Five's a Crowd | Stucky / Marvel Polyamorous LGBT Romance

Chapter 5: Bucky

The days kept ticking by, the general consensus being that time was a construct and virtually meaningless during the pandemic.

They had all developed rather regimented routines by the time June rolled around. They began going outside more frequently, engaging in picnics and even meeting friends for socially distanced hangouts. These were only on occasion though, since they had become rather used to just being a quad, or a "pod" as the media was calling it. Charlie and Nicky had taken to their new hobbies and Steve was inundated with work for Ayo's mobile.

They had good weeks, filled with new recipes, dance routines, and online trends. They got swept up in the banana bread craze of 2020, trying six different ways to make banana bread, including one filled with peanut butter. They all loved that one so much they added it to their limited rotation of desserts.

Despite all the cooking and baking, they were all in better shape than ever. The excuse that there just wasn't time to get in a full workout was gone and they each began to find new ways to stay in shape.

Nicky had discovered Barre and installed one in his and Charlie's massive walk in closet. Bucky joined him sometimes but working out in a closet was just one step too far for him on most days. Bucky was actually enjoying lifting weights, and it was an opportunity for him, Charlie, and Steve to spend quality time together every day. Steve had actually gotten into running with Charlie. At first, they had to take it pretty easy because of Steve's asthma, but Bucky was able to get him a telehealth appointment with a pulmonologist and they worked out a plan that actually had Steve's lungs faring better than ever.

Unfortunately, during the bad weeks this did nothing to allay Bucky's fear and anxiety. Before the pandemic, he had thought of himself as a relatively even-keeled person. He was never too anxious to self-regulate his own emotions, but the pandemic had thrown that all out of whack.

Speaking of telehealth, it was almost impossible to find any sort of mental health provider. Bucky and Steve had looked for weeks until they finally gave up and tentatively asked Charlie and Nicky if it would be weird if they saw the same therapist they did. They immediately said that was totally fine with them and with HIPPA rules, it wasn't like it would be a violation of privacy or anything.

So, nearly three months into the pandemic, Bucky began to see a therapist. He hadn't put much thought into what it would have been like trying to start fresh with a new therapist, but he quickly found it was incredibly convenient that the man was already fully up to speed on their polyamorous relationship. Bucky was able to just dive in on day one and talk about some of his biggest worries about the pandemic, day-to-day life, and the quad.

The first few sessions focused mostly on the pandemic, and the therapist had Bucky begin keeping a journal to document when he found himself feeling the most agitated and concerned. He realized that he was spending almost an hour every morning and every night "doom scrolling" through the news and social media. It was more than just fear about the virus, he soon discovered. Bucky was also angry. He was angry all the time, like a bothersome splinter he couldn't quite get out, but always knew was there. He was angry at their useless president, who was not only a misogynist, a bigot, and a racist, but was also a liar. He lied constantly about the pandemic and Bucky had begun taking personal offense to it.

Living with someone who was at high risk for severe disease changed his perspective and he began getting into fights on the internet with complete strangers over mask protocols and, infuriatingly, whether or not the pandemic was even real. At his therapist's insistence, he began reducing the time he spent online and he noticed an almost immediate difference in his mood.

There was more to it than just that though. He was also angry at some of his friends. No one in their immediate circle, but there were friends he used to feel close with who were now out galavanting around, living their lives like the pandemic didn't even exist. Bucky took personal offense at this as well, but his therapist said this wasn't necessarily a bad thing. The pandemic was providing a lot of people with the opportunity to reevaluate friendships, relationships, and priorities, and if Bucky found that these people were no longer a good fit for his life, then he could remove them in a safe and healthy way and be all the better for it.