Dealing With Hawkins

Chapter 5

Sa dami ng papers na nasa mesa ko hindi ko na alam kung ano ang uunahin kong babasahin. But she told me that these papers were medical records, from all over the world.

Nanggaling na rin siya sa India, kung nasaan  ang mga magagaling na doctors but she failed. Hindi naman doctor ang kailangan niya, she needs a therapist.

"How can you afford these all Sage? Europe? South America, North America, Antarctica, Australia, Africa? And now? Nandito ka sa Asia?". Hindi ako makapaniwala sa binabasa ko.

Ngumiti lang siya saakin. Pero ang ngiting iyon ay parang nauubusan na ng pag asa. 

"Twice a week, sometimes 4 times a week, I just want to stop this life style, this huge problem is slowly ruining my life Miss Katerinà". I looked at her, naaawa ako sa kaniya.

"I've been to many places, many therapists, but at the end of a session or what, I was already searching for someone to you know". Humawak ako sa noo ko.

"But why girls? Bakit hindi dapat sa opposite sex? Like a man a boy? Kasi babae ka Sage". Bulong ko. Umiling siya.

"You don't understand. I want your help. Help me". She said blankly. Without emotions. 

"I'm sorry, hindi ako ang tamang tao to help you Sage, remember, I am your professor and not a therapist, wala akong alam sa bagay na iyan. Marami din akong kilalang magagaling na therapist dito sa pilipinas, I can recommend you to them? Dahil iyon lang ang kaya kong maitulong saiyo Sage". Mahabang sabi ko. Umiling siya. 

She brought her fingers to her face and started to fidget. Another sign of having a disorder.

"Do you think killing myself would be a solution? Dealing with this  compulsive sexual behavior or this damn thing hypersexuality is killing me slowly.". She said seriously. Umiling ako ng dahan dahan at napa upo muli sa upuan.

"No, Sage. I believe you, kaya mong malampasan iyan.". I said.

"Pero hindi ko na mabilang ang mga therapists na pinuntahan ko, they were all useless. I am wasting my money, my energy. I'm so done with this problem". Tumayo siya at lalabas na sana.

Gusto ko sana mag reklamo about her bahavior but I understand her, her frustrations and all of her anger. Having a disorder is not a joke. Malaking problema nga iyon.

"Wait Sage, if you need my help then stay. Hindi ko alam kung paano ka tulungan but for starter, I want you to tell me everything. Where are you from? Your parents?". Ngumiti ako sa kaniya. Humarap siya at lumapit ulit.

Umupo siya sa harap ko at tumingin saakin. Please don't stare.

"My parents died 10 years ago. I was lonely, half of my life I have nothing. When I was eleven, I experienced sexual harrasment, abused by my Aunt, Raped. Blood here, blood there, look at my scars and tattoos, she made my life miserable, Miss Katerinà. I'm travelling, looking for a place to hide, hide my past and I want all of that to be erase in my memory. I think that is the only solution to stop this Disorder.". Mahabang sabi niya. I took a deep breath and I watched her removed her jacket. 

She slowly showed me all of her scars and tattoos, and I pitied her. She's a victim of abuse and rape. Hindi ko maisip na magagawa ng isang tao ang bagay na iyon, especially that person was her Aunt. 

"My parents and our family were the richest family in Canada, I have billions of dollars, I have money everywhere, and I am using all of that to cure myself. And I wasted not just a billion dollar to be better. Until now, ganito parin ako. Tell me, did I deserve this?". She asked me. May tumulo siyang luha at napayuko nalang ako.