The Tale of Dragons and Dungeons

Gods Bleed Ketchup

(Start at 2:00ish)
It was truly a sight to behold.

The sound of steel on steel on flesh. Breathing. Footsteps. Raindrops. Millions of the same face stood together, increasingly daring blades making themselves known to one behemoth in the middle. Each and every time one came out, the blood knight stepped out of the way and executed the attacker with one blow. One flying from his right. A punch, a kick, and a stab into the ground. One darted behind him. A grasp of his blade and a kick back into the crowd, held by many more of his kind. All wearing that same tired smile, some with more bloodlust, some with less. The center blood knight wore an expression of stone. No joy or pain was taken in his actions; only the actions.

Every Blader killed simply rose and began the fight again with a new position. Scars healed quicker than he could make them, and the attacks were coming in at high speed. However, no matter how hard they tried, each individual had their attack blocked, dodged, or redirected, in an unending display of perfect footwork and coordination. And, as he moved further in and out of his perfect center, he struck as many as he could hit. A stalemate was quickly becoming apparent: one side effectively could not die, the other could not be hit. An unstoppable force was hitting an immovable object, and the victor would never be clear.

A flurry of bodies flung themselves in and out of the crowd, drawing various cries of quotable phrases as the Bladers flew into the scenery around them. Grass that lay untouched drifted uneasily in the breeze, dripping red into the soil. His blue eyes fluttered among the mob, keeping track of every little move as they came at him. One might find it ironic how big of an advantage one man has vs. a million. With every step for him, there was an attack. Every step for them brought them closer to an attack. They naturally divided themselves enough to allow an unspoken almost turn based combat among them all, but each swift attack was met with a swifter end. The lone murderer tracked and predicted every single body around him.

Thick clouds loomed overhead. The Earth around them seemed calmer in the gray atmosphere, but their speed was uncompromising. The center Isaac moved like a shadow. He grasped one by the neck, breaking it before smashing him onto another, catching a throwing pick from behind him, and suturing both bodies together firmly. He pulled the thread attached, kicked the one who threw it, and that Blader, effectively tied to the two sewn together, broke his way through the crowd, taking several with them as they swung.

He saw his targets. With one kick from the ground, he leapt onto the Black Cat, holding him down by his neck. His pointed ears narrowed back in apprehension as he stared at the destroyer of Dimension-1. "Hiding in the back, like the coward you always were, 13." His expression did not change. His eyes held no emotion. Only observance. "Hey, 83." The renegade rose his head, only to be met with a solid punch from Blader-2, He flew through the air, further from the crowd, only just managing to land on his feet, catching more drag with his wings.

B-83 stood up and dusted himself off. The attack left a mark on his cheek. Blader-2 stood where he was, sword drawn. "Fuck you." With one collective blink from the crowd, B-83 was in front of him. "Oh shi-" But his expletive was later than his own action, luckily, and he managed to block the punch with the blade of his sword. He flew back under the force, and was fast enough to duck under the sweeping kick as B-83 reached him again, but not fast enough to avoid the punch which knocked his face into the dirt, nor the explosive fireball which followed that. As 83 reached for his sword, he ducked under B-42's sudden roundhouse kick, grasped his leg, and swung him into the ground beside B-2, snapping the bone into pieces. "Hi, 2." "Hi, 42."

Blader-83 then rose his hand, allowing a small amount of energy to be released into it. "Well, I guess we're finished." B-2 muttered. More and more energy was being released, the ball grew larger. "You got us, this is checkmate." 83's face was exactly the same as when he had entered the fray. "So this is how it's all gonna end? Just some big jerk with no reason for doing any of this, just the destruction? That seems a little cliched for an ending plot." As the ball was beginning to reach critical mass, they all began hearing a sound. It was sharp, shrill, not unlike... "...aaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGHH- HOLY FUCK!" Blader-1 came shooting through the atmosphere like a shooting star, kicking 83 in the face. "Oh. Never mind."
(Silence.)
And then, just as quickly as it had begun, the brawl had ended. The center blood knight sat understandably dead. "Understandable, have a nice day." 1 muttered to himself. 2 stood himself up, holding 42 up on his shoulder. "And just where the fuck were you? We kinda assumed you were dead." "What? No, I was asleep." "We had a whole search party and everything..." B-42 sighed. 2 tapped 83 with the toe of his boot. "Oof. Out cold." "Hell yeah, patented B-1 knockout kick. Old family recipe." B-2 looked at him. "...for a kick." "Yes." 83 suddenly threw himself from the ground, sword in hand. "Yes, and you call it a knock-out kick despite the fact that he is still conscious." "貴様 !" Blader-1 had already turned around, not missing a beat. "お前はもう死んでいる." Blader-83 froze in his place, mouth wide open. "何?" He muttered, caught off guard. "何?" B-42 muttered, confused. "何?" The entire crowd shouted, surprised. There was a shrill screeching as his body adjusted, and then 83 fucking exploded. "Oh. Never mind."

"Well, congratulations, B-1, you just avenged your whole dimension." B-2 held out a hand for a high five. "Wait, what are you talking about?" "Did you seriously not notice your whole dimension dying?" 2 looked perplexed and was obviously hurt that 1 was about to leave him hanging. "Ah, well, I should probably clear that up, then. I-" "He is the one who killed dimension-1." A yellow gloved hand was pointing from behind a line of Bladers. "Well, yes, actually, expertly guessed. Who is that?" The crowd parted, revealing none other than Ronald McDonald. "...was." Confused, 1 had slipped, deadpan, into his native tongue. "Clear out of the way boys. This is about to get messy." They had no choice other than to comply with the clown's orders, leaving only B-1. "Fuck's sake, I made the rule of no foreign intervention on this timeline."

(start at 4:53ish)

Blader-1 held himself up on his sword. "Look, Mr. McDonald- may I call you Ron?" Ronald cut his head off. "Right, message received. Mr. McDonald, I'm sure we can make some kind of agreement." Ronald reared up to throw him into the sky. Blader-1 sighed, despite not being connected to his lungs anymore. "Why does April Fools have to be a thing?" Ronald McDonald threw B-1's head into the fucking sun, where he promptly exploded, mentally facepalming the entire time.

(Why did i do this)