No Right To Decide

Chapter 5

We parked our car on the closest spot in front of the church. Many other Christians were already entering the church. We got out of our car and followed the other Christians into God's house. We sat down on our usual spot, two benches away from the priest. I was going to ask Him after the service. Of course we were too early so we had to wait for all the other Christians to come into the church. The old lady that always sat next to me, was always just on time, just like this time. She walked in as one of the last Christians and greeted me when walking in. 'How is your Sunday morning, Milo?' She asked me like always. 'Beautiful, Miss Peach!' I reacted kindly as always. We always had the same conversation. She asked me how my Sunday morning was, I told her that it's beautiful. 'That's lovely!' She'd say. Even though I'm having the same conversation every Sunday morning, I'll never get tired of it. The happiness in that woman is one of a kind. No one is like that to me. She's very special to me. She brightens every Sunday morning for me.
The priest started talking. 'Dear brothers a-' that was the moment I stopped listening. I'd rather be in school than be here. I'm wasting my time. '... so we see on page 124-' the priest continued. Please hurry up, I thought. I couldn't waste more time, I had to ask Him as soon as possible!
We sat there for another twenty minutes. Finally the priest finished. I was about to get up, but the choir stood up. I forgot about them. I searched for my lyrics sheet. Fuck, where is it?! The lady next to me gave me hers. 'I don't need it. You can borrow it today.' She said with a warm smile. Man if that woman didn't exist. I thanked her with a small smile. We started singing the first couplet. But of course, I can't sing. That's the reason why I never hear myself sing, I sing so soft that you can barely hear me. God wouldn't mind, would He? I mean I have other qualities. I can entertain Him in other ways. The second couplet began. I only knew the refrein well. The old lady next to me was singing loudly. It made me smile. She was so proud of herself, nothing could change that. I wish I was like that... The refrein started. As the lady looked at me, I sang a bit louder. I never liked singing, but sadly it's part of being a Christian. You have to sing for God. Be grateful to him.
The song ended, finally. We all stood up and began walking towards the exit. Some were walking the opposite way, to the priest. I had a good plan to ask God without my parents knowing. As we walked to the exit, I pretend I had lost a bracelet. 'I think my bracelet is laying on the bench, let me get it.' I told my mom. She nodded and I walked back to the bench. I saw my family march outside the church. I fast ran to the small stairs, in front of the altar. I sat on my knees, bowed and kept my hands together. 'Dear God,' I whispered, 'I hope You can hear me. I need your help, I need to know you exist. Please God, give me a few friends in school. In return, I'll serve you until the end of time. Please God, I'm begging you!' I ended my prayer. I looked up, to the stained glass. Suddenly light was shining through it, on my face. I started to smile and ran out of church. My family was waiting in the car. I opened the door and said: 'Got it!' My dad turned to me. 'You sound excited.' I smiled. 'It's nothing!' Well it wasn't really nothing, I got to ask God for a favor, and it seems like he responded, with the light through the stained glass. My dad started the car, as we drove away I saw the old lady. As we made eye contact, she started looking worried. I fast looked at something else. Maybe I had something on my face, or on the car window. No no no, this wasn't a bad sign. Just the old nice lady looking a bid worried. It's nothing. I took a few deep breathes, hoping my plan wouldn't fall apart. I grabbed my phone for distraction and decided to look in my schedule for tomorrow. 2 classes got cancelled! Maybe God would give me some friends there! I was also out early tomorrow, maybe then would also be a moment that God could give me what I asked for! Wait, should I think like that? 'So God would give me what I asked for.' That sounds like I'm a spoiled brat! I sighed. Why were my thoughts always fighting like that? Why couldn't I get a single moment of peace?
I put my phone away and looked out of the window. My fantasy and the green hills outside cursed my boredom. I fantasized something stupid. A world were I was the main character, was a famous actor and had the best husband I could imagine. But that wouldn't happen in real life. That's why I'm fantasizing it, because I can't get it here. I slowly sunk away into my thoughts. Me bring rich and famous. What else would I want? Children? Wait no, I don't want children, ew. A pet? Yes! A cat then. I'll call him Buddy, because why not. My dream car? I didn't really have one. Maybe a Jeep? Just a big, large car. But there was one thing missing. My friends. I couldn't imagine a few friends for myself. I can't get it in real life, I should be able to imagine it in my head! Oh Milo, why am I still trying? I just can't accept the fact that I won't have those 'best friends for life'. I'll get old alone, without my besties. I have to get them now, or I won't have a chance anymore. I started worrying a bit. Is trusting my faith in God a good idea? Was I even thinking clear?