Eternal Desires(On Hold)

39

It's easy to put on the happy face and pretend to the world that you are happy while you are not, ummi did just that,
After she was discharged from the hospital she decided to move on with life, she resume back to work and try as much as she can to be a dedicated mum to her son, like any other day she's quickly getting dress for the 8am lecture she have as jalal just sit on the bed staring at her, he won't say he's Happy with the way ummi is behaving,
It's like she's trying to burry everything and act as do everything is normal when it's not, he told her several times without number that it's OK to be vulnerable ones in a while, but ummi just seems focus on convincing herself she's alright,

When the DNA result comes back positive that indeed firdaus is her junior sister it's like the final blow on her, ummi literally cut all ties with her dad and everyone, blocking everyone completely out of her life.
She's like a different person.

"Jalal you will watch Amir for me I.....

"I have somewhere to go."jalal say and ummi glance at him but didn't say a word.

She finish dressing up and grab the baby bag Making jalal to glance at her before dropping the recipe book on the bed.

"Ummi what do you gain by doing all this?
What are you trying to prove?
I...........

"Jalal you are not staying with the boy fine you don't have to say a thing."ummi say and jalal snatch the bag from her hand.

"Ummi you are hurting yourself in the process of this,
Your mum, your dad, me and.........

"Jalal i don't want your opinion in my life, yes I'm not longer the naïve ummi everyone steps on,
I don't want to forgive and certainly I don't want to listen to you."she yell and jalal just stare at her.

"Ummi."he call softly with a sigh.

"Jalal you know what?
I have learn and i realise in this world everyone and no one cares about you than your own self,
There's no love or any trust left in people,
I.........ummi pause
My mum left my dad when he needed her to be by his side the most,
And you?
You don't think about your cousin you still go ahead and marry me,
I....

"Ummi what are you saying?
What is wrong with you?
You.....

"What is wrong with me is that i want a divorce jalal,
I don't want to be married,
What have i gained since i got married?
Is it fu'ad? He's 24/7  working?
And you?
You are chef...how ridiculous does that sound,
You do all chores I'm supposed to do,
You were ready to loss a friendship of a lifetime for your selfish reason hiding under love an.......

"Ummi."jalal call staring at her as he stare at her eyes as if searching for an answer making her to quickly look away.

"Look into my eyes and swear that you m ...........

"I don't have time for this jalal."ummi say and snatch the baby bag from jalal.

"It's fine i will look after him."jalal say staring at ummi who throw the babybag and grab her handbag from the bed before storming out of the bedroom slamming the door shut making jalal to sigh.

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Ummi's pov

With my head rested on the desk in the office i stare blankly at the grey wall, I don't understand why everything isn't working as i want it to be?
I'm scared at thesame time worried, the doctor told me 5days ago that I'm having early signs of heart failure I don't want to believe  how bit, by bit my life is falling apart,
Jalal doesn't have to go through all this chaos with me, he deserve to be happy and i know this past two days I'm extremely callous and rude to him but I couldn't help, as bad as i want to believe the doctor that I'm going to be fine i know there's only about 40-50% possibility of that to happen,
I sniff and clean my tears with a sigh and look up at the wall clock, there's a knock on the door and it open at once.

"Hello beautiful."jalal say with a smile on his face as do i didn't just finish upsetting him this morning.

He have little Amir, strap backward on the baby carrier and a pink small food bag.

"What are you doing here?"I say staring at him and he frown.

"To check on the most important woman in our life,
And guess what?
We prepare your favorite grilled meat and even a burger,
We heard you are craving one."he say smiling and drop the foodbag on my desk.

I watch as he carefully push some of the books on the desk and create some space, he unzip the bag and remove the warmer, he drop it in my front and open it revealing the perfectly looking burger and the tasteful looking grilled meat.

"Why do you come to my work place jalal?"I ask and he stare at me for a while, I hate that I'm doing this, the fact that the doctor asked me to avoid all this saturated food is upsetting, I push the warmer from my front and stand up.

"Ummi."jalal call and i ignore him,
I'm on the brick of breaking down and that's certainly not something i want to do.

"What's going on?
Did i do something wrong?"he ask and i stare at him.

I love jalal, I love him soo much that it scared me that i have a limited time to live with him.

"Ummi this isn't fair,
To me and Eve.....
He grab my hand from across the table with a sigh.

"I'm sorry,
Even do i don't know what i did to you but I don't mean to and just tell me anything,
Anything you want me to do that will make you happy."he say not breaking eye contact with me.

I have been thinking it about it since the doctor told me about my terminal illness, even do the doctor assure me i will be alright and likely get a heart transplant I just know he's giving me a false hope,i have been to my dad hospital and I know how cases like this always end.

"Will you marry a second wife?
Or divorce me?"I ask and his brow furrow in confusion.

"Why will i do that?
Come on ummi,
If there's anything you want me to do then stop joking around,
I love you.'he say with a smile and slightly touch my cheek.

"I'm serious jalal."I say and he sigh.

"Why ummi,
I'm not doing any of this,
I.........

"Jalal I'm dieing."I yell and the sob escape my mouth like a volcano.
Jalal quickly unstrap Amir who has been whinning for a while and drop him on the floor before walking to where I'm now sitting on my chair.

"What happened ummi?
You can tell me."he say his voice gentle and tender, he would convince even the most heartless person to do as he please if he wants to.

I go ahead and narrate everything to him as he gently sooth me on the back, I cry for as long as i don't know and jalal didn't stop me which I'm glad he did not, after a while i keep quiet, I just lay my head on the desk staring at jalal who's still kneeling next to me.

"You do know this isn't as serious as you take it ummi,
You will be fine,
Alot of people have been diagnosed with this and they are healthy and living fine, heart transplant is common now, if things get very serious you will find a donor and you will be alright,
I love you and i don't like it if you keep your problems away from me,
We will go through this together,
I want to share your pain and celebrate your happiness ummi."he say slightly brushing my forehead and i find myself smiling.

"By the way,
Your mum is back home and I'm sure she will be glad if you visit."he say and i stare at him.

Jalal is just too good to be real, I think there are only about 3% of men like him in this world, he kiss me on the forehead and stand up making his leg to stretch and his bone crack making me to chuckle and he smile.

"Hey little guy,
How about a visit to grandpa and grandma."he say excitedly with a smile to the little boy who's just staring bored at the two of us, he close the warmer and put it back inside the foodbag before zipping it close, I offer to help pick Amir he decline, he carry Amir,the foodbag and even help with my handbag before we exit the office, this two are my bundle of joy and i wouldn't know what to do in my life without jalal.