punching through the gatekeeper's chest, taking his demon heart. "Ha! Free demon heart. Eluce, take care of my loot for me, would ya?" It disappeared. "I thought we were going incognito!" "Screw stealth! This is Hell! And uh, you know... I DON'T GIVE A FEEP THAT I'M DEAD!" "Haha! I have 99 hearts left!" Blader smiled and began ripping more hearts out, each one disappearing. "Oh come on ma-" Before he'd finished his complaint, Blader tore out the last heart. The gate opened and Blader regained some color in his skin. "Well that's Mammon taken care of." Lucy said as she followed behind him. He took up his sword and began slaughtering cursed soul after cursed soul. He found Beelzebub eating a bunch. "Oh boy! Cursed soul! I'll eat you up, you pretty little thing!" Blader stuffed Elucidator through his mouth. "Kitchen's closed, Beel. Rend." The demon was torn apart by an invisible blade and Blader regained his throwing picks. They found Asmodeus sexually assaulting cursed women, as per the usual. Blader surprised him by stuffing a Soulsteel tipped throwing pick into the back of the deviant's head. "Sex is sacred. Rend." Asmodeus was painfully ripped limb from limb. Blader regained his pack. He found Leviathan jealously watching Belphegor napping on a random spike covered couch. Suddenly there were two throwing picks inside of their heads. "Levy, be glad with what you have. Bell, get off your lazy a$$ and do some goddamn work. Rend, the both of you." Belphegor was turned to dust while Leviathan was quickly drowned. Blader regained his jacket. "Now where's Satan?" "Right here, Blader." Blader looked and saw the demon of wrath. "Well aren't you a looker?" Both smiled at each other as they realized it would be an interesting fight. In a flash both collided with their blades. They began fighting mercilessly. He eventually stabbed through Satan and said: "This is what you get for taking my ex-girlfriend. Rend." Satan was brutally tortured to purgatory. Blader relaxed as he looked at the vial he had just been given. "Yggdrasil nector. The Panacea. Doesn't really matter, since I'm for some reason still dead." He threw it backwards without thinking and it hit Lucy, causing a short yell as the vial shattered. Blader looked back and saw the glowing golden haired angel that was his girlfriend. He grinned. "Welcome back, Babe." She jumped into his arms, extremely happy to be in her human form. "Oh wait wait wait wait WAIT WOAH!" Blader fell backward, losing balance from the sudden weight added to him. He smiled regardless, shifting through his pack for a present. "Let's see... Apple, knife, bigger knife, book, even bigger knife, cat, pickaxe, gloves, fire, potions..." He realized he didn't have it. "Missing something, Isaac?" He looked up and glared with a fiery passion, setting down his girlfriend and ripping Elucidator from it's sheath, and was caught by Mephistopheles' blade. His eyes were blazing in flaming fury as he saw the figure in front of him; His own brother, Azazel. "Azazel. What the hell are you doing here?" "When I heard you were breaking out of Hell, I saw it as my chance. Stab me or your girlfriend, and you're fr-" Blader's blade swiftly moved into Azazel, just barely cutting before Blader jumped away. Blader regained all color and ran back to grab his girlfriend, and then began running forward as fast as he could. He managed to get out of range of Azazel's flaming shout just in time. "Eluce, get us out of here!" Suddenly a golden light began coming through a small hole in the ceiling. The hole became bigger, and bigger, until it began pulling Blader and Lucy up. "Hey Partner, draw me." He heard Elucidator whisper to him. He did and he began shooting up.

Oznerol was playing checkers against Lightning Heart.

Blader held his sword up and began shooting up faster and faster, and he saw wood in front of him.

Gene, Lani, Dedrater, Lightning Heart, Naunia, Stella, and Oznerol all jumped up in surprise as Blader shot through the ground like a speeding bullet and came to a screeching halt in front of his friends with his girlfriend. They were both covered in blood. "What HAPPENED?" Gene asked, mouth wide open. Blader smiled and kissed Lucy on the lips. He said: "It's a long story."