No Right To Decide

Chapter 8

I cycled home as fast as I could. God gave me too much, I knew it. More people joined us in my last break, I couldn't handle it so I want to the toilet and stayed there to eat my lunch, aggressively. I was mad, He betrayed me. I got so stressed in that break, how could He? Why would He! The first friends that I made were enough! I arrived home, no one else was in our home. I dropped my bag in my room and ran back to my bicycle. I was going back to church, back to where it started. I was going to tell Him what He needed to hear. "God supports us all" no He betrays. I got on my bicycle without any doubt and cycled to the church. The angry thoughts were flying around in my head. What should I say to Him? I was preparing my speech while cycling to the church. Nothing could stop me! Nothing! I saw the church on the other side of the street. I could finally stop worrying about my actions, if God would approve it. I could finally say what I want! I could finally say goddammit and hell yeah! God isn't by my side, why would I worship him? I was ready to rage at God, I was born ready! I arrived at the last intersection. The church was on the other side of the road. I was focussed on the church, like a predator was focussed on attacking his prey. I cycled with high speed to the intersection. I'll finally be free! I cycled on the intersection, when suddenly a car appeared on my right side. It was driving fast, it had no time to stop for me anymore. Time slowed down, I looked terrified at the car. I saw the shocked face of the driver. All my thoughts disappeared. Time went back to normal again, the car hit me. I flew off my bike, the car hit me pretty hard. My arm hit a pole, that was standing on the sidewalk. I rolled around a few times. I couldn't do anything, everything was happening so fast. Then I was lying on the side of the street, facing that damn church. I took one last glance at the church and had one last thought before everything went black: God stopped me.

'Milo? Oh my you're finally awake!' I heard my mother say with tears in her eyes. 'What?' I said quietly. I could barely say anything, my throat was hurting very badly. My mother was crying on the end of my bed. Wait, it wasn't my bed. I looked around, I was in a white room. There were some machines attached to me and I could hear my heartbeat from one of the machines. There was a doctor in the room and my mother. She grabbed her phone and called my dad. I tried to raise myself so I could sit in the hospital bed, but everything hurts. My arm was wrapped in bandages, no wait. I couldn't see part of my arm. I was confused, was I dreaming? 'Hello Milo. I'm doctor Brown, nice to meet you.' The doctor said as he sat down next to the hospital bed. 'What... Happened?' I said weakly. 'Please stay calm as I explain what happened and where you are. You had an accident 2 months ago, you're now in the Saint Crosstrees hospital.' The doctor explained calmly. I wasn't panicking, not even a bit stressed, I was just confused. Wait, it happened 2 months ago? It suddenly hit me. 'You have been in a coma for 2 months Milo.' The doctor continued as he saw the confused look on my face. Oh my god. 'So this.. isn't a dream?' I said confused. 'No Milo. This is the real life.' My mother hanged up the phone and came back to the hospital bed again, still in tears. 'Oh Milo...' that was all she could say. 'I assume her father is coming?' The doctor asked my mother. She nodded. He offered her a cup of water, after that I stopped listening. I was in a coma. For 2 months. Because of an accident? I tried to think back, what happened? What kind of accident did I had? My head started to hurt. As the doctor walked in with the cup of water for my mother, I asked him: 'What happened? How did I got an accident?' My mother looked sad at me. 'She doesn't remember! Is her mind lost too? Why God? Why?' She cried. A nurse helped her outside the white hospital room while my mom tried to drink her water, but her hands were shaking like crazy. 'I will explain what happened. Again, try to stay calm,' he began, 'you were cycling on the Bonfatous Street, going in the direction of the Bonfatous Church.' Bonfatous church... I remember that. Me and my family always went there! 'You cycled over an intersection when a car hit you with high speed.' I started to remember it slowly in fear. 'Your arm hit a pole...' he took a small break. 'And you got a concussion, that ended in you going into a co-' I interrupted him. 'What about my arm?' I didn't had the strength to look at my right arm, my writing arm. He took a deep breath. 'We had to amputate your lower right arm.' He said shortly. I slowly raised my right arm, or what was left of it. There was no elbow, no hand and no fingers. Just a stump. I started panicking, I heard my heartbeat raising from the machine as I started breathing faster. The doctor said things to me, but I didn't hear him. I just looked at my arm while the thoughts flew through my head. My writing arm, gone. How can I keep living with only one arm? I'd have to learn how to do everything with just my left arm! This will take years... Suddenly I remembered everything. I was trying to get to the church, to give God a speech after that horrible day! I was going to tell him that I didn't believe in Him anymore! I stopped panicking, tears were filling my eyes as it hit me. My dad walked in. 'Milo! Oh my girl, how are you dear?' He said comforting. 'God...' I said. 'God put me in this accident.' I said as I started crying. 'God turned his back at me!'